Dear Lucy

November 20th

WARNING! This part may include scenes that are a bit...well....'open'. It's a love story between two women. I don't think what is happening is too graphic but it might not be the right thing for kids to read. I'm not sure if it is an 18+, but,  just, be warned....

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November, 20th, 2007


Dear Lucy!


I have to tell you something. No idea, if this is good or bad. It just happened and now I can't turn back the time. If I could, would I? I don't even know what it means.

It started when I came to work yesterday morning. Walking past Dana's bureau, I saw that the door was open. I stole a glance into it. She was nowhere to be seen. Instead I saw two kids' feet beside the desk. Apparently the kid was kneeling on the floor, back to the door, and drawing something or whatever.

Of course, I immediately knew that the child must have been Tessa. What wasn't really that clear to me was, why she was at work with her mother. And where Dana was, in fact.

Looking around outside along the floor, I saw nobody. That's why I went into the office.
“Hello there!”

The girl immediately jumped up, as if stung by a bee and stared at me with big eyes. I was taken aback by how much she looked like her mother. Her hair is a bit lighter though, looking like pure gold. Her eyes had the exact same colour and you could see that one day she would be as beautiful as Dana. She surely will break a lot of hearts.

I had directly fallen for the little angel. Who was still staring at me in horror. In her hands she was holding a pen. She was wearing a pink dress with a teddy bear on the front. White stockings and a pink jacket. On her back she had a small rucksack. What a lovely sight!

“You must be, Tessa, right?” I entered the room slowly and held out my hand. She didn't move. I had to smile at her shyness. “I'm working with your momy.”

“And you, little lady, should be a bit more polite with my friends!” I heard Dana say behind me. As soon as that, I felt her hand slide along my back and towards my waist, as she was walking past me. She gave me a sweet smile and then turned to her daughter.
“Say hello to Myra.” Standing behind her daughter she gently pushed her forward.

“It's okay, you know.” I said and sank onto my knees so I was on level with Tessa. “You better be a bit more suspicious. Even though I promise not to harm you.” I laid my hands over my heart and grinned at the girl. A shy smile played around her lips.
“Now that we have come that far, I have to say sorry for interrupting your artistic project!” I said and pointed around Tessa to the pad laying on the floor beside Dana's desk. Now Dana's daughter grinned fully and swung around. She picked up the pad and held it out to me.

“Can I have a look? Really?” I asked, happy that she seemed to have forgotten her fear.

Tessa nodded and pushed the pad into my direction. I took it. On it were drawn a stick-man with his wife and his daughter. They were standing beside a house with the sun smiling upon them. The typical child picture, but it warmed my heart to know how much she loved her parents. It was a happy picture from a happy child. At least that is what I am seeing in it.

“That's so beautiful! You're a real artist, Tessa!” I admired the drawing and handed it over to the girl. She took it and turned to beam proudly at her mother. Dana smiled first at Tessa and then at me.

“Looks like you've got your first proper fan!” Dana said and gently caressed her daughters head.

I stood back up and watched mother and daughter interact. It was a beautiful sight. I had, for a long time, wished to get to know Dana's family. Or at least her daughter. That day has come and it was more wonderful than I had ever thought it to be.

“So, how come you brought her here?” I asked, pulling myself back to the moment.

Dana immediately rolled her eyes and stepped behind her desk. Picking up some papers that were laying there and stuffing them into her bag, she explained:
“Well, there was a water-mains burst at Tessa's kindergarten. So they had to close it down for at least today. If not the whole week maybe. And here we are. I have no idea where to take her, so I guess I will go back home and work from there.” Dana shrugged her shoulders. I could see she was nerved by the whole situation.

“Can we go get some cake on our way home? Please? Please? Pleeeeeeeease?” Tessa asked and pulled her mother's arm. I had to laugh at that. Dana wasn't all too happy about her daughter's behaviour though.

“We will see, okay, honey. I have to finish some stuff here. That is really important.” Dana said and squeezed her daughters shoulder. Then she walked past her, opened a compartment in one of her cabinets to pull out a folder. This one she stuffed into her bag as well.

“Please, mommy! Please!” Tessa begged and turned to pull on Dana again.

“I said, we'll see, Tess. Please, just let me sort this here out and we will see on our way back home, okay?”

I watched the scene in front of me unfold. Obviously Dana was not in the best of moods and got more stressed with every moment. It was at that instant, when a kind of crazy idea crossed my mind. Before I could stop myself, I blabbered it out.
“Hey, I've got an idea. What do you think of this Dana. I take the day off, you take the day off. We get our swimming costumes and whatever else we need, grab this little lady and off we go to the swimming facility. Up in Bad Kissingen.”

Tessa's eyes immediately got big with excitement. She started to jump up and down, again hanging from her mothers arm.
“Can we go, mommy? Ya? Please?”

Dana shook her head at me and then at Tessa. Considering her options, she dropped her bag onto her desk.
“I don't know...there is still so much I need to do.”

“Please? Pleeeease? I even invite you two.” I gave her a puppy eyed look. As I had planed she wasn't able to withstand it and finally gave in.

