Down the Rabbit Hole

New Moon on Monday

The weekend was a bit rough on the emotional front but we survived. On the positive side, I'm feeling like our bond is stronger and stronger. In the light of how little support he's been getting from his own family, I'm seeing for the first time how important it is that we support each other. I watched him get very upset this weekend, and it hurt me. It hurt to see him that way and my initial reaction was to try to smooth everything over and placate the situation. The truth is though that he is right, and he has every right to feel the way he does. I think he's 100% right about everything he's feeling. And if I worry that the things I say might influence him and cause a rift between him and his family, what's the alternative? This is our home, our wedding, our life and the fact that he supports and respects my feelings is just further evidence that he considers this marriage as a priority - that he considers me as much a part of his family. My grandmother says every rain cloud has a silver lining and she's right, because that slice of silver is finding out that this man is made of all the elements I could hope to find in a partner. He's kind and generous but he's also determined and loyal, dependable and strong. I'm very proud of the person he is, and how much he's grown since I've known him. The guys stopped me on the hanger floor today and were asking about the wedding and making small talk, and for the first time I didn't make a light-hearted joke about being nervous or something silly like that. I just answered honestly, that "yes, it was getting close" and "yes, I was excited" and "of course I'm changing my name". I didn't feel the need to downplay anything or be that aloof person I so often hold myself out there as when it comes to my relationships. I've been so much more open in the past about a man that didn't deserve it. I was honest and then that man proceeded to embarrass me, shame me and betray me in front of everyone. This time it was different. This is a very different, very deserving man and there was no need to be so careful and guarded. They just smiled and said they were happy for me and they were sure we would have a wonderful day. Maybe he's not the only one who's been growing...