Who Am I?

Foul mood afoot

April 16, 2008

Question for those of you who parent tweens.  How do you get an otherwise compassionate and sweet child to show the same kind of understanding to you, the parent?  This really baffles me.  Let me explain.

Last Wed. night at Awana's was the father/son snack thingy....the boys went with their dads, ate cookies and built things. Jamie went with Mike and they had fun. Instead of riding the bus (not Jamie's favorite thing to do, but he's ok with it) he rode with Mike...furthering the bonding time.

This Wed night is the mother/daughter tea.  I don't really want to go ...it's not our church, I don't know anyone, I'm not good with new places etc.  But Cassy (who is 11) wants me to go.  So of course I said yes.  I'm not going to ride the church bus, I've battled a migraine for 3 days...being cooped up with a bunch of loud kids on a bus for more than 30 minutes just doesn't seem like a good idea. I really wanted Cassy to ride with me in the van...giving us some time alone on the trip there and back.  She, naturally, would rather be with her friends on the bus, playing the games and being silly.  Most of the time I would understand..but considering tonight is supposed to be mother/daughter time I am frustrated.  Not that I expected her to think of it first...or even to think it was an awesome idea.  Because I didn't.  However, when I was disappointed that she was going on the bus and she wanted to know why, I told her.  I told her I wanted to spend the time with her, that since it was a mother/daughter thing I thought it would be nice if we spent the extra time together.  Then I left it up to her.  I know, there is my mistake. But it has to be up to her...if I force it, she's going to have an attitude problem and that ruins it to. 

What bothers me, is that when she asked a little later what was wrong and I told her that I was just disappointed that we weren't going to have the extra time together-and she told me in a voice that made it very evident that she didn't want to ride with me, that she would if I wanted her to.  She already knows I want her to ...and if it were a friend or pretty much anyone else, she'd do what made them happy.  However, even knowing what I would like, she wants to ride the bus. And I'm ticked.  probably without a right to be since I told her it was up to her...but hurt and angry none the less. I don't want to go, I don't want to walk into this church where I know absolutely no one by myself and wait for the bus.  I wanted to be with my daughter, sing songs on the way there (songs that drive Mike and Jamie nuts but that we love to sing anyway) and talk.  Catch up where she's not got somewhere to be and I don't have something to do.  Spend time on the way back talking and sharing our thoughts from the evening.  For a kid who complains that we don't spend any time with her...she sure isn't grabbing what she's been offered. 

I know, I'm being selfish.  I'm mom and supposed to suck it up and deal.  Too late, it's been a bad bad week and I don't have any reserve.

I don't want to go...I will because I made a promise.  I will because this is important to her and the fact that she's not giving me what I want is not going to influence it.  But it doesn't make me happy and between the attitudes and the arguements it makes me wonder what I'm doing wrong.

And please-refrain from telling me "it's just a tween thing, a girl thing, or whatever" despite the fact that I know this...it doesnt' help.  Also, please don't share that "it only gets worse" I realize this also...but the fact is that if I don't hold onto some hope somewhere I may run away and join the circus.

hugs
Vicky