Julia

Chapter Twelve

Eric walked into the tavern and looked around. The wooden tables and wooden chairs were mostly empty, save only about two people who were sitting in a corner busily talking between themselves as they ate a late breakfast. The bar tender was behind the counter drying dishes and arranging them on a hidden shelf underneath. He spied Eric just as soon as he walked in and smiled broadly.

"Hello, Eric. What is going on with you my friend? You know, I really don’t see you very much. How are your friends doing?" By this he meant to inquire after the horses that Eric took such great care of. Eric was slightly surprised when the man did not ask if he was there to see Julia.

"Oh, not much. The horses are doing very well. Especially after the fire. I was really surprised to see that they came out with as little trauma as they did. But myself on the other hand, well, I am still recuperating." Eric this last with a slight chuckle, then came over and leaned against the bar. "I was just over at Ray's to pick up some supplies. I didn't realize, but there was absolutely nothing in my house!" He chuckled again to himself. "Guess being out of it did more to my sense of what is going on than I thought. I don’t remember the last time I was so out of supplies."

"Can I get you anything?" The keeper asked chuckling to himself at Eric’s state of affair. "We got breakfast going; best bacon and eggs you'll ever have." He said this last with a wink as if it were a secret to be kept between the two of them. Eric simply shook his head.

"No thanks. I just came to see Julia." The keeper looked puzzled. Eric felt just as puzzled as the other man looked. Shouldn’t he know that Julia was there?

"She ain't here Mr. Norman." the keeper answered honestly, looking at Eric in a bit of a pathetic way. Now Eric was truly shocked and the keeper noticed the look on his face. "Yeah, she hasn't been since the last time she came, back before your barn burned." Eric felt his pulse quicken and his stomach drop into his feet with such a rush it made his head spin momentarily. She would not have left completely...would she?

"You're sure?" he asked in a near whisper. He gulped and began running over all the possibilities. Maybe she was simply out on a small camping trip or something like that. Just her and Jason, out in the wild to get some peace and quiet and to have a chance to think after what had happened between them.

"Yeah I'm sure. I haven't seen her in quite a while. In fact, I was just about to ask you how she was." He paused for a moment studying Eric’s suddenly ashen face. "Is something wrong? You look mighty pale."

"No, thank you." Eric replied swallowing hard against his increasingly dry throat. He turned and began to head toward the door without even offering to say ‘goodbye,’ his pace quickening with every step he took. "Tell me if you see her!" he shouted over his shoulder almost as an after thought. Then he charged through the door and was out in the brightening morning and cool air before the bartender even had a chance to respond.

By the time Eric got to where he had left his horse, he was at a dead run. He untied the animal, leaped on its back, and kicked it hard into a full gallop back toward the ranch.

The supplies tied onto the horse's back clanked and bounced around, but Eric simply ignored them. In fact, after he first took off, he almost completely ceased to notice them. He began to wish that he had gone to the store last, that way he would not be bogged down by the extra weight. But it was too late now; there was nothing he could do unless he wanted to lose even more precious time.

As it was, he was in such a hurry, and his horse seemed to be going so slow, that he thought he could almost run faster than he could ride. The only thing that kept him from trying this was his knowledge that no matter what, nothing could outrun his horses.

Eric sped over the road, glad that no one else was out on such a blustery windy day. If they had been he very well might have run over them and not even stopped. The landscape whizzed past in a blur that he paid no attention to. The ride was taking too long! An overwhelming sensation of frustration and urgency overwhelmed him.

Where had she gone? Eric ran over all the things that had happened yesterday and the day before in his head, trying his best to figure out what had happened or where she might have gone. She had given no mention or warning of her leaving. Where might she be? Was she somewhere else in town? Did she have a friend in the mountains he didn't know about, or was she out there all alone? Was she coming back, or had he chased her off for good?

Eric began to dread the answer to these questions and yet, at the same time began to hate himself. As each one presented it's self and then left, another, more dreaded possibility came to him, and with it, came more questions as to Julia's whereabouts.

Calm down! Eric forced himself to relax. She would not just up and leave like this, he tried to reason to himself. She has to come back. She just HAD to! She will probably be back tonight, she knows I need her help with the horses.