“Yes, okay. Okay. We go. But only if you promise to behave yourself, Tessa.” Dana rolled her eyes. I grinned, happy about my victory.

Tessa was now getting totally excited and she nodded while still jumping around.
“I behave. I behave. We go swimming!”

Dana laughed and pointed to her daughter while giving me a playfully nerved look.
“Now see, what you have done!”

I smiled and locked eyes with her.
“It will do you good.” I whispered.

“I don't know.” Dana broke our gaze and watched her daughter sceptically.

We decided to immediately drive back home and get our stuff. Also, I forced Dana into letting me drive and pay for the day. I'm not a millionaire, especially after I bought that car. But it made me happy to do something like that with Dana and her daughter. I was sure it would be a great day.

I drove over to her house, after I had taken the day off at work and had gotten my swimming stuff from home.

Dana's house is located in a development area in a town only  a few kilometres from Würzburg's city centre. When stopping in front of it, I was totally taken aback. It wasn't too big and not too small. The garden wasn't finished yet, but you could clearly see what the plan was. The whole house looked made with lots of love and care. It was absolutely inviting.

After ringing the door bell, it was immediately opened by a still super excited Tessa. She quickly ran away as she saw that it was me. I entered the house slowly not sure if I should go in or not.

“Come in. I'm in the kitchen!” I heard Dana call to me.

Not sure where to go, I just followed the sound of glasses and silverware banging. First I had to go through the living room though. The furniture in it had light colours and everything looked clean and new. The autumn sun was enlightening the room. I wished I could sit down and just relax in between the soft cushions placed on the sofa.
I was so impressed about the interior that I almost forgot why I was here. Dana then stepped into the room knife and a piece of sandwich bread in her hand. Turning I saw that the kitchen was connected to the living room by a door.
“Come here.” Dana said and disappeared into the other room again. I followed.

My eyes nearly popped out of my head, when I entered the kitchen. It was huge. There was a isle of kitchen cupboards with a work surface in the middle of the room. Around it, along the walls were more cupboard, a tall silver fridge and freezer, the oven and all the other furniture you need for a well equipped kitchen. It was all held in white and silver.

“Wouw! That is...impressive!” I exhaled and stepped up to the kitchen isle in the middle of the room. Dana was standing on the other side of it, preparing a sandwich.

“It's pretty good, ya.” She said with a grin and a smirk. “All I ever wanted was room to move in my kitchen. This is my dream come true.” She pointed around with the knife in her hand.

“It is a dream. The whole house is! I have to admit, I envy you totally.” I said. My eyes were still taking in all the stuff around me in absolute amazement.

When Tessa came running into the kitchen I was quickly pulled back. She grabbed my arm and tried to drag me along.

“I think she likes you now.” Dana laughed as she watched me follow her daughter out of the room.

Tessa was eager to show me her room. I was curious about it as well. And I hadn't imagined too much. It was a big room as well. With toys about everywhere. Mostly girly stuff, like dolls and dresses for them. Little ponies and houses for the dolls. Plus lots of stuffed animals. It was also a child's dream come true.

We left as soon as Dana was done with the sandwiches. I had feared that the drive would be a bit long, but Dana and me nearly weren't able to say a word with a non-stop babbling Tessa sat in the back.
Some time after half an hour or so, Dana made a face at me and whispered:
“I should have warned you.”

“Nah, it's okay. I like it.” I stole a quick glance to the back where Tessa was talking more to herself about what she would do in the swimming pool than to anybody else in the car. “She's cute. A real sunshine.”

“Oh yeah, a sunshine!” Dana rolled her eyes again. But I could see that she really wasn't all that nerved about her daughter. The pride was more than evident all over her face.

When we arrived at the swimming facility and after I had gotten us three tickets for the day, Dana and Tessa went to change in one cabin and me into another. Tough luck for me, ai? Hehe.

I haven't been swimming since a long time and hoped my swimming suite was still fitting me. I was lucky. Still, I think I need to do more sports.

I have to tell you one thing: I was prepared for a lot for the day. What I didn't think of, was what Dana would wear as a swimming outfit. Jesus! What a mistake!

I was out he changing rooms first and used the time to get us our couches for the day. I also used the moment to have a look around. Luckily it wasn't very busy. The few people in the place were mostly elder people. Only a few kids with their parents were running around. All in all, it had a very relaxing atmosphere. Exactly what I had wanted for Dana.

Dana. Yep, she's beautiful. My god!
I was looking around to find out where the children's pool was, when suddenly Tessa came running to me. She was wearing a pink (what else!?! Hehe) bikini and white flip-flops.
“Hey...that is very chic, girl! Look at you!” I laughed and kneeled down to her level. Tessa laughed and gave me a hug. I was surprised at that but was more than willing to let it happen. While I was holding her in my arms, I looked up and saw Dana coming towards us.

