Complex Numbers

What Not To Wear

While I don't have cable TV, sometimes I end up at a fashion-obsessed friend's house when the show "What Not To Wear" comes on. It annoys me more than most TV shows, but it was the first thing I thought of when I found the site I'm about to link.

In these trying economic times, lots of people become unemployed, some even through no fault of their own. When that happens, they usually polish their résumés and go looking for another job (that is, if they don't fall into the dark pit of homelessness and cheap wine). Often overlooked, though, is the cover letter. While I know that nobody reading this would have any problem writing, perhaps you have friends who would benefit.

Being an employer myself, I've seen a few résumés, and while I'm willing to forgive a few typos and misstatements - we are, after all, dealing with engineers, not copy writers - there are limits.

This site provides some examples of going WAY over those limits.

(Bonus: geeky reference in the first paragraph)

http://www.killianadvertising.com/coverletters.html

Attached to every résumé is the obligatory cover letter. Composing one, it seems, has a Difficulty Rating of 11, since that's where we find the most tortured prose ever set to paper. For example:

"I expect the position to pay commissary to that of its value, as well as to the performance completed."

...

Imagine, if you will, two roommates at Thesaurus U.:
"I aspire to obtain a beverage. The vending machine is where my path leads."
"I wish to accompany you, since I have assembled a myriad of coins."
"I possess coins, as well. Let's embark."

And I couldn't even read the whole "Twas 4 weeks after Christmas" poem. It made my teeth hurt. If I ever saw that posted on this site, it might just earn the author my very first one-star rating.

So, examples of What Not To Wear - résumé edition.