Trina's Journal/Blog

The Pursuit of Happiness

Days since Layoff: 2 months and 24 Days, exactly 2040 hours
Emotions: Focus is much clearer, feeling relieved.
Daily Activities: New Ventures and determination for a brighter tomorrow.

For anyone who read my last article, you will realize that I had a decision to make. Well after many cups of coffee, restless sleeps, and a bout of vertigo, I made up my mind. The decision for me was NOOOOOOO!!! I want to thank everyone for their comments and support as it wasn't an easy hurdle to jump. Prior to this job offer, I was feeling depleted and demoralized by the lack of calls I had been receiving from companies that I applied to.

For the past 2 months and 24 days, when someone would say to me, "Don't worry Trina, something will come.” I would cringe. The word SOMETHING was driving a knife deep within me. After long thought, one day I stated that I wasn't looking for SOMETHING, I was searching for THE THING.

I'm thirty-five years old and going on thirty-six in exactly twelve days. I have been experienced many rough waters throughout my life. In my 20's, my lack of education inspired me to persevere as I worked overtime, weekends, and travelled for days while my toddlers stayed home in daycare. Unless I decide to return to school to start my journey through University or College, my days of settling and starting from the bottom is over. I will wait and be patient because I've worked hard and I know that I'm good at what I do. May it be in the Energy sector, Renovations, Self-Employed or even within an office, I know one thing......I'm great at the person that I've worked hard to be. So settling is not an option until push becomes a monstrous tractor shoving me over.

So what do I do now? Well, in the past week, I started to think short term. Christmas is coming, I'm an excellent cook (despite my lack of desire of cooking nighly suppers). Solution? Sharon and I have decided to give Holiday Baking a go and attend various craft shows in the area. It helps with Christmas and it allows me to work side by side with one of my favourite people in the world.

Now that short term has been decided upon, I have no doubt that the long term will fall into place. I have had rougher waters in the past to push through and I feel that after making this decision, my inital struggles and lack of self esteem are well behind me. Sure, I will have those days off and on, but refusing this job was probably the best thing I have EVER done simply because I did not succumb to the "SOMETHING" factor.

To settle for something, when we can be so much more, only puts us three steps back. Three steps back is a place no one should be. Is the "Something factor", a fear factor that is preventing most people from living their best life?

Many will read this and state that they cannot understand why I didn't take this job. A job is a job. It will feed your family. Initially, I considered myself as being pompous and arrogant, depriving my children. I approached my ambivalence with Toby (truly my greatest supporter, as I am his). After a very brief discussion, I realized that no I'm being neither as I'm just being true to myself and my desire to be happy as many hours as I can in a day.

Happiness breeds happiness. We cannot give our true selves to our family and friends, if we are not happy with all aspects of our life. Sure, I could mask it with the money I make and provide Playstation 3's and a ton of niceties’s under the Christmas tree, but after all is said and done, it'll all end up in a garage sale or on Kijiji in a few years or sooner.

The only piece of advice from this experience that I can offer is to “Live the Dream”. Unless you love Oprah and her insights as I do, forget buying Oprah's Big Book of Happiness. It cannot be found in a book, it can only be found through times of struggle and indecision. The times where we have to look deep within and avoid the surface noise that boggles our mind and spirit. Finding the Chris Gardner within us and not taking NO for an answer. Settling for the "Something Factor" does not allow us to grow. It should be a last resort when there is no other way to turn.

We have witnessed an African American become President. We have seen a 71 year old fight for candidacy. Each and every one of us has it within us to be the best that we can be. From this moment forward, I will make my decisions for ME and for MY happiness. "Breathe a sigh of relief."