365 Day Journal Challenge

Day 2 - How Courteous are we?

How Courteous are we?

Depends on alot of things.  I live in the Southeast USA where manners in general are still expected in most towns.  Big cities are a bit different but overall, it really depends on the parents and how involved the neighborhood is with the children.  In the south, if you get on an elevator with someone, you are expected to nod if you make eye contact and it's rude if you don't make eye contact.  Usually someone will speak and you return the favor by saying something (even if it's just about the crowd or the weather or saying thanks if they say your kid is cute). 

If I'm in an area of town at work that is not commonly populated by those of my race, you still make eye contact, nod to each other, the key here is to acknowledge the other person's presence and that is called basic respect.  It doesn't matter whether your are a soccer mom, a drug dealer or a teen in any neighborhood.  We in the Southeast and especially smaller towns just know to do this I think.  You also  hear "Bless you" somewhere in a room if someone sneezes, you have some people's 7 yo sons opening the door for others if they get to it first.  You never know.  But, I do think that courteousness is sort of like sending a thank you note.  Since most folks don't do it, the fact that you do is a way to stand out in a good way and to get positive attention. If everyone did it, it would just be expected and you could do nothing but fall from grace.  So yes, I think it is still around but perhaps it is more by choice or habit and not as much by having been beaten (or guilted) into you as a child depending on the decade you grew up.  But also, I don't think it is so bad that some of the rules of courtesy have become lax.  It gives folks a chance to show their manners and show the degree of respect they have for someone.  Fifty years ago, if a kid said "Yes ma'am", I would have already expected it and wouldn't feel any special amount of being respected.  Now, if a kid does that, either they really respect me, or their parents raised them right which makes me feel better about the parents.  On the flip side, some of the clients I work with say yes ma'am because they are threatened by an inch of their life to put on a good show and those folks really scare me because you know something is up and it isn't good.  False courtesy is equally as obvious nowadays and it is even more annoying because you have to wonder if they are really being courteous or its just a social game.

For instance, my mother in law is all honey and molassis when she is talking to someone and making herself appear above the common riffraff and above some petty argument but I guarantee you that if she says "that's nice" this is NOT what she means.  There are double meanings to many of the "courteous" things people say and the South is no different (probably wrote the book, really).  So it leaves some of us who are relatively "body language blind" to guess if someone really wants to hear your story about how you almost shot your toe off when they say "Oh, how interesting.  You have to tell me all about it."  I'm almost 100% sure that is the LAST thing they want you to do and if you do, they will be looking at their friends with that sick little smile and will be thinking (but not saying) Oh, my God, I cannot believe this idiot really thought I meant that I wanted to hear about his toe.  Just wait till we get to Sunday school and we can really talk about this joker .  So, next to those games, I would rather a person just come out and say, "Sorry about the toe, can I get you another drink" and then walk off to get themselves one.  At least I know they really don't want to hear the story. 

If courtesy is a lie, I'll take rude anyday.  However, if genuine courtesy is offered without threat or social games, I will be happy to accept the compliment and even happier to return the favor. 

SWPoet



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