Catching Stars in Butterfly Nets

dating tips, or, how every internet writer is an asshole.

my inability to make friends who are girls, much less net myself a girlfriend of anytype, has pushed me to the point visiting a number of the "tips for guys" style websites.  what I found was entirely unhelpful.  nearly all of them assume you're in your late twenties and have a significant dating history.  the talk about calling up exes, dealing with women with children, and office relationships.  now that's all well and good unless you happen to be twenty and desparate, which, of course, I am.  I ventured into the "teen" dating advice through a search for "tips for young men", and found myself apalled at the level of advice we're giving our teens these days.  all the websites expounded the virtues of simply going up and talking to the girl, as if every female teenager was simply waiting around for a male who, upon contact, she would then marry and be happy with forever, the end.  I won't go into what I think they should be saying simply because I'm not really one to talk, but I think my point there stands on its own.
I digress.  the only websites geared toward my agegroup are college websites, but seeing as I'm not in college, I don't think an article entitled "how to make a move on that homeroom crush" is going to be of much use to me.
another thing these sites do it split up their articles into groups.  you cannot find an article covering every facet of a successful date.  you must first read "how to get her number", then read "when to call her", then continue on to "what to say during phonecalls", et cetera.  which wouldn't be nearly as bad if it wasn't that certain sections are always absent.  often the article progressing will go to "ending the date" and skip immediately to "how to please her in bed", leaving one oblivious as to how to make the leap.  and by "one", I of course mean me.  how am I supposed to broach the subject without getting slapped or looking like a tool?  this is what these website and advisors are supposed to do, and yet they are no help at all.  from various experiments done by others, I know that if a person goes up to 100 women and asks them to have sex, he will get laid once and slapped between 20 and 25 times, which, to a different perspective, borders on S&M.

"My hand is not so great that showing it would make a difference." -persuader user from Kino no Tabi.