Despertar

personal statement

Five-foot-six, one-ten. I invariably lie about my weight, including just now. In the past year, I have earned twenty-one parking citations and one speeding ticket. I still speed, when it's convenient. I am obnoxiously confident I can spell any everyday word in existence. I don't smoke and judge those who do. My hair sucks, and it's the reason I mostly stay out of swimming pools altogether. Objectively, I realize I have incredible luck, but I still don't think life is fair.

I think small, textured patterns (houndstooth, mandelbrots) are way more nauseating than poop or vomit. I don't sweat a lot, but I prefer tanks to any other kind of top because I get paranoid when fabric touches my armpits. Babies, the innocence of babies, the unrivaled cuteness of babies, the promise of a future filled with babies, are literally the topmost reason I haven't driven my car head-on into a brick wall yet. I'm afraid to get a cat because my mother says that means giving up on finding a man.

I have to take one pee trip per single sip of any diuretic. My belly button is pierced, but until I lose five pounds, I refuse to put a ring back in it. I believe most writers are good liars, but I'm not as good a liar as I tend to think I am. I oppose the death penalty because of what it's done to black lore. I don't really believe in Jesus, or that He has a practical significance in my present life. I only drink coffee for attention, so I always drink it black. It bothers me that Band-Aids don't come in more colors.

I never wear a hat. I like snow. I think my feet are really pretty, but I always forget to attend to my toenails. My eyebrows, believe it or not, are a window to my soul. I wish I were any man on the planet, because I believe the depth of a man's emotional distress is significantly shallower than a woman's. I generalize freely about the differences between men and women.

In the shower, I either talk to myself or I think about Justin naked. After years of piano training, I find it impossible to play a melody on my left hand or an accompaniment on my right, but can easily do the reverse. I would probably die of shame if anyone ever told me I had any detectable accent. I fully equate love with anxiety and pain. I have worn glasses, contacts, braces, retainers, casts, splints and every other ugly functional accessory imaginable. I am way more cavalier than I should be about birth control.

I recently decided everyone in my family is lying to me about my aunt's death. I don't really want to visit Europe. I resent squirrels. I only pray when I want something. I am utterly incapable of producing good poetry, but I admire anyone who can. Whenever I buy a round of shots, I take a mental snapshot of everyone at the table wincing with distaste. My mother used to buy me McDonald's as a reward for sitting through church. I am afraid of whales. I think I have a dirty mouth. I don't like the overwhelming look of a single, huge block of text.

For the above reasons, you should probably reject me from your school/firm/organization/relationship. Thanks again for your time.