Happiness is a Choice

What is Your Addiction?

One of the things I enjoy most about writing communities is how other authors' works cause me to think.  Such was the situation with a post I read on another site.  It was entitled Addiction and written by Starmyst.  As an introduction to her piece, the author wrote "Addiction can take many forms."  The post spoke of the consequences of physical dependence on the drug of choice, but for me, the introduction expanded that message.  I thought about habits, both good and bad, that could be more accurately described as mental and emotional addictions.  Some of those work toward personal peace, contentment and prosperity, while others are poisonous to healthy living.

To avoid thinking all of the meaning out of something, I often discuss philosophical issues before posting anything for public view.  More frequently than I care to admit, I find my head is not quite on straight, and lively debate helps to crystalize the idea in my mind.  Randall was my victim this afternoon.  We were having coffee on the deck when I blindsided him with the enigma.

"What are you addicted to?"

"Coffee,"  he answered with a smile.

"Okay.  And what else?"

"What are you getting at, Ann?"

"Well, I've been thinking about how addiction affects our society.  I don't necessarily mean physical addiction or a drug dependence.  That's pretty clear and easy to see.  I'm talking about those little quirks we have within ourselves."

"Did you see that cardinal on the fence?"  Randall has a way of simply changing the subject when he's gone about as far as he wants with one, but I plowed on.

"Yes, I saw the cardinal.  Anyway, you know how sometimes when you ask a person how they are feeling, and you know they are feeling pretty good.  Still they'll answer with something like: Oh, I'm okay, except for a little ache in my knee.  It's as if they have an addiction to being ill.  Maybe they've been sick a long time or were once seriously ill, and it just doesn't seem right to be okay.  So, they add a little ache to make their world more normal for them."

He laughed.  "I saw a t-shirt today.  It read Member in Good Standing of the Piss and Moan Association."

My turn to laugh.

"That's what I mean.  There's this one woman at work who must add a complaint to any good report.  If you ask her how did the party go that was thrown in honor of her birthday, she's likely to say:  Great, but my hair appointment was delayed fifteen minutes.  I had to waste half the morning just waiting.  She's addicted to complaining, so she is not comfortable in a world where everything goes well.  When it does, she'll add some little whine to keep her corner a comfortable place to be."

I added with a laugh, " Maybe I could get one of those shirts and leave it anonymously on her desk."

"Do you not think she knows how negative her personality is?"

"Oh, I do think she knows!  I think she wishes she were more positive and pleasant, but she's not.  Other people at the office talk about how miserable she is, but they stopped taking her seriously a long time ago."

"How do you know she wants to be less of a whiner?"  he asked.

"On some level, she is a people person.  I've heard her on the phone with customers, and she's one of the best.  Any listener can tell she's enjoying those conversations and the interaction taking place.  She doesn't come across as a malcontent to her customers.  She's not an obvious 'user' in her work product, so to speak.  She's fun, upbeat, knowledgeable and someone that her clients want to do business with."

"Maybe that's where her so-called addiction shows up  ... in making the sale.  Maybe the nothing-goes-right attitude is who she really is.  Maybe people are just who they are, Ann."

With that said, Randall mumbled something about getting his camera so he'd be ready when the cardinal returned.  He went into the house. 

I just hate it when he's right, but I'm not convinced he is this time.  I'm addicted to winning! 

There's evidence every person is born with the capacity to be a contented, pleasant and contributing member of society.  As proof, thousands of people world-wide have excelled in spite of limiting physical or mental capacities.  Some are well-known, such as Vincent Van Gogh, Sir Isaac Newton, or Helen Keller.  Most examples bear names not likely to ring familiar to anyone outside their immediate circle or profession, such as Dr. Ruth Pitts, an accomplished pianist and teacher with only five fingers between two hands.   

Something along the way alters the thinking of the people who fall into a rut of failure or mediocrity.  They became addicted to losing.  In some instances, 'losing' served them well, as in the case of a undisciplined or unmotivated child.  Some individuals were brainwashed by a parent, a teacher, a spouse, or someone they considered an authority figure.  They came to believe they were unworthy of happiness and fell into an addiction with inferiority.

There is a statute of limitations --or should be-- on using any abuse or circumstance as an excuse for an addiction to a second-class life.  Breaking the patterns and the strings tying us to our discontent is difficult, but doable.  It's more of a matter of changing the focus of our dependence from the wrong thoughts to the right ones.

Where's that Twelve Step Plan!