First Place Winner in Earlybird's Author's Spotlight for July-August round (Season 3) |
This round's prompt involves writing a pure dialogue item. It should be a dialogue between twin brothers who are both in love with the same woman. They are supposed to be arguing about love and sex matters in the same connection with the common woman. Here is my attempt: Vicarious Love "Hi, Amaan, howdy? When did you reach home?" "Hiya Ayaan! I am fine. I came home over an hour ago, man!" "Okay, big bro, did ya meet Sheena today?" "Big bro? What's up, dude? I am only 3 minutes older than you, okay?" "Three minutes! O, Man! Isn't that relevant at all? " "Ya, it is ... in the cosmic scheme of things, but 'tween us, it don't really matter, you know ..." "Whatever ... okay, tell me ...Did you and Sheena ... I mean, Sheena and you ... did you meet today?" "'Course, we did. Weren't you our witness when I had answered her phone today morning?" "Yup ... I was, but you never mentioned clearly whether she wanted to speak with you or me ..." "Me, of course. If she had wanted to speak to you, do you think I would have carried on conversing with her for the next ... what was it? ... ah, ten minutes? And, did you not hear me promising her to meet her today afternoon?" "Oh, come on, Ayaan, don't be naive. You know I have been seeing her too, off and on. Did I not start dating her eight months ago after you requested me to do so and "e-val-u-ate her" ... your own words, right?" "I did. That was because I was shy and felt nervous to meet her. And you, Amaan ... you fink! Instead of evaluating her, you start falling in love with her and ... and ... oh, you make my blood boil!" "Cool it, bob, cool it, be the elder brother that you are instead of reddening like an over-ripe tomato! I did the evaluation just as you had requested. It was going so smoothly: big brother makes friends with an unknown girl on a Yahoo! chat, wants to date her, and asks his younger brother to impersonate him and figure out if the girl is right for him ... which is exactly what I did!" "Oh, come, come, Amaan. Your brief was to evaluate her, not take her on candle-light dinners and beach-side picnics ... and then, and then ..." "I had to do all that to really, really know her, you know ..." "You hypocrite, you scoundrel, you ... What was the need to send her a Valentine's card with a huge teddy, tell me?" "I did that, sure, but that was the least expected of me ... er, you ... or else she would have got offended. Then one day, the cat was out of the bag ..." "Exactly, you son of a ... You gave away your real name ... and by that time she had already fallen in love with YOU!" "I apologised to you then, did I not, and did we not all three meet within the next two days and explain all the misunderstandings to her?" "Yes, and that's the only good thing you did, you moron! Because, a week after that, when I am away, she calls up here to ask for me, and you say that "Ayaan is ill", and you go and meet her and one thing leads to another and you ... you ACTUALLY GO TO BED WITH HER! " "I ... I couldn't help it, bro. As you say, one thing led to another, and I had had a drink too many, and it was all I could do to say NO to her ... and I swear to God, I said it when she kissed me, I said it when she opened my shirt buttons and moved her fingers into my chest hair, I said it when the zip was down, and I even said it ..." "STOP IT! STOP IT OR I WILL KILL YOU, AMAAN!" "Bro, calm down, please. I plead guilty to whatever happened that day, but I did make amends by sending you to her the very next morning with a bunch of red roses I had purchased with my money." "Yes, you did, but what an ass you made of me! The first thing she does, she goes down on her knees and checks me for bites. Then she coolly gets up and asks me to dress up and @@@@ off!" "Ha ha, wasn't that a clever thing to do ... Ouch! Why did you slap me?" "You ... you skunk ... how dare you laugh at me!" "I find that incident funny. You have to be a little philosophical about these things, bro." "Now, look here. Sheena is all MINE. Don't you dare to mess with me, you savvy?" "Oh, yes, she is yours to do what you want, but don't blame me for the fact that she, in fact, prefers younger blood to older one. She likes MY attitude, MY dancing, MY vegetarian eating habits and MY bed habits ..." "Aargh, Amaan, don't rub it in. I know ...(whimper) (sob) ... she does ... can't you tutor me a bit and make me worthy of her?" "Now, now, don't cry so, brother. I am touched by your request. Let's sit down and work it out, okay?" "Hey, that's so nice of you ... and listen: I think the phone is ringing! It must be her. Please, please take the phone and tell her thanks on my behalf while I go and wash my face ..." "Bro ... I feel like I am on the seventh heaven!" "What?" "She asked me to marry her!" "WHERE IS MY GUN?" *********************************** Judge Earl's comment: D3T1 - I've read this task several times and found it interesting. The introductory and the ending are both commendable. The conflict is portrayed well. Dialogues are great. Earl © Dr. Taher Kagalwala, July 2008 - ## Dr.Taher ## |