My True Soul

Una mezcla de pensamientos.

Manda and I have been together now for a year and 8 months. And actually, 8 and a half months. She's now the person I have been with the longest. I kept thinking over Christmas break, how odd (in a good way) it was to have her and Sarah to talk to. It was interesting realizing that Manda knew everything Sarah does (at least as far as I can tell) and more.
It's nice to have someone know you so well. Even if it means they know when you're lying or they know when you're mad and trying your best to act like your not.

I love my life with Manda. Being able to cook together is something I never thought I'd enjoy as much as I do. We used to not be able to do that, because we'd be in each other's way... now, it's pretty much down pat. I know that's probably a really simple example, but it just feels nice and good.

I look now on my desktop and see a folder she made. It's a game she was playing on Friday and I never got the chance to play. So, I'm about to play it.
Ok... I shoulda played it the other day... lol... it has thus far escaped me on what I need to do. OH! Now I get it... haha. Ok... now I'm stuck again.
Anyways.

I'm at my parent's house. My mom is bugging me about Thank-you notes. I need to send them out, but I was going to wait until the middle of this week. I have a list of about 10 things to do tomorrow. I've got to get my wisdom teeth taken out this summer. Or else I don't know when I'll be able to.

Lately I've been feeling like I need to be serious. I'm 23, about to start graduate school, and in a couple of years, I'll be able to counsel other people. So, surely, being able to have people come in and talk to you about their problems, knowing all these theories, knowing what to do, being able to be good at this job requires being serious. "Grown-up," if you will. Plus well, people probably expect me to be all serious and crap when they see how I've done in school. Becoming just a "brain" with no personality, or some crap. I'm not exactly sure... just that I've been feeling like lately that I must be that stereotype. I've done somewhat of a self-fulfilling prophecy on myself. "That's what they'll expect so that's how I'll act." It doesn't help that I'm scared of my ability to learn all the things I need to. With this step of my life I am more afraid than I ever have been. Stepping ever closer to the "real world."

Everyone is always afraid or nervous. I'm not the only one who is. I have been this way before. It will pass. I will learn what I need to. I will be able to do my job. I have conquered one of the biggest problems of mine... being afraid to ask questions. Plus I'm going into a department that is extremely supportive and willing to help you with anything.
Secondly, with Manda... I'm playful, I joke, I enjoy being goofy. That's who I am. It's who I've always been. It's why I love her and why I like her mom too. They're both fun-loving people. It's why I get along with them. I realized this even more during the graduation ceremony. Here was this serious special event, blah blah. We're about to embark upon our dreams. But there I was talking to this girl, being funny, telling funny stories, and just joking around. I liked talking to her. I disliked talking to the other girl because she was so serious and such.
I completely enjoy talking to Manda because of the same reason, I can be goofy and silly. She encourages me to do that and be the way I am.
I have always been like that, funny, joking, always. It's who I will be once I become a counselor. Just because I'm going to do that job that seems so "serious", etc., it doesn't mean my personality changes. Just because I'm 23 and facing the "real world" it doesn't mean I lose my personality or sense of humor. And once more, those grades I got came from taking my studies seriously, yes, but also from not focusing solely on them, instead taking time out to play video games, joke around, play with play-doh and my littlest pet shop, etc. To do all the things I've always enjoyed doing.
I was a fool for thinking what I had been thinking.

I have a feeling there was more to this. There probably was. But alas, this is the result of getting interupted.

I feel like in the past week or so, I've realized quite a bit. Overall, I feel better, more confident, and more ready to deal. I need to make some more phone calls, but I may do it tomorrow so that I'll have the house to myself. I've called the dentist already though, that was the important one. The first appointment available for a consultation about my wisdom teeth is June 5th. Apparently these 2 doctors are the only one in the entire area that do this damn surgery.
Okay, I'm hungry.
Perhaps I'll be able to stay up tonight better than the past few nights. I'd like to talk to Manda. We've been talking via text, but I'd like to talk to her more than text allows.