My Journal

My life lately

What has been going on in my life lately? Well, I feel like I am on the verge of greatness. I am so close to finding my calling. Something HUGE is fixing to happen to me. I can feel it in my soul.

2008 was a bad year for me. I promised myself that 2009 was going to be better. In 2008, I tried to do everything my way. In 2009, I am seeking counsel from others. Also, I am trying to focus on God more. I need divine intervention! This is the most focused I ever been in my life! I make goals now. AND more importantly, I work at them. I don't sit around and dream all the time. I try to make things happen. I make my own good luck! I don't wait for my ship to come in, I go out to it. This world-wide recession is scary. I feel like I am living in the end times. I feel like there is going to be a huge split in the world. You will either be rich or poor. There will be no more middle class. It's either one extreme or the other. AND that's why I am following God even more now. I realize that I can not do any good on my own. I am scared that Jesus' second coming will happen during my lifetime and he might say "Depart from me, I never knew you." OUCH! I do not want that to happen. That exact moment right there would probably be worse than spending an eternity in hell.

I am trying to reach my full potential. I am trying to live life to the fullest! I get mad at people who do not set goals. I get angry with people who has a God-given talent or ability and they do not use it. I get mad when I see certain people with certain skills and they are not using them. For example, my best friend would make a great entrepreneur. He has great business ideas. He is good at researching. He could easily make a dollar out of a 15 cent investment. I believe he can get a grant to start his business. BUT he works in a hot, dirty warehouse and he is satisfied with it. He will not even entertain the idea of owning a business. He could probably even get a high paying office job or be a consultant of some kind. He could even do well in school, but he denies all of these options. He is not doing anything to better himself. I ask myself, why do you even exist? You are just a waste of space!

In April 2008, I had a very clear vision. A prophecy if you will. Up until then, I have never experienced anything like that in my life. It happened while I was sleeping but it was not a dream. It was a very clear audio. It sounded like a physical human being was right in the room talking to me. It actually sounded like my own voice, like I was talking to myself. Instantly, I knew it was the voice of God. I expected God to have this big booming voice, but no, it was very subtle and very calming. He just said one sentence but it left a HUGE impact on me. He said "You will meet someone new and that person will change your life."
I still think about that one sentence on a daily basis, even to this day, which is 9 months later than the event. I asked God, "Change my life how?" My conscience told me that this person will either teach me how to be real spiritual or how to make money. Maybe even both. I see a fuzzy vision of starting a non-profit organization...a charity of some kind. I see myself as a philanthropist. Either helping homeless people or low income families. One of the things I see, is me giving money to families to help with their gas bill in the winter time. I see a person who just gaid laid off, received a $200 gas bill and is very anxious of how that is going to get paid. I see me just paying that money like it is nothing. No conversation of "Well, let me check our budget and make sure we have the funds available." or anything of that nature. It is basically, you hand me the bill and I will go down there and pay it for you. (and that policy is in place just to make sure the money does not go toward drugs or something)