Complex Numbers

Memorial Day Weekend

It's Friday, the last day of work before a long Memorial Day weekend, so I thought today I'd talk about what this weekend is all about:

Drinking.

Yes, I'm in a slightly better mood, so I'm starting to feel the urge to, as I put it a couple of days ago, consume vast quantities of alcohol.

I'll start tonight at Chili's. Now, Chili's is a lousy chain, but they do have one thing that's worth ordering: the Presidente Margarita. Oh, sure, it's watered-down, and I won't ask what tequila's inside it, but it comes in this shaker that they pour into an iced, oversized martini glass with a salted rim. The shaker's usually good for three or four pours, after which one must order another one.

Kirstin is going away for the weekend on a camping trip. Good for her. I'd kill myself after about an hour of "roughing it," and then she'd have to clean me up from her brand-new pavilion tent. No, I'm going to stay home and drink.

I have, in the fridge, a bottle of Vouvray (an excellent white wine from the Loire valley of France). I'm thinking since Saturday's supposed to be nice, I can spend part of the afternoon drinking it out on the deck. Then, when my ex-wife calls for me to help her out of some Jerry Springer situation, which she continues to do even to this day, I can honestly say, "Nope. Can't drive. Call someone else. Oh, wait, you've exhausted your supply of friends and that's why you're calling me? Bummer." And then I can proceed to drink some more.

If I run out of Vouvray, I have a few bottles of Magic Hat #9 left in the fridge. If I get really desperate, I'll drink the two bottles of Bud Light I keep in there on the off chance Pat visits me. If I get completely desperate, the nearest grocery store is within staggering distance. Come to think of it, the nearest bar is just a bit further away, in the other direction. It'll be interesting to see which one I choose if I've got a good drunk on. The only thing I can guarantee is I won't be driving; I'll be drunk, not stupid.

But even if I decide that staggering a mile each way in the evening isn't really for me, I've still got most of a bottle of Magellan gin, and olives and dry vermouth - or even tonic water. Hell, by that time, my mostly-full gallon bottle of Cuervo Gold might start looking good.

Sigh.

Yeah, all that sounds good now, but the fact is I don't like to be out of control or having the room spin around me, so the reality of it is I probably won't drink all that much. I can't enjoy what I usually do - reading, playing video games, working complicated math puzzles, or even watching a good movie or playing on the Internet - while drunk.

Hell, maybe I can even go see Indiana Jones or Speed Racer while sober.

No, scratch that. I'll need to be completely schnockered to go see Speed Racer.

Oh, and the thing about Memorial Day being all about drinking? I was being facetious. Do take some time to remember those who put themselves in harm's way to keep us (relatively) safe and free. I know I'll be raising one for my dad.