The view took my breath away in an instant. My eyes wandered from long legs up over a thin waist, beautiful breasts until they met Dana's brown eyes taking me in. For a second I thought I saw amusement, but I was so taken aback by how beautiful she looked, that I couldn't pay any more attention to it. Unconsciously I licked my lips as my eyes, as if on their own, wandered back over Dana's body. I was helpless to stop. As much as I fought to.

Dana was fit. Tight stomach muscles rippled with every step she made towards me. Her breasts were (excuse myself, but I just have to tell you) full and only hid to my few by a bikini-top. Just enough to not look too coarse, but that way even more sexy. Her bikini was white, as pure as snow. Dana's skin was tanned from the summer sun still. All I wanted at that moment, was to step up to her and let my fingers travel over her arms and stomach. To lower my lips to her and taste her skin.

Blinking a few times and turning my eyes to the floor, gave me the seconds I needed to slow down  my heart beat again. I took a deep breath, when Dana stepped up to me.
“So....are you two ready to go swimming?” She dropped the bag with sandwiches and towels to the couch I had held free for us.

Had she seen my reaction to her? I hadn't been careful enough! And I damned myself for it! She wasn't supposed to ever find out what I was feeling for her or what she was doing to me. Never. And I wanted to keep it that way.

Preparing myself for another look at Dana, I let go of  Tessa and stood up. Dana's eyes followed my movements and she gave me a sweet smile as I was finally stood in front of her.

“You're not going to go swimming. Not yet anyway.” I stated simply.

“I'm not?” Dana asked surprised. “What are we here for then?”

“Oh, Tessa and me, we are going swimming.” I reached down for Tessas hand. She looked up at me and then at her mother in wonder.
“You, are going to get pampered in the wellness area!” With that I reached under my towel and held out a red wrist band.
“Just put this on and you will be allowed to go into the Wellness park over there. It's all ready for you. Massage, moor package, cosmetic treatment. Whatever you want.”

I grinned at Dana, who was looking at me as if I was coming from another planet.

“How? No, no, no. That must be much too expensive.”
Dana waved me off and took a step back. I still held the wristband out to her.

“Yes, yes, yes. You deserve it. And it's all payed for already. Now. If you don't hurry, I wasted all that money for nothing. You're losing time. Worthy time of relaxation, silence and people taking care of anything you want.”
I gave Dana a provoking look. She frowned, but was still fighting against it.
“Come on, if not for yourself, do it for me. Please.”

Dana shook her head no, while pulling a face at me. Then she held out her right arm for me to put the wrist band around it. I smiled. It was so nice to give her that. She deserves it. For being such a good mother, such a good friend. Such a good wife. I think Frank doesn't realise what treasure he has in her..

I quickly let go of Tessa's hand and stepped up to Dana's arm. Gently I took it and placed the wrist band around it. I allowed myself to let my fingers linger on her skin longer than actually needed. She didn't seem to mind. That encouraged me to lay my palm flat onto her arm.

Dana watched my hand and then looked up at me. Her lips were quivering but she didn't say anything. I reached out with my other hand and laid it against her cheek. Looking her deeply into the eyes, I calmly said:
“Just take some time for yourself, okay? Enjoy it totally. And don't worry about Tessa and me. We are going to have one hell of a day out here. Okay?”

I watched Dana nod. Slowly I dropped my hand off her cheek, lifted up her hand and placed a gentle kiss on her fingers. All the time looking into her eyes. She returned my look with something like wonder filling her gaze.

I didn't like not to have her around me for most of the day. But knowing that she will be treated like a queen for once, was good enough for me to let go and gently push her into the direction of the Wellnes Area.
“Go, now!”

Dana looked back a few times to me and Tessa as she was tentatively walking away.

“Now, to the both of us. What do you want to do first? The slide? Or the children's pool? Or what else?”
Tessa seemed to be surprised that her mother was leaving us but as I suggested all the things we could do, she had already forgotten about it.

We had a wonderful time together. I really like that girl. She's so cute and well behaved. I can see so much of her mother in her. It breaks my heart to know that she has to live in an environment like her father is creating for her. I hate it. But it wasn't something I wanted to think about then. Instead I really enjoyed playing around with her. We laughed and laughed and laughed. In  between we ate sandwiches and an ice cream that I had bought her. She was fully savouring the day. At some point, I allowed her to go play with some other kids in the children's pool, while I was floating  in the warm water against the rim of another pool beside it. My arms stretched out outside the pool so I didn't sink into the water. From time to time I looked out to Tessa to check if everything was okay. Even though there was absolutely no danger because there was a pool attendant watching over the kids.

“Hey there.” A soft voice beside my ear made me jump. Two warm arms slid around my shoulders and soft lips were then pressed against my cheek. A sigh escaped my mouth. I quickly bit my lips. Goose bumps immediately rose over my arm, when I felt Dana's body behind me. She was now kneeling directly behind me. I could smell her perfume all around me. It made me dizzy. I lifted my left hand and laid it onto her arms, that were nestled around my throat.

