The Five Strands of A Sedentary Empress

Batdance!

Explain to me how a child who is afraid to watch the Backyardigans when they have sharks or bears in whichever episode, is aching to sit next to me when I'm watching Ghosthunters or anything involving serial killers. She calls it 'grown up scary stuff', and apparently she's all about it. I don't understand it.

She's interesting, I'll say that. Nothing like standing in a grocery store with an impossibly long line and having your four-year-old yelling out 'Look mom, at that magazine there! That's Barack Obama! Let's buy it for daddy, that's his guy!'. Which brought the puzzled laughter from the other shoppers who must have been wondering how the kid knows this. I bet you millions of dollars she doesn't know who our current Prime Minister is. So, I laughed lightly and said 'Noooo, we live in Canada, so he's not really daddy's guy. Also, daddy doesn't need a magazine about Barack Obama, he knows all about him.'

So, tonight, we're waiting until we hear rhythmic snoring from beyond her door so that we can watch 'The Dark Knight'. Let me just say that I've no real interest in this film, but M. has been itching to see it. I remember when the first one came out a zillion years ago, how Prince did a song for the film and it was the anthem of that teenaged summer (to my bitter disappointment), but I didn't stand in line to see it then, and only slightly remember it when it came out on video (yes, video!). I don't care that one of the actors in this one accidentally killed himself. I have never been a big Heath Ledger fan, and I don't really get how dying young suddenly makes you a genius, but it's possible I'm missing something. Of course, I don't know anyone who didn't think the film was at least good, so I'm going to watch it with complete objectivity. Unless of course I can't stop thinking about how I'd have rather seen 'VickyCristinaBarcelona' instead. Penelope Cruz is growing on me.

I made myself go to the information seminar at the employment centre today. This is significant because I've been thinking about it for weeks and I finally forced myself to go. I was oddly pleased with myself for doing so, despite the beginnings of an anxiety attack which I successfully staved off through willpower. I kept telling myself that I was doing something for me, which is sort of not the way I typically think. This is a good thing for me, a positive thing, and what bad is there in that? Nevermind that lecherous fellow named Pete who purposely sat next to me and leered through the entire session (I will think of him fondly as Creepy Pete), or the fact that some very greasy looking people with multiple piercings showed up and only half-listened. This might be an actual step forward. I have an appointment with a counsellor in February. I am hopeful and optimistic. For once.

Fueled by my newfound courage, I did something kind of major: I went to visit my old workplace. I have not set foot in the place for a year and a half, out of pride and bitterness, but today it seemed like a good idea. I walked through the door and came upon two of my former co-workers, both managers. There was an open-mouthed whoop and then there were two arms around me, crushing me a little. This was S., a giggly, sweet woman who somehow found herself managing the entire store. Next was R., my favourite, sarcastic, angry gay who still wears his hair in a tiny mohawk and denim with frays in the cuff. I was released and I announced dramatically, the standoff is officially over, because it is.

They told me how much they miss me, and oddly enough, I know they meant it. T, my other favourite gay, came from the backroom and told me in his broken English that he wanted to 'you know, hang out sometime? We could, you know, hang out?'. So, we made plans for the four of us, and maybe more, to meet for coffee next week. I am glad about this.

I didn't know until I entered that place how much a part of my life it was. It's like no time has passed, and I still found myself commenting on the strengths and weaknesses of the new line, product placement and the standards of the place. S. just grinned the whole time, which put me at ease. No awkwardness, no grudges, just a wholehearted happiness that I was standing there, handing out my opinion. I told them that I now realize that what happened to me (as in, the layoff), was just a sign of times to come. I still think there was a bit of a personal issue in it (as in, the former manager was a lazy, useless woman and I often hinted that I thought so), but it forced me to think about what would make me happy in the long run, and if I'd stayed I'd still be stuck. One gets to an age in their life in which they don't want to be 'stuck' anymore. I'm there.

The mom from the wee one's class has not answered my email, and I have decided not to get too worked up over it. A million things could explain it, but if it's as simple as 'She's just not that into you', then maybe it's okay. It's possible I wouldn't be into her either. I think that if the friendship vibe is strong enough, it all comes together eventually. In the meantime I have a coffee date next week and this officially means I have a social life. Imagine that.

I watched half of 'All About Eve' in bed last night on the portable dvd player, and I'm aching to see the other half. It is just the best. Davis had the greatest way of flattening an audience with dialogue. I want to watch it, but I am going to watch Batman.

There's a big difference, I'll have you know.