Snow Melt

Oh, What a Funny Growth

"Invalid Entry"  in my front yard
where the elm tree used to be

My front yard is different since we lost the elm tree in the big wind in February. Now I can see all the way to the corner and at sunset, I can see the autumn clouds change from white to pastel pink or blood red. Growing around the reaming trunk of the elm tree is a plant. I don’t think it’s an elm because it looks more line a vine or a bush then a tree. It isn’t an oleander either. An oleander used to grow near the elm, but the plant that is growing there has apparently killed the oleander. At least, the oleander is dead and I’m not sure what killed it, but it wasn’t me.

I’ve changed as well. My transformation began in 2007 when my mother went into the hospital and had a bowl resection. I’ve noticed in the past year or so that a lot of issues have come to the surface which I didn’t deal with when I was younger. I have to deal with them now. I’m my mother’s caregiver when she needs one. She doesn’t think she needs one, but sometimes I’m not sure about that. Of course, sometime I think I may need a caregiver.

The funny growth in the front yard has become a symbol of my own change. All the branches or vines growing from the plant are the personal issues I have to deal with. In order to become more confident, I have to confront these issues and trim the tree of my soul. I have to cut off the self-talk that cast self-doubt across my mind. I have to deal with the present situation and any problems that come up. I have to trim the tree of my spirit daily through prayer, meditation and bringing myself to account.

I have to stop complaining about the situation and change it. I’m not one of those people who complains out loud. My complaints are usually to myself or written in my off-line journal. I’ve noticed that in the past year I’ve ranted a lot in that journal instead of bringing myself to account. A problem isn’t solved by ranting, but by taking action and working daily (sometimes hourly) towards a solution. A problem isn’t solved by closing your eyes and expecting it to go away. Monsters (problems) don’t go away when you close your eyes, but they do get smaller when you confront them.

My response to the November 29, 2008 leading entry by jessiokafroka