“What was that for?” I asked and turned my head to the side. Dana grinned and in one elegant move she slid around me and into the water. I dropped my hand back onto the rim of the pool. With her motion her arms slid half off me. But instead of letting totally go, Dana entwined her fingers behind my neck. Her legs were treating water around us as she was trying to stay on level with me. I didn't dare moving. My body suddenly felt hot and cold at the same time. Dana was so close to me that all I would have needed was to lean my head a bit forward for a kiss. I felt long, gentle fingers loosen from behind my neck and wander into my hair at the back of my head.

Our eyes locked. Breathing became hard as I was getting pulled into her.

Dana smirked at me and then moved forward and gave me a hug. I immediately slid one arm around her so she wouldn't sink into the water. Her body against mine, so warm and soft, made my stomach turn. A thousand ants started to dance around in me.

“Thank you for the very, very relaxing, enjoyable wellness day!” Dana said, her lips brushing against my ear as she talked. Full breasts pressed into me. I bit my lip not to moan.

Why was she doing this? Teasing me? Playing with me? Has she realised what I wish for the most? And is making a game out of it now? Why would she do that? Can't she see what this is doing to me? Maybe she likes it. To know that there is someone that adores her and wants her. Is she the type to use this just to make herself feel good about herself? No, I don't think so. She's not the type to behave that way. I mean, yeah, I bet she can be a naughty girl. Damn it, how much I wanted to find out that moment.
But there is no way she would be naughty with me. Then please, dear Dana, don't do this to me. God! You're taking my heart out of my chest and then you hold it in front of me. Just out of reach and hope to ever get it back. What am I going to do with you, Dana!?! My thoughts were whirling around and as so many times before when she had come too close to me everything around me became meaningless. Blurred away. Only her and me mattered.

“I hope you enjoyed it.” I whispered in return into her ear. My hand, around her body, squeezed her gently.

“You have no idea, how much I did.” Dana laughed and leaned back. “By the way, where is Tessa?” Dana frowned at me and freed herself from my arm. Looking around in search of her daughter, I was lucky that she didn't see the disappointment on my face.  I reached out and grabbed her by the waist with one hand. Then I turned her softly but firmly around until she was looking into the direction of the children's swimming pool.
“There!” I pointed out. In the middle of all the kids was Tessa, having a water fight with a boy. She was laughing and squeaking in joy.

Even though Dana was now with her back to me and I could see only a tiny bit of her face, I was able to see that she was smiling from ear to ear. I smiled as well.
“She's wonderful. Such a sweety.” I said, watching Tessa play around.

Dana nodded and turned to climb out of the pool beside me. Sitting down with her legs still dangling in the water, she watched her daughter as well. I looked up at Dana.
“She's just like you.”

Dana lowered her gaze at me. A small blush coloured her cheeks. I guess that is why she slapped me playfully on the shoulder and laughed. To hide her embarrassment.

“Hey!” I was just about to pull her back into the water, when Tessa came up behind her mother.

“Mommy!” She squeaked and jumped up and down. I pulled back from Dana and instead climbed out of the pool.

We didn't stay very much longer. It was getting late and Tessa was obviously getting tired. She fell asleep right after I had started the engine. Dana and me were relatively silent on the way. Even though we had the chance to talk, we didn't need to. It didn't feel weird or anything to just sit in silence. From time to time I looked to her and she returned my gaze with a smile or a wink.
When we were about ten minutes from her house, I broke the silence.
“What is Frank going to say about today? Will you tell him?”
I was scared that he would get angry when he found out what we did today. I hadn't thought that far earlier, but now that we were getting closer to Dana's home, it came back to my senses.

Dana seemed to have forgotten about it as well. She thought for a moment and then shrugged her shoulders.
“He's not at home this week. He had to leave for a conference yesterday night and will come back only on Saturday in two weeks. So, I don't know if I am going to tell him at all.”

I was kind of happy that he wasn't at home. Is that bad of me? To feel good that Dana is alone at home without her husband? If so, I don't care.

“Do you think that is a good idea? He will find out. Tessa will tell him. And then what?” I looked at Dana thoughtfully. Her eyes travelled into the back mirror and onto her sleeping daughter.

“I don't know. Maybe I will tell him. Could we maybe just forget about it at the moment?” She turned her eyes to me and begged.

It stunned me but I accepted it. For now, I didn't want to think about it either.

When we arrived at Dana's house, it was dark outside already. While Dana was carrying hers and Tessa's bags, I carefully lifted the girl into my arms.

As gently as possible, I carried her into the house and, after Dana told me so, into her room on the first floor. Laying her down on her bed, I stood up and looked down at the small form. No kid should ever live through anything as horrible as what she probably has gone through already.

Dana came into the room after me.
“I'll take care of her now. Thank you.” She said with a thankful smile.

“May I use your bathroom?”

“Of course, go ahead. Out the room and to the left.”

I left Dana to change Tessas clothes into her pyjamas.

The bathroom was as magnificent as the rest of the house. Blue tiles on the wall, light ones on the floor. Everything very clean and shining. I was wondering at that moment, how Dana was able to keep the whole house so clean while working and taking care of Tessa. She's an amazing woman!