Even though Eric was trying to make himself relax, he did not slow his horse down at all. If she did come back, he needed to be there when she arrived. And then he would do whatever was necessary to make her stay. He would not lose her again, he could not lose her!

The ranch began to come into view, and with it, came the urgency to hurry the horse faster and see if she had yet returned. Eric’s eyes watered from the wind whipping his face and he almost prayed that he would see her out in the arena, loping a mare or brushing down one of his studs. But as he drew nearer, he saw that nothing was different from when he left, other than a few horses now out grazing on what was left of the dead grass in the field.

Just then, he saw the door to the barn slam shut. His heart leapt and he almost cried out for joy. Had someone shut it from the inside? Eric's heart yet again skipped a beat and he kicked his horse harder in an effort to hasten their pace all the more. She was back, he just knew it!

Relief began to spread all over him as he came up to the edge of the barn. He dismounted before his horse had even come to a complete stop, tripping over his feet in eagerness as he did. He ran to the barn and threw open the door as he raced inside.

"Julia, Julia!" He called with joy. The only response to his cry was the soft whinnying of a couple of horses in their stalls. Puzzled, he began to search each stall to see if she was there. "Julia, where are you? I know you're in here." As he went along, the only thing he found in the stalls that were not completely empty, were the horses. Where had she gone to? He knew she had to be here, why else had the door shut?

He came to Jadeadell's stall, the horse he had given to Julia as a gift when he had discovered how attached they were to each other. He found it as empty as all the others before it. He stopped for a moment. Something about this was odd. He did not remember seeing her out in the pasture with the other horses. Dread once again filled his stomach. Suddenly and with out a shadow of a doubt, he knew Julia was gone. Now the question was, for how long?

Dejected and nearly ready to break down and cry like a woman he went over and looked where the saddles and tack were kept. Sure enough, Julia's things were missing along with some other equipment that he knew she did not own. As he stood there trying to take in the shock of her sudden absence from his life, he became filled with a sense of complete and utter loss. And then, he noticed something else was out of place.

He looked around and noticed something glistening in the pale light. Was that money? He walked over to where the coins lay in the sun and picked one up, turning it over with his fingers. Why was there money here? He looked at the rest of it, and then counted it. There was quite a sum of money here; enough here to pay for quite a bit of equipment and food. But where had it come from?

As Eric stood there, baffled, he began to realize the answer to where the mysterious money had come from. Slowly the pieces of the puzzle began to slide into place.

Julia had left and by the looks of the missing equipment, horse, and the pile of gold coins, she had no intention of returning. She had taken much of the food from the house, which explained why it seemed he was out of it so suddenly. She also had paid and taken some equipment that she knew she was going to need and did not own for herself. And if Eric knew anything about her pride, he knew that she would not have taken it without compensating him for it, even if he had tried to give it to her as a gift. It had been hard enough to get her to take the mare, so this explanation of the money and missing equipment was the only logical one.

He had done the one thing he swore he would never do; he had chased her away for good. Go after her! his mind screamed. But Eric knew that by now, she would have put too much distance between them. He would never be able to catch her. She would have left the ranch early and ridden as hard and long as she could. No, even if he left this very instant and rode until his horse dropped of exhaustion he would never catch her. It would take him days on his fastest horse, days that he did not have to spare if he was to keep up with the other animals on his ranch. Besides, he did not even know in which direction she had gone.

Dejectedly, Eric walked back into the house, not even bothering to unload the goods he had bought from the store earlier that morning. He went into Julia's room, now realizing why it seemed so strange to him earlier. He went through the drawers and closet, searching for anything she might have left, anything that might serve as a clue to her whereabouts, yet at the same time knowing that he would not find anything. He was correct; there was nothing at all in them. Everything was left exactly as she had found it when she first came to live with him even down to which bed-sheets were on the bed.

The sun was getting high overhead, but Eric did not take any notice, not even caring that there was much work to be done if he was to even attempt to catch up on the work that the had missed while he was recuperating. He simply walked out of the house and down the trail, wishing that he at least had Jason for company, but realizing once again that she had taken he dog as well. He felt totally deserted and more alone than he ever had in his whole life.

