A peek at the REAL Thumbster

Birthday Stripper Blues

This entry was inspired by an email I wrote to a friend last April.

Did I ever mention I used to have a twin brother? I say used to because he died...in a fire. Today would have been his birthday, but before I get into the hows and whys, I should first mention the reason why I haven't been around very much...it's coz I've been very busy. I'm often very busy but often the very busy I'm doing isn't the very busy I want to be doing or the very busy I should be doing. I should probably also mention the black flies and mosquitoes around here seem to find me particularly delicious this year. Unfortunately I can't wear bug spray because that would hurt my superhero image. It's forbidden in my superhero handbook. I suspect some bugs bite me repeatedly. I must be so tasty they come back for seconds. Greedy little bastard bugs. Bugs shouldn't be allowed to bite people on their birthdays. I don't know where they got the idea that they could. Stupid birthday biting bugs. If my twin brother hadn't died in that fire he could stand next to me and we could share the bugs between us. I'd only get bit half as much then...but he can't...coz he died...in the fire. Life can be cruel sometimes can't it? Stupid twin brother killing fires.

Speaking of birthdays...I don't make a big deal about my birthday. I suppose that makes me a freak in your eyes huh? I've never followed the herd on many things. Ideally I'd like to live my life as if I was on a deserted island. There'd be no watches or clocks or cell phones on my deserted island. No tax returns or math or vehichle inspections and certainly no Gary birthdays. I can't remember any of my birthdays growing up, but I must have had them because I know all the words to Happy Birthday. I remember plenty of Christmases, Halloweens and Easters, but not Birthdays. I guess that means I didn't feel they were all that important even back then. Just so you'll know, today wasn't only my dead twin's birthday, but it's my birthday as well, but please don't do anything nice for me. I don't deserve it. No cards or balloons or strippers in huge cakes. Strippers in huge cakes make me uncomfortable...ever since Mom had one jump out of my birthday cake during my 5th birthday party. Damn near scared the bejeebers outa me. That was also the birthday my twin brother died...in the fire. The same fire that burned down our house...and our neighbour's house...and the daycare next door to our neighbour's house. The fire I set...I was a very naughty boy that day...but it's not the fire my twin brother died in that I mentioned to you before...that was another fire and another twin brother. You must be thinking of my 4th birthday. If today is your birthday then you're also a Gemini. I believe Gemini's are stubborn, ticklish and bullies ...or maybe I'm thinking of strippers. That stripper from my 5th birthday party certainly was.

Disclaimer...the above entry contains 39.4% recycled email contents and only 2.008% wholesome goodness. All the rest is crap. Thank you and have a nice day





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