As I left the bathroom, I heard Dana in her, I suppose, bedroom.
“You want to wait downstairs? I'll be there in a minute.”

I did as wished and went into the living room. Sitting down on the single seater I took another look around the room.

Dana didn't take long. When she came down the stairs, she had changed into more casual wear: jeans and a white t-shirt. It was maybe one or two sizes too big for her, but looked very comfortable. I smiled at her. Even dressed that way, she's making me totally crazy.
“I hope you don't mind.” Dana said, pointing out her shirt.

“No, of course not!”

“Good.” Dana let herself fall onto the sofa. Throwing her head  backwards she laughed.
“I wish she would always fall asleep that fast!”

“Well, it was a busy day for her.” I grinned. Dana looked over to me.

“That was a wonderful day. I don't think I have had so much fun ever before. Well, at least since a while. And Tess loved it too.”

“Yep, she did.”

“I think she really likes you. She's normally not that close with people so fast. With you, it was different.” Dana mused.

“I like her too. A lot. She's very special. A treasure.” I smiled at the memory of us two playing in the pool.

“She is my joy. I don't know how I would go on without her.” Dana explained, sadness filling her voice.
“And without you.” She added, but looked away.

“You could do without me. You're such a powerful woman.” I leaned forward in the chair. She needed to hear that and listen to it and understand it. The more powerful she feels about herself, the better she will be able to stand up against Frank.

“I'm not half as powerful as you think of me.” Dana replied, sitting straight up herself.

“Yes, you are. You will see that for yourself one day. I have seen it already though. And it impresses me. A lot.”

“I impress you?” Dana asked, wonder swinging in her voice. Curiosity as well, though.

“Yes, among other things.” I grinned and winked. How could I get out of this situation now? The day had been so wonderful that there was no room in it for sad talking. I wouldn't allow it.

“What other things?” Dana grinned as well. Cheeky and in a way so very coy.

She had caught me on the spot. Remembering how she had teased me, knowingly or not, in the pool today, I took the bait and held on to it. I pulled on it, like a caught fish on a fishing pole. Would she pull the other way or give in?

I held Dana's eyes, deepening our locked gazes. My smirk must have revealed to Dana that I was enjoying this way too much. She lifted a brow at me.

“You will have to find out for yourself.” I slowly said, looking her up and down.
I can play as well, girl!

“And how would I do that?” Dana got up and started walking towards the kitchen. She stole a glance over her shoulder at me and copied my up and downward look I had given her just a second ago. The left corner of her lips was twitching.

She was the one holding the line and I was the fish fidgeting on it. I had forgotten.

Dana disappeared out of my view. Taking a deep breath and looking to the floor for a second, I got up as well. My body was tingling with sensation. This game was making me crazy. I couldn't stop my heart from rushing so fast that I felt my whole body shake with every beat. My hands felt cold and warm at the same time. They were shaking as if I had to give a speech in front of a thousand people.

I heard Dana in the kitchen. She was pulling the line and I was slowly following her call. Stepping into the door frame to the kitchen, I stopped. Dana was stood by the fridge, back to me. In her hands in front of her body, she was holding a bottle of whine and two glasses. Had she heard me coming after her?

I slowly, like a panther sneaking up to it's prey, made my way through the kitchen, until I was stood right behind Dana. My body pressing against hers. Dana didn't move. A low sigh escaped her lips. I allowed my left arm to fly past the left side of her head. My hand landed against the fridge door. My other hand lifted to the right side of her head. I slowly dug my fingers into her hair and brushed it away from her throat.

A low, barely audible moan was all that showed me that Dana realised that I was there. I saw her eyes flutter shut, as my lips brushed along her skin, just underneath her ear. Her arms were still in front of her body. Her hands still holding on to the bottle and the glasses.

“You know exactly, how to look into me and find out what is in there.” I whispered, my breath tickling Dana's ear.

Another moan.

The fingertips of my right hand slowly travelled along Dana's neck until my palm was laying flat against her skin. With my fingers under her chin.

As my index finger slipped  upwards and over Dana's soft lip, I felt her place a soft kiss on it. It was, as if my heart had stopped beating. Time was stood still. Only the ants were marching all over my body. It was my turn to moan. I had fought against it, but this little gesture from Dana was weakening the last bit of defence I had left.

My lips brushed against Dana's ear. She leaned  against me and I had to fight not to fall backwards to the floor. My legs felt weak and were shaking.

With my moan still filling the air between us, Dana suddenly turned around. She leaned herself against the fridge. The bottle and glasses were now stuck right between us. My left hand still on the fridge beside Dana's head.

Brown eyes caught mine. And I fell. Deeper into and for her than ever before. My body was on fire. Not a billion horses would have been able to pull me away from her. Neither of us blinked or made a noise. I swear, I saw something like a fire burning inside her eyes, the flames pulling me into it like a moth to the light.