All day long Eric sat by the river wondering if she would ever come back, wishing and hoping in his heart that he would see her again. He thought numerous times about simply going after her, but each time he threw out the idea knowing that she would have put too much distance between them. There was no way he would ever catch up to her, even if he did know which way she had gone, which he didn’t.

When the sun finally went down in its cold brilliance, he got up, chilled to the bone and more tired than he had felt in a long time. He fed and watered the horses mechanically, knowing that he could not completely let them starve, unpacked his horse from the morning before, and then went to bed. As he lay there listening to the wind blow outside, he began to do something he had not done since he was a young child, something he had been fighting all day; he began to cry.

"Julia," he whispered into his pillow. "Julia, I'm sorry!"

__________

Julia was amazed at how far she had been able to travel over the past few days. She had made excellent time, pushing farther and farther. Fueled by her emotions, she had only stopped for rest and to water the horse. The nights were getting colder however, and she knew she still had a ways to go before getting out of the mountains. She knew that if she could make it to the lowlands before the winter storms took over the peaks, she would be all right. If not, her horse might freeze and then she would be trapped and would most likely freeze to death herself.

The lowlands she had heard of were often very warm, even in the winter months. They were near the Warm Ocean and the wind that came into shore off of the waves kept the land from freezing over when those in the mountains faced bitter storms, blizzards of swirling ice, and snow. If a traveler had gone into those mountains, he was not found again until spring, if he was found at all.

However, as Julia went, she did take time to look at her surroundings and do her best to enjoy them. Despite the often-bitter cold, many animals still roamed here and there gathering the last of their winter supplies that were to keep them alive in the harsh climate. The forests that ran through the mountains were lush and greener than anything she had ever seen before, with bright spots where the trees were still holding tightly onto their bright autumn foliage, despite the fact that winter was well on its way.

Julia was amazed at the brilliant gold colors, and the occasional red or orange, that lit up the sides of the peaks in glorious patches, surrounded by the green of the pines and the bare branches of trees that had already shed their magnificent coats.

The mountains were covered still at the very top by snow from numerous winters that never seemed to melt away even during the longest of summer days. Only the smallest spots still dared to show themselves, as the first winter storms had not yet blown their way through the passes and valleys, depositing their thick freezing blankets of pure white. Julia knew that it would not be long though before such storms came and the thought made her want to push even harder. She noticed cloud clusters were building thicker every day, and the temperature was dropping rapidly as well. The shrill winds that often whipped through the passes never ceased to remind her of this and helped to further speed her on her way.

She traveled on and on, not knowing how long it would take to actually get out of the mountains. She had heard once that if the weather was good, it could be done in only a couple of weeks. If not, however, the journey could take a month or more. She was not sure if either of these statements were accurate, especially for the route she was taking, but what she did know was that she wanted to be well out of the mountains before the storms came.

Timing had definitely been on her side in the case of the good whether. It was still clear and she had a very good horse to carry her along on her journey. However, she had been gone from the ranch for about a week and a half now, and not only was she beginning to wish the end would come tomorrow, but both Jason and Jadeadell were tiring out. She knew she could not blame them. She had been pushing hard, maybe even too hard, and they had both taken the brunt of it with never ending loyalty.

The road was better than quite a few of others she had traveled on before, but it could be occasionally hard to see under the growth and rocks that littered the way at times and, therefore, was often hard to navigate. It seemed that although many people she had talked to had been to the South they had either not been there recently, or they had not traveled there often. Julia did her best to remain hopeful, but as she continued to look to the horizon, all she saw were more and more peaks to climb.

Actually, she could not see much more than the peak in front of her at the present moment. She expected to reach the top of the pass she was in right now before the sun set and was eager to be able to stop and rest. She hoped that when she cleared the top, she would be able to see the last of the mountains and, therefore the end of her journey. However, as the day wore on, it appeared that she would have to journey into the night in order to reach her destination at the top of the pass.

Julia scanned the sky above her. The clouds had dispersed a bit, showing brilliant patches of blue and leaving plenty of room for the full moon that would be making an appearance. She decided that this would give her just enough light to see her way and reach the top not too long after sundown. It would be risky for her horse because of all the unseen rocks and holes in the path, but it was a risk she decided she was willing to take. She also knew that if there were any bandits, night would definitely not be a good time to meet them, even if Jason was there to protect her.

