I'm Studying You

Pizza, brownies and love. Lots of it.

For today, I admit defeat. Noe rose up to the challenge and outfucked me. Hardcore. And if you must ask, unfortunately you'll never know. Besides, as bitter and malcontent as I am today, I'm not feeling the mood to make every other word a four letter fuckfest.

One of the things that seems to run on in my family tree is the lack of communication. I'm as guilty as the next person sharing DNA; I know this much is true. But word to my potential seeds...the right hand of this family is oblivious to the left. It means well, but lacks the wherewithal to give a fuck sometimes. (Whoops. There's that fuckin' word sneakin' in again.)

Dad calls me last night and I tell him to either call me or have my sis call me when they know what's up for today. Supposedly the talk was going to Thursday at the Square, which is a free concert series downtown. It sucks because 95% of the people who go don't go for the music. They go because it's the place to be on Thursdays. Motherfuck that.

So anyway, after lunch I decided to text my sis and welcome her home. This is how it went:

Me: I just wanna scream hello!
Selfish Whore (yes, that in fact is her nickname and she does answer to it): Hey u u gonna be at dads on sunday for dinner?
Me: Yes indeedy sweetie. What's up with goin' to the Square later?
SW: Dad and them are goin to some concert in canada. We're goin to meet some friends from florida.
Me: Guess I'll see ya sunday.
SW: OK, love ya!
Me: Much love.

Fuckin' what??? Dad and my aunt and uncle are crossing the border?? Shit, there goes my chance to make uncomfortable small talk with In Your Dirtiest Pants . And thank you for taking my feelings into consideration. Just because you flew in from Tampa and your life is on straight it doesn't make you special. And it doesn't make everything be about you. Priveledged wankerette. How does my bitterness taste?

To further complicate things, dad mentioned nothing about Canada last night. I was under the assumption we all might be hitting The Square as somewhat of a familial unit. What the fuck was I thinking?

In other news, stupid CWC thought I got a job. I no longer like her being polite and cute and nice to me. She needs to forget I exist. On the real. Only it blows when there is no love in life to potentially look forward to. Kinda makes life halfheartedly inconsequential.

K-Wol got his first paycheck from the grocery store today, and the rule states: You buy pizza with your first paycheck for everybody. Like a good man, homes came through. Winkler, K and his lil cuz H-bomb went to Little Caesers for some za and some breadstick-like substance. Brought that shit to Burger King and I ponied up for drinks so we could eat at the almost swanky outdoor tables while some drunks tried getting chatty on us. Depew almost does it right y'all. Be nice to me and I'll give you instructions on how to find a diesel piccy of me on the world wide whatthefuck. I mean that...it exists, outside of WDC.

Hunter made brownies the other day, which was nice when he brought them over. So the joke was all about brownies today, to the point where after pizza we went to Walgreens and I dropped $2.29 on brownie mix. But Bomber has no clue how to make brownies with peanut butter. How in the fuck does that kid not fall down more often?? K-wol steps up bigtime...makes the pb brownies AND throws M&M's and white chocolate chips into the mix, PLUS brings over some poundcake his hot mom made earlier. Winkz and I were chillin', deep conversation-style with a dvd in of a video that can actually get me teary, or at least verklempt. Go on and youtube "At Your Funeral" by Saves The Day and wait for me to one day correlate that video to "Cats In The Cradle" by Cat Stevens or Yusef or Ugly Kid Joe or whoever the fuck. I swear, I will blubber.

I love you, Nicole.

You are one hell of a kickass friend. Thank you for being a part of my life and for taking an interest in the words I commit to the world. You are, and always will be, cool shit. I'd marry ya if you weren't already engaged, and I didn't fuck that topic up too many years ago. I'm proud of you for all that you are and all you've done for me, and I'm happy beyond words for you and Craig, even if he still hates me. You're an amazing woman. I'm lucky to have been thought of as a tiny piece of your life and been able to witness your growth as a person.

Did I mention the highlight of my day yesterday? Probably not because I was too fucking absorbed by my angst and hatred. Playing catch with Jake and throwing the football across the street, I attempted to throw it over a passing semi. Bad move, because my arm fatigued and it hit the front corner of the trailer. Niiiiice.

I guess this is goodnight my friends. I'm gonna pop in a cd I can sing along to and peace the fuck out. Remember, I'm available for Bah Mitzvas, weddings and threesomes, and always tip your DJ.