My right hand returned to Dana's throat. I slid the finger tips against the skin and upwards, past her ear, until I was able to dig them into her hair. Brushing my thumb over her ear, my eyes travelled in between Dana's eyes and her lips. They were opened just the tiniest bit, inviting me to come and taste them. I was aching to lean in and claim them. How much I wanted to taste her, feel her against me. Waves of heat were rolling over my body. My tongue slipped out and flew over my own lips. Slowly, in slow motion, I leaned in. Further and further.

Dana dropped her arms to the side, allowing me to slide even closer against her. As our bodies touched, breasts against breasts, hips against hips, Dana moaned again. Closing her eyes for a split second. I stopped, as our lips were less than an inch apart. Only a piece of paper would have fit in between. Searching her eyes again, I saw them open. Hers were begging me for more. To close the last distance between us.

I felt Dana's hot breath mingle with mine as she whispered to me:
“What are you doing?”
Her words sounded painful and longingly at the same. Scared but full of desire. As if she wanted me to stop but not before our lips made contact.

I didn't dare moving. Not forward, not backward. My greatest wish was only a hairs width away and yet,  I couldn't claim it.

“Please....” Dana whispered again. I saw her eyes flutter shut again and felt her body push against me as she was starting to lean into me.

“Mommy??”

I jumped. I think I have never jumped backwards and spun around to the side faster than this. I dropped my hands on the kitchen counter that was placed in the middle of the kitchen. Lifting myself up on my toes I exhaled and closed my eyes.

In the same instant that I had snapped out of it and moved away from Dana, I heard a loud clinking as the whine bottle and the two glasses landed on the ground.

“Shit!”

Out of the corner of my eyes I saw Dana sink to her knees, trying to collect the cullets. I turned my head to look at her. She, though was looking to the kitchen door while kneeling on the floor.

“Yes, honey?”

I blinked and turned my head the other way.

There, in the door frame, stood Tessa. In her pyjamas. One thumb in her mouth. Holding a teddy bear tightly to her body with her other arm. Her eyes were transfixed to her mother, tears slowly running over her face.

It was the most adoring sight, I have ever seen. Even though she had just interrupted something that left me shaking all over, I wanted nothing more than to take her into my arms and cuddle her close.

“I had a bad dream.”
She said, her childish voice shaking with fear. More tears were now splashing over her face. Dana immediately got up and stepped towards her daughter. Not to Tessa's eyes, but to mine, I could see how shaken she still was from what had just happened between us. I could read it and feel it in how she was walking and breathing.
When Dana walked past me I turned and grabbed her arm. She stopped right in track and turned to me. Our eyes met. She looked at me with surprise.

“Let me do it.” I stated and smiled at her gently. The signs she was sending me made it pretty clear that she had other things on her mind now than taking care of her daughter. And I don't mean it that way. What I mean is, that Dana seemed so weak and shaken that there was no way she would have been so easily been able to comfort her daughter. I think she needed comfort herself too much.

Dana realised that I just wanted to help and nodded. A small, shy smile on her lips.

“Hey sweety, shall we try to go back to sleep together, ya?”
I turned to Tessa and gave her a grin. The little girl's eyes rose to me and she nodded.

“That's great! Come on! Let me carry you!” I picked her up and took her back to her room. Sitting down beside her on the bed, she nestled into my arms.

“Do you want to tell me about your dream?” I carefully asked, as I slowly rubbed over her arms to calm her down. Her tears were slowly subsiding as she explained to me what she had dreamed. I listened carefully and then promised her that everything would be okay again and that I would stay with her until she fell asleep again.

Oh my god! She's so cute. How could anybody ever hurt such a sweet creature like her? How are people capable of that? I pray to anybody listening, that this won't happen to Tessa. That her little heart stays as pure as it is now.
I watched her chest rise and fall as she was falling back asleep. A sigh escaped my lips. When I was sure that she was back in the land of good dreams, I slowly climbed out of her hold and bed. Closing the door behind me, I stepped up to the stairs leading me back down to the main living area of the house. To the living room. To the kitchen. To Dana.

Oh god! At that moment it was sinking into me. What had I done? What had I thought of, allowing myself to go that far? How could I?!
I had promised myself to fight my feelings for Dana and to not let them stand between us. Never. And I didn't want her to know how much I was longing for her. Look at what mess I brought myself into!?! If she doesn't realise it now, how could she ever! Even a blind man would be able to see it all now. I had totally opened myself to her. In a way that was never supposed to happen. How was I to behave now? What did this mean for us?
Would she be scared of me? Of my advances to her? That I would try it again? She must have felt totally trapped. I didn't give her much of a chance to escape me, back there in the kitchen. Stuck in between the fridge and me.

Or did I? What would I have done if she had pushed me away from her? Forced her? Of course not! Never! I would have let her go. And try to play it all down with a tease or something.

But her...come to think of it closely, she didn't fight me off. She made absolutely no move to turn me down. Dana's moans ringing in my ear and the memory of her body pressing into me just before Tessa had stepped into the picture, confused me. What the hell? Had she been about to allow the kiss? Had she even wanted it just as much as I did? If she didn't, wouldn't she have pulled away quicker. Just freed herself from me. It would have been easy. But did she know that? Or had she been too scared to move.

