On My Happy Cloud

Why Do I Miss You?

*sigh*

I am missing two people who were once imortant to me at one time in my life. I can't stop thinking about either one of them and I can't figure out why??

One, I know for sure I was very hurt by and I suppose that since I never got somewhat of a closure....that perhaps I am still holding onto that and the "why's" of everything that happened between us. I wonder if this person knows....how deeply hurt I was and still am to this day though I try not to be. It shouldn't even be anything to me right now. But I miss him terribly. It's bad that I do, I know. It doesn't make sense and I really just don't want to have to explain it. If I could just be his friend again and get all those times back that we shared....but alas, that could never happen. Especially not with the life I have now.

The other I miss because of the connection we have that I slowly realize will always be there until the day we die. I know he knows it and I know it too. So there isn't anything about it that makes me sad right now. I just know that I think about him a lot sometimes and for some reason he finds a way to pop up in my dreams and make me think of him and I've said this a thousend times before...something is going on with him when I dream of him like this. It's not neccessarily bad but soemthing is going on with him. Whether he is happy or sad, I can feel it too sometimes. It's strange but it's there.

I hope this isn't confusing because I want to make it clear that I am so incredibly...ecstatic about my life right now. I'm extremely in love....probably now more than I ever have been with Ryan...and I wouldn't change it for the world. Ryan and I have developed this ability to over come any hurdle in our way and we've developed patience for each other. All of which has only made our bond stronger.

BUT with that said...I'm probably just afraid that I've been forgotten in the hearts of these two men I am missing. I'd like to say I'm not but I'm just afraid that's not true. No matter how much I would like, I strongly doubt the bond I had with the first one I mentioned is remembered at all by him in the same way it is me...and I guess that's what makes me so sad. The other one? I just miss him a lot.

Well...

Much love and happiness folks,

Elaine Bradley