Snow Melt

Denial into acceptance

My response to the Leading Journal entry by Paige Turner for September 23, 2008.

Paige Turner wrote “Gratitude…turns "Invalid Entry" , chaos to order, confusion to clarity.”

I love my toxic sister. I am grateful that she doesn't live with Mom and me. I pray that the next time she say "Can I come live with you and Mom for a while?" I have the sense to say "No, you can't" All right, I have a problem saying NO.

I know that saying YES is enabling, but I couldn't help it in the past. The present and the future are completely different stories. Now it's a simple matter of self-preservation. My mother depends on me and I can't have someone living in the house I can't trust. There, I wrote it, the phrase I've been thinking for years. Now the next step is to say it face to face, which may or may not ever happen.

At one time, I wanted to be close to my sister. I know women and girls who are best friends with their sisters. I would have like that, I suspect it may be too late now, but there is always that distant shadow of hope. I'm too stubborn to give up hope, after all I take after my father. I'm just no longer going to be foolish enough to let that shadow interfere with logic and numerous past experiences with my sister.

I love my toxic sister. Sounds like a good bumper sticker. However, since I'm not going to have one made and wouldn't waste the bumper space to put it on my car; I'll just have to use it as the title of a short story or poem.