What was I expecting down there? Would she be angry? Scared? Or would she embrace me with open arms?

I was scared. I can't tell you how scared.

Dana has become my best friend. Someone I want to share everything with. Obviously she's even more than that to me. But all I want, no matter what, is to be with her. Even if only as a friend. I don't want her to ever leave my life.

At that moment, considering what to say or do after going back to the kitchen, I was horrified. At myself. And at the prospect that my desire breaking through had destroyed what made me the happiest person on the planet.

I was scared, but had no choice than to go down and step up to Dana. And to however she would react to me.

I slowly climbed down the stairs and crossed the living room. A deep sigh and forcing myself to think positive, I stepped into the door frame to the kitchen.

Dana immediately looked up. She was sat on a chair at the other side of the middle kitchen unit. One hand was laying on the work surface, digging into a towel. The other was placed under her chin, fingers over her lips.

When our eyes met, I had to swallow. I was not able to read anything in Dana's gaze. She just looked at me motionless. Then blinked, twice.

I didn't move. What now? Should I say something? Excuse my behaviour? Or did she want me to come over and finish what I had started earlier. Why isn't there a guide to explain you what to do in a situation like that.

Fleeing the whole picture was an option that suddenly wiped out every other idea crossing my mind. It hit me like a fist in the stomach. Everything around me shut down. My lips moved on their own account.
“I should better go now.”

I heard my voice but wasn't able to stop it.

Dana blinked again and sat up straight on her chair. She dropped her other arm to the counter as well and nodded. Folding her hands on top of the towel.
“Yes.....I....”

I didn't even wait for her to say something. Before I could stop myself, I turned on my heels and made my way across the living room. Grabbing my jacket, that I had laid onto the back of the couch earlier, I hurried out the house and into my car.

My hands were shaking as I started the car and drove off. Don't ask me how I made it back home without an accident. Stupid of me, but in that moment, I wasn't able to think at all. Good that the cops didn't pull me over. I would have probably had to do a drug screening or something. That's at least how I felt. Totally wiped out, gone from the world.

I immediately dropped into my bed, not even bothering to take off my clothes. Tears were suddenly splashing out of my eyes and onto my pillow. I was hiding my face in it. Sobs shook my body.

Why did this have to happen?!? It was such a wonderful day! We had so much fun! And then I go and destroy it all. And maybe even more. With one moment of no control. One moment that I didn't pay attention. That I let myself be lured onto dangerous ground. My own fault that it now has collapsed under me.

I must have fallen asleep sometime. When waking up again, it was to my alarm reminding me that it was – and is now- Tuesday. A work day. Going to work, means meeting Dana. Means getting confronted with my slip-up.

Means, finding a way to deal with this.

I felt like eaten alive and then spit out again this morning. Standing under the shower, I, for a moment, considered, not going to work. To just call in sick. Pondering the idea, I quickly realised that this wasn't such a good idea after all. It would only mean, running from the problem. Not solving it. And maybe even making it worse.

It was bad enough that I had fled Dana's place like that yesterday. Not going to work would be the wrong thing to do. That's why I went.

When arriving at work, I stayed seated in my car at first. Leaning forward onto my steering wheel I stared at our building. My heart was racing with fear and nervosity. No idea, what I had in mind to say to Dana would I meet her in there.

It was then when I heard this beautiful song on my car radio playing. It was sang by a Katie Melua. It's lyrics hitting the spot directly:

How can I think I'm standing strong?
Yet feel the air beneath my feet.
How can happiness feel so wrong?
How can misery feel so sweet?

I turned up the sound and leaned back in my seat. Taking a deep breath I closed my eyes.

This is the closest thing to crazy
I have ever been.
Feeling twenty-two, acting seventeen.
This is the nearest thing to crazy
I have ever known.
But I was never crazy on my own.
And now I know
That there's a link between the two,
Being close to craziness, and being close to you

Yes, indeed, crazy was how I was feeling. Totally. The whole situation was. What had brought me here? Into feeling like this? I was cornered. No escape in sight.

How can you let me fall apart?
Then break my fall with lovin lies.

Yes, she does that. Whenever I realised that she had been hurt, especially now that I know what Frank is doing to her, I hurt as well. I fell apart, feeling so helpless and empty. My heart broke with every tear I saw on her pretty face falling. Only to be picked up and put back together again by Dana.

It's so easy to break a heart,
It's so easy to close your eyes.

I wanted to keep my eyes closed in hope that I never needed to open them again. That everything would be back to how it was before yesterday. At least before the 'kitchen incident'.

Sitting there, letting the song's melody calm my heart, I was wondering if I would be strong enough to go through with this. Or if my heart was to be broken yet again. Somehow I knew if that was the case, it would be worse than with Jasmin. The whole thing going on between Dana and me was on a whole different level.

When the song died away, I took another sigh and got out of the car. No matter what would happen, I had to go through with it. It was my own fault. And now I had to deal with the consequences.

