Grandma's Pearls

Going on

Today I did the same thing I do everyday, washing dishes, vacuuming, laundry, you know, the same old same old. It gets to be very tedious, especially after 30 years of doing the same old, same old. Sometimes I think that I should have done things differently but then I think, if I had done something differently, I wouldn;t have the kids that I have or the grandkids that I have. So, it is a good thing that I was a stay at home mom for all of those years. But, now, my youngest son has found a girl friend and she lives in another state. He is going there to visit her in a few weeks and possibly not come back. I don't know if I'm ready for that. I don't know if I can handle being home alone all the time. Yes, I still have my husband but we don't talk the way that we used to talk. We talk on different levels now. We talk about the same things but totally differently. I can't think of any thing that we have seen eye to eye on in a very long time. My oldest daughter lives in Florida but she can't afford the constant phone calls and i really can't either. My 2nd daughter just lives down the street but her husband has her pinned under his thumb, so she can't come over very much and she has enough problems without me adding something so seemingly trivial as having an empty nest. My oldest son lives a little further away than my 2nd daughter, but he works around 50 to 60 hours a week and he has a son that he is helping to take care of, so he is pretty busy most of the time. His son's momma lives with him also and she helps with bills and taking care of thier son, but we don't really get along that well. Both of us fake it really well most of the time. My 2nd son(4th child) is living in Florida with his older sister. He is a book all by himself but things are starting to get better and easier for him, finally. I was really worried about him for a while. It seems as if he might be getting his life back on track. That would be a small miracle from my point of view. Now, my baby is all grown and about to have his first full fledged romance. I know it is a good thing, atleast it seems to be. He is head over heels for this girl. She makes him happy and that makes me happy, but, then it makes me very sad also. If she is the one for him, then he will be moving to Ohio and I will have a truly empty nest. What am I supposed to do now? I know that I should be trying to get on the same wave length as my husband, at least on some things, but shouldn't he have to do the same?
It just seems as if it has to be his way or no way these days. He has suddenly gotten very paranoid of me leaving the house by myself, even if it is to go buy groceries or pay bills. I actually asked him the other day if he had a premonition or bad dream about something happening to me because he has become so obsessed with me leaving the house. I know that part of it is the fact that we haven't been able to save any money to move back to Texas. He knows how bad I want to do that. I mean, I lost 15 years with my mom because I lived here and not there. I lost that time with my brothers and sisters also and I miss my family something terrible. I can't go visit because I just might not come back and he knows this. But, I would never leave him or move without him and he knows that too. Maybe I am being selfish, but, if I had the money, I would have all of my kids and thier kids living on a huge family compound or in one enormous house all together. Of course that would drive my husband CRAZY!!!! Maybe I am going crazy and just haven't realized it yet. If I am, I hope that I never find out!!