She smiled to herself, thinking of how hard she had tried to get rid of him when she had first come into contact with him. Faithful old Jason, she thought with humor.

But Julia was exhausted and wanted to get as far as she could and simply end her journey for a while. She was simply tired of running and figured that, after she topped the towering rock formation in front of her, she would only have one or two more passes to navigate before reaching the South.

Her broken heart ached almost as much as her dirty body. She knew she was running away; knew it with every inch of her being, but she just could not force herself to go back. She would not endure any more of Eric's heart wrenching words. It would not end up good in the end anyway, it never did. She had been here before and she knew the path well. One did not play with the fiery passion of love unless you wanted to get burned.

Julia finally reached a stopping point and quickly got a fire going. The night was unusually dark as the moon had gone behind a sudden impenetrable wall of clouds, and she could not see how many more peaks lie before her in the distance. She decided that, for tonight, it did not matter. She would simply get a good night's sleep and start up again in the morning.

As the fire crackled, popped, and warmed her, she decided that it would be a good thing for her to sleep in for a while the next morning and let herself and her animals get some more of their strength back. They were definitely going to need it to finish the last leg of the journey.

For the hundredth time, she ran through all the reasons for why she was leaving. Some might call them excuses, and maybe they were. As she pondered over them, she noticed that her heart was not as torn as when she had first left. This could only mean one of two things. The first was that she had left for no real reason at all, that she had not really been so in love with him, as she seemed to be getting over it easily.

The second, she thought to herself, was that this was a familiar situation to her. She had never had a home, but if ever she was going to call something "home," it had to be her endless wandering. Before she came to Eric's ranch, traveling had become almost an innate instinct to her, not just something she did every once in a while when she had the time and the money to go visit some distant relative. She did not even have relatives to visit, and if she did, she probably would have avoided them anyhow.

No, she was a wanderer, a gypsy, and for the first time since she had started her journey, she felt her instincts finally returning to her. She was gladly beginning to settle in to the same routine that she had been familiar with for most of her life. Not that she had hated the ranch, but it had been far too long since she had been on her own. That could definitely prove dangerous to a girl like her; not being self dependant. She would never settle down again, for that would make her even more venerable than before. Maybe that was why she had gotten so hurt. She should have known better than to allow herself to become to at ease in her surroundings.

For the first time Julia thought about how close she had come to becoming so softened that she would need another person to go on living; and she had been enjoying it none the less! What was I thinking!? she thought to herself with disgust.

Joy, not sorrow, flooded through her when she thought about how she was now free again; free to do just as she pleased and not be hurt by the things men said or did. But an instant later there came a twinge of regret as she thought about how nice Eric had always been to her. He had been the one male that had treated her with respect and dignity. She knew that even though she had left him, she would not forget him and his kindness toward her. No matter how much she at times may want to wish it away, she would never be able to forget him. He had left his mark on her heart.

Julia's mind continued to wander as she slowly slipped off to sleep, snuggled down in her bedding with Jason sleeping comfortably at her side. We must have nearly reached the end, she thought dreamily to herself. Tomorrow, this will all be over.

__________

Eric continued on without Julia for a few weeks, trying to keep up with his greatly expanded business on his own. However as time progressed and the man got more and more tired, he knew he had to face the facts. His ranch had grown too much with Julia’s help for him to be able to take care of it on his own, and he would go broke if he slipped back to the way things were before she came.

Eric began to put out ads for a new hired hand. All flyer said the same thing, that this person must be hard working, know how to do the job, and above all...this person must be a man. He did not want to have to take even more time out of his already busy schedule to train someone to take up the slack Julia had left behind, and he definitely did not need another woman on the premises. He told himself that if he ever got near a woman again at all, it would be the wife of a customer, or a customer herself. He was not about to let what happened with Julia happen again.

Days flew by and men finally began to come around, looking to take up the job. Eric saw each one individually, testing them to see what they could do. He would first let them work with the animals a bit, looking to find out just exactly how the animals responded to a new worker. He also spent much time scrutinizing to see how each man handled his horses. But as all the men slowly came and went, the outcome was the same.

