I'm afraid to say some things out loud.

Older Year, New Year...and Whales

2009. Another year has passed. I still wander how I have managed to keep any of my sanity over the past years, but here I am, still walking and talking and attempting to pretend to be a normal, functioning human being.
This last year was far from great. It was one of the worst of my life to date (which granted, hasn't been all that long) and I'm very glad it's over. Sure, it had it's good parts, but in true form, the bad things stand out. I can only hope that the year to come, and the ones following, will be better than the last.

I've met some amazing people, I've lost some friends, I've gained some family, and built friendships with those I never thought possible. I truly believe that I have become a stronger person due to the difficulties I've faced, now I just need to put it into action.

I never make resolutions for the new year. I know myself well enough to know that I will never stick to them. I never stick to anything, which I have decided is going to be my first change of the year. I'm going to make resolutions this year, and I'm going to do my darndest to stick to them. No giving up. Obviously I won't do them exactly to plan, and I may go of the track and around the bend a few times, but it can't hurt to try. I need to prove to myself that I can put my mind to something and actually complete it, because to date, I don't think I've ever finished anything that I've started.

1. I need to get healthy. It's getting ridiculous beyond relief how unhealthy I am. I'm not overweight, but I'm unfit to disastrous measures. So excersizing regularly and healthier eating are on the agenda. With this I have help and support, as my partner Mark is wanting this for himself as well. If we do it together, I truly believe we'll make some progress. Simply, less alcohol, more vegetables, less fried fatty foods and sugar rich junk food.
Definately doable.

2. I want to read more, and definately write more. I've gotten myself into a rut in the last couple of years, and although the ideas are still running through my head all day, I haven't put them onto paper. I don't even know why. Sheer laziness I believe. This one will be easy, as I love reading and writing. I'll set aside a time each day to just sit and read or write, no matter what it is. Just something to get my brain active again.

3. I need to stop being so self destructive. This one will be the hardest to accomplish, as I'm an expert in ruining every aspect of my life. There are things I want to accomplish in life, and I get on a path to do them, and then I do something stupid to throw it all away. I want to study various things. I want to get back into my wiccan studies. I want to spend more quality time with my friends and family. And I want to do it, and have FUN doing it. Not having my mind believe that it's some kind of chore, and ruining the time for everyone else. In short, I need to be happier, because honestly, I have no reason not to be happy.
I have a wonderful boyfriend, wonderful family, and wonderful friends.

4. I need to find a job and stick to it, regardless of how much I don't want to do it. I know I can't do what I want to do at the moment, but eventually I will, so I need to suck it up, earn the money and work towards what I want. No giving up. Just DO IT.

So, nothing too difficult, but putting them into practise is going to be the hard part. All this is starting today, and I hope to be able to stick to it. So far so good, but the year's only just begun.

Wish me luck. You will be updated I'm sure, as I love my venting sessions. And they inspire me to write. So I can't complain about that.



***Everything in life is temporary, because everything changes. That's why it takes great courage to love, knowing it might end anytime but having the faith it will last forever.***