365 Day Journal Challenge

Day 10 - The one that got away.

Day 10  -  31 Day Journal Challenge

Everyone has a story of the one that got away. Let me hear it!!!


I’m the one who got away and thank God for that one. I was in college and idealistic as any other. I worked one summer at a rehab hospital in the nursing department and had just broken up with a guy who was on the lazy side and was not coping well with the lack of structure after graduation. Here I was at this rehab place and helping out in the gym with some paraplegics and children playing basketball (not easy in a wheelchair for an able bodied person, much less..) and here was this handsome guy who was also a paraplegic and was working out. Well, he was more athletic that the last one and I had never been one to care if someone had a disability or not so that wasn’t an automatic turn off.

Anyway, after a few months of dating, perhaps six, I started seeing the person he really was, verbally abusive, too controlled by his mother, and just possessive as he could be. Couldn’t get any space from him, he’d come to the college, camp out in my dorm b/c it was nicer than his apartment, and anytime away from him would cause him to suspect I was up to something or trying to leave him. Despite being raised by a bunch of women who, frankly, didn’t like men, and after being told by several of them that they thought I needed to get out before things got worse, I really resented that advice. I was raised around social workers and knew about domestic violence through those associations as well as some relatives I knew had gone through that. Basically, I should have known but was not wanting my mother to tell me what to do. This guy, on the other hand, didn’t want me around my family. (Clue number…I lost count).

So, one day at the birthday party for my mother and step dad in early summer, I had sort of planned the breakup (while there were witnesses and people around for safety) and only after he made a jerk of himself and then tried to get me to leave with him (in the midst of my mom's party) did I decide for sure to break up with him then and there. He started bawling and then trying to convince me they were trying to ruin us and then bargaining, and promising he could get it together and we could work things out. I told him he needed to leave. I had been so over this relationship for months and just didn’t want to break up while I was still at the dorm so I waited til Summer started to do it. Anyway, after he made a pathetic show, my stepdad walked him out to his car and told him to “be a man” (never will forget that one).

I looked behind me for weeks, and God forbid I ever saw a red head in a wheelchair, I would probably slip into a store or something. I just knew he would be nasty about it. I did have to go later and get some stuff from his apartment and took my stepdad with me. After getting it all out (he had his neighbor let me in as he couldn’t bear to see me BOO HOO) his neighbor asked me if knew what he had been up to for the past few months. I found out he had been selling illegal substances from his trunk and I had absolutely no idea. I didn’t use and he was always talking about not using either. Lord knows, he didn't have a minute away from me voluntarily (except when I was in class) so I hope I would have known if he used. (Not that you have to use to sell). All I have to say is this-Thank God I was the one to get away and he didn't ruin my live before I did.

Years later, that one experiences has done more for me in my job than any other relationship except that of my husband of 9 yrs. Because of that guy, I can almost relate to women I work with who are dealing with a domestic abuse situation. I can tell teen girls that

if a guy is possessive and way too perfect (just after an argument) or way too eager, RUN.

If he tries to get you away from your family and says bad things about them all the time or isolates you from your friends, RUN.

If he says “you are my world” and means it, RUN.

If he knocked around his past girlfriend or wife, do not believe it was just her fault, it is only a matter of time, RUN.

If he degrades you, insults you around others, is scared you will leave and shows it by upping the ante on his attention toward you and his obsession about you, RUN.


If he thinks you are cheating every time you are within ten feet of a person the gender you are interested in, and you haven’t given him reason to suspect you (ie. You aren’t coming right off of a cheating relationship of your own), RUN.

If your gut says, “I don’t think this feels right” and your heart says, “he’s had a difficult life, maybe I should give him a break” DON’T. LISTEN TO YOUR GUT. Perhaps it is a message from God or the Angels or whoever you believe in trying to tell you to get out when your ears are deaf to criticism or your heart is fearful of being alone. Many folks have rough childhoods and don’t beat, degrade, abuse, obsess over, or stalk others.


When I say run, I mean get out in a way that is safest for you and your situation. Had my guy been able bodied, I think he would have done a little more to stalk or bother me, who knows? We lived in very different neighborhoods and there were no common bonds like families living close, belonging to the same church, being married and sharing kids, any of that and he’s a bit conspicuous being red headed and in a wheelchair. But if you are around the person like in the same school, church, neighborhood, having common friends, and are able bodied, you may need to take extra precaution.

The big lesson here is that you need to be the one who got away (from an abusive relationship) or else he might be the one to get away (with murder).

So thanks to the one I got away from, I have learned so very valuable lessons. I can sympathize, empathize, support, a woman (or man) in this situation but I won’t mince words either. This is serious.

As my great grandmother used to say (and she got it from her mother), “Don’t date anyone you wouldn’t want to marry, because you might have to.”

I would like to add something to that. Don’t marry anyone you wouldn’t want raising your kids because THEY might have to. These folks don’t stop at hitting their spouses. And even if they do, the kids see that and often end up having domestic violence issues with their spouses and look at the long cycle you start.

Please, if you read this far (thank you, by the way), check out my product reviews (only 2) and look at the book called The Gift of Fear. This is a life saver for kids going to college, mothers, sisters, anyone in the dating world right now, etc.

Thanks for reading this long one. I hope it gave you some good information, even if you didn’t bargain for it in this journal entry. Oh, and, spread the word about the book. It’s terrific (they have a book on tape at some libraries too).

SWPoet



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