"No, no, no!" Eric cried out in frustration to one man in particular. "You don't simply continue to force that horse to do something when it is completely refusing to! Normally if an animal won't do something, there is a good reason for it! Find out what it is, then either fix it or continue on!" Most of the men did not have to be told that Eric was not going to hire them, because most of them left before he got a chance to make up his mind or ask them to leave.

A week came and went along with dozens of men and Eric had all but given up on finding someone to help him. Men had come from far and wide and he had seen each one of them individually. Now that he thought about it, he had interviewed over 30 different men and still had not found one that suited him just right. It was not that they were bad, it was just that...well, they weren't Julia. She just had a way of doing things, a way of working not only with the horses, but also with him. They had simply been the perfect team.

As Eric sat in A Good Night's Sleep inn trying to sort out what he was going to do, the keeper came over to him.

"Hi there Mr. Norman. Why the long face? Ya’ know, I heard you were looking for a new hand. How is that coming?" When Eric just sighed a bit, the keeper nodded. "That bad, eh?"

"Yeah." was all Eric said in reply. The silence that followed was not a cheery one. After a long moment, Eric sighed again and continued. "I just don't know what to do. No one can work like she could. She just had a way, you know?" Eric did not have to explain who he was talking about.

The keeper just nodded knowingly. "She sure did." he said and then sighed. "She sure did."

"And every man that has come in has been a good man, but for some reason they all leave before I can make up my mind on whether or not they deserve a job. I am beginning to wonder if I just smell that bad, or if it is something I am doing." Eric was trying to make some light of the situation, but the small joke fell horribly flat in his own ears.

The keeper laughed, but after one look at Eric's non-humored face, he tried a little harder to keep it in. "Well, tell me what it is that happens when they come for the job, and I'll try to tell you what it is you are doing wrong."

Eric heaved yet another sigh. "Well, first we introduce ourselves, then I tell them I want them to train this horse to do that, or to work that horse a certain way, or to figure out what would be best to do with this animal. But each thing they do, it's just all wrong! It is not the way Julia would do it at all!"

"Do you tell them that they are doing it the wrong way?"

"Well, yes. Of course I do! I can't let them run amuck and go ruining my horses for me!"

"Mr. Norman," The keeper paused for a second collecting his thoughts. "Have you ever thought about what kind of men are coming to you?"

Eric looked confused. "What do you mean what kind of men?" he replied.

"Well, do they have experience, what kind of ranch did they come from before, that sort of thing."

"Most of them say they have been working with horses their whole lives." returned Eric, still unsure of where this was going.

"Exactly. And don't you think it might hurt their pride just a little bit if some man looking for a new hand tells them that they are not doing anything right?"

Eric had not really thought of it that way. But now that he sat back and looked at things from that perspective, he knew it was true though. He had been kind of rough on them all. "I guess you are right." He finally admitted. "I just want someone who can handle things the way Julia did, that is all."

"Eric, there will never, ever, be another one like her. Not now, not tomorrow, not in ten years, not even if you searched the rest of your life. Some may come close, but she was truly a one of a kind."

Eric felt a stab of pain at the thought of how he had chased her off and was never going to get her back. He knew that it was true; he just did not know what to do about it. The keeper saw the look on Eric's face and proceeded to give him some advice.

"Look Mr. Norman, here is what you need to do. The only men that are going to look to you to hire them are those who have experience. Your reputation has reached as far as your ads, and the only ones who are going to come who don't have any experience are those who are too stupid to know who you are.

"Now, if you want to know what I would do if I was in your position, I would look for the first decent man that comes looking for the job, and I would hire him on the spot. He may not know how you run things at first, but then again when you really think about it, neither did Julia. You can't just expect for someone to come and take her place and just pick up where she left off. It won't happen that way. Give the next guy a chance, if it doesn't work out, find someone new." Eric knew the keeper's advice was solid; he just did not want to let her go.

"You are right," he said as he got up and laid some money on the counter for his drink. "I think I will do that. But for now, I just need to go to bed." The keeper scooped the money up just as Eric walked out the door.

"Good night!" he called after him.