Grandma's Pearls

Happiness?

How do you attain happiness? If I knew the answer to that question I would be sitting on top of the world. I know that I am happy, most of the time. I know that you can't be happy all the time but should your happiness require the input of other people? If the other people aren't happy, then how can their input help to make you happy? You can't make them happy if your miserable, can you? What is happiness to you could be purgatory for someone else. How is that possible? I am content with the life that I have but not some of the things in it. Does that mean that I am not happy but dillusional? I have been married forever and a day. I have 5 great kids and 6 amazing grandchildren. My husband has allowed me the freedom of staying home and raising our kids, working when necessary(he wasn't), staying home when he was working. I have not had a job outside the home in almost 30 years. All of my kids are grown now and I have no job skills. At least not any for todays job market. My husband has been talking about leaving for a while now but he won't because I can't support myself because I chose to stay home and raise the kids, instead of putting them in a day care for someone else to raise. Does that make me a bad person because he is trapped into caring for me for the rest of my life or his? How do you let someone go that you have been with for over half of your life? I was 17 years old when I met him and I'm 49 now. You do the math. There are times that he makes me feel like an anchor around his neck and I am slowly drowning him. I don't mean to be such a burden to him and I don't want to become one to my kids either. Due to circumstances beyond my control at this time, I am unable to work outside the home. I don't have the professional appearance because I don't have the money for new teeth and I am positive that no one will hire me with the way they are now. No, I wasn't on drugs or anything like that. I had too many children to close together and it weakend the enamal, which was weak to begin with. But, I look like I could have been and most people assume that. Should I pray to win the lottery, so that my husband can leave without worry and find the happiness he thinks he has missed out on or should I pray that we never win? On the one hand, I would love to win but I don't want to be left alone in my old age. He deserves to get what he wants, even if it doesn't involve me being in his life anymore. I will always be there for him, even if he finds someone else. We have the kids and that is a permanent connection that can't be broken. At least I think it is.
I know that some people are able to leave their spouse and kids and never look back, my father did that to my mother, so I know that it is possible. My mother's 2nd husband did the same thing and my mother's 3rd husband, well, they got divorced but then he moved back in and they lived together until he died, with her right by his side. He passed away the year after 9-11 and she passed away last year. My father passed away a year after my step-dad. My step-mom is still alive and kicking but she has some major health problems and isn't taking care of herself like she should. My 2 half brothers, on my dad's side, they are a bigger burden to her than I could ever become to my husband. One of them has a job and lives on his own but still gets money and food from her. She is on a fixed income. The other one is a druggie, has no job and still lives with her and he is over 30. Neither one of them help her to take better care of herself so that she will be around longer. That really makes me mad. They should have more respect for her than they do. But, they are grown and I can't do anything about it anyway. So, back to the question at hand. What is happiness and how do you attain it when there isn't any around you? I certainly don't know, not anymore. They say money can make you happy, but I'm not sure that is true either. It just replaces the problems you already have with bigger, more expensive ones. So, what is a person supposed to do? Who knows? Not I!