My Saga with Leukemia

No Longer in Control

The staff wasted no time in getting me settled in. Before I barely had time to blink, it seemed I was in my bed, my vitals had been recorded, I was given a menu from which to order my meals over the phone, and my family was allowed back in the room for a brief visit with me before leaving.

I tried ever so hard to be strong for them all, but in the end I could only nod my head when they said their good-byes. Jason and his family left first. Knowing I wouldn't be seeing my "grandbabies" (ages one and 2-1/2) for weeks, broke my heart. I had been their babysitter from the time they were born and now I felt so cut off from them. Who would watch them while their parents worked? Certainly no one who understood or loved them as much as me.

Bill stayed for a short time, encouraging me to eat some lunch. I obliged him by ordering some soup and a sandwich and together we watched "something" on the television, more for distraction than anything.

Knowing he had a long drive ahead of him to get home, I reluctantly kissed him good-bye and called the nurse so they could finish getting me settled in. Within a short time I was whisked down to have my bone marrow examined, then wheeled to the lab to have a Hickman Catheter inserted in my chest with three IV tubes that would be used for blood draws, dispensing of medicine and the transfusions that would be a daily part of my "new" everyday life.

I felt like a rat in a cage, with no voice to make a change. It was only my complete lack of energy that helped me escape into sleep the majority of that first week.