Every step I had to take towards the building and up the stairs was like a little stab into my soul. Somehow I really made it into my office without getting stopped by anyone. Dropping into my chair, I immediately hid my face in my hands. This was going to be one hell of a day!

I had only quickly glanced at Dana's office door. It had been closed. No idea if she was in or not. And I wasn't ready yet, to knock and find out.

It stayed that way for the whole morning. Even at lunch break I didn't dare to go by Dana's bureau. I almost ran past it on my way to get something to eat. Returning to my own office, I kind of locked myself into it for the rest of the day.

Work wasn't anything I could think of today. Most of the time I was just sat in front of my computer screen staring at it. Whatever was on there totally blurred out of my sight. Instead all I could think of was yesterday and how it had felt to stand so close to Dana, back in the kitchen. How her hot breath had tickled my lips. Her moans asking me for more. Her body pressing firmly into me, just before Tessa had interrupted us. My mind was swirling with pictures how all would have continued hadn't she come in.
But she had and even though it had been the most exciting thing ever to happen to me, I now wished the 'kitchen incident' would have never happened. While fighting to get the emotions and pictures out of my heart and mind, I started to wonder if Dana was in today at all. If so, why wasn't she trying to contact me? But then again, I wasn't either. And I had more reason than her to go there and say sorry for advancing her like that. It hadn't been her fault. She had done nothing. Well, she had, teasing me in the pool already so much that I had been ready to explode. But I wasn't so sure that she had realised what she was doing to me. So, no, it wasn't her fault. There was no way she would have done it, if she knew what the final result were to be. Right?

I was tapping against the keys on my key board totally absent, when my mobile suddenly started buzzing. Twice.
Frowning I took it out of my trouser to read the sms.

If I had one wish, Myra, it was for you to take me out to the Plaza on Friday.

I gasped and checked the number. There, screaming at me bluntly, was the name Dana – mobile. I swallowed, nearly choking as my whole body suddenly stiffened. What the....!?! Was I dreaming? What was this supposed to mean?

The Plaza, to explain it to you, is a new lounge-club-bar. It opened a few weeks ago and already it is said to be one of the more elegant clubs in our town.  They have a strict dress code: no jeans, no sneakers – the little black one for the woman and the suit for the man. At least that was, what the flyer had said that Dana and me had found on her car about a month ago. Plus, there were some articles in the local press on it. Saying that this club was going to be a great hit and that the owners hadn't expected that it would start off that well. Especially since they were addressing a more grown up, stylish audience than other clubs.

My thoughts rushed back to that moment when we had the flyer. Dana had said that she would love to go to a place like that one day. But that Frank wasn't really the type to take her there. Especially since he always seemed totally stressed out when he was at home. Back then I had, so much, wanted to ask her to accompany me to the Plaza. Knowing that I couldn't ask and that it would never work out.

Now, re-reading the sms, my heart immediately made a flip. Had I read correctly? Was she asking me to take her there? Me? And her? After what had happened yesterday? Oh my god! Did that mean that she wasn't upset? That she already had forgiven me? Going to a place like that, did that mean she maybe even liked what we had done? Was she asking me for a date? 'Oh come on! Stop it, Myra!' I scolded myself. My fingers flew over the keys on my mobile by their own.

Are you asking me for a date?

It was direct but I was too tired to play around. I needed to know. Now.

I pressed the send button and waited. It didn't take very long for my phone to buzz again.

What do you want it to be?

Okay, she was teasing me again. Not good. Especially since my heart more than willingly participated in the game.
What to answer to that though? Of course I want it to be a date. Come on, Dana, if you can't see that alright? I think she can. Did she want to hear – read – it? Was I ready to open myself up like that?

I will follow you wherever you're going to take me.

I nodded my head. Good answer. Throw the ball back at her. And see how it's going to come back.

Saturday, 8 p.m., my house.

My brows rose at that. Okay, if she wants it that way. No answer. Alright. Leave me to worry. My mind to ponder and my soul to wish. Great! This sucks!

Her wish is my command, though. Saturday it is then.

But what about Tessa? And Frank? Most of all, Frank? Right, she has said that he is on a business trip. But he will be back one day! Then what? Not my problem to think about? Oh yeah, it is. And maybe in there my answer is laying. She would never cheat on him. She loves him. More than once she has told me so.

That means, it's no date. And I have worsened the whole thing yet again with my cockiness. When will I learn? Damn this!

When I left work, I still felt a bit dizzy from all that has happened in the last 24 hours. But my head is now also turning around what is going to be. On Saturday. And the days after that.

I will have to go to town tomorrow. To buy me some new clothes. Date or not, I want this to be special. And for special occasions, you need special clothes. I'm actually looking forward to go clothes shopping. Haven't done that for a long time. And to know what it will be for, is making it even better!

For today I think I have written more than enough. There has a lot happened yesterday and today. My head is totally dizzy from it all. I hope you don't feel the same. I have to use the next few days to get myself back together, so that I will be able to think straight.

For now though, I think I'm just going to take a long bath. And then go to bed.

Have a good night yourself!

Take care.


Yours,


                        Myra