IT TAKES ONE A LONG TIME TO BECOME YOUNG

First Entry at 3:00 a.m.

FIRST ENTRY- is this exciting or what? Wonder if the world keeps journals. I never had diaries with secret, hidden crushes on boys locked away in a pink book with a hidden key. DUH....I always thought that was darn right stupid. I just wrote about things in public pages and didn't care who read the stuff. Besides I spent most of my childhood being the youngest, the shyest, the daydreamer - and  ALWAYS on alert for my older sister; who's release from pent-up anger was to pin me to the ground and pinch me, turning the pinch as she dug into me. I weighed 100 lbs.....she weighed over 200lbs with a face pockmarked by zits and scars.

She made my childhood miserable...........and my older years.........and my really older years. Always in trouble, always a manipulator, always a con artist. A PAIN IN THE BUTT.

She died last year in Hospice, with me sleeping next to her in a chair, after putting a rosary in her hand - telling her it was o.k........The Blessed Virgin was right there with her, and she was safe.

And in that most quiet of evenings, I have ever known, with a calmness and peace so present in that room - her soul left and quietly flew off with the Angels. The nurse came in and whispered, that she felt my sister had JUST left - I remember telling the Hospic manager, how Quiet it was that night, and I had wondered WHEN the soul decides to leave the body. Looked at my sister, eyes wide open looking up (she was looking at SOMEONE or SOMETHING), and she had a grin on her face.

Funny how the circle closes, how someone could torment you for years, yet, she was loyal to me, and I was loyal to her. She was not alone when her soul left. Our family (HER family) loved her, despite
her years of trouble, addiction, bitchiness, meanness, horrifying wicked sense of humor, and everything that came along with having a wackie one in the family.

We still love her, and know she "once was lost, but now am found....she was blind, but now she sees"..............