Pearls of Wisdom and Foolish Mutterings

YOU ARE NOW ENTERING THE TWILIGHT ZONE

For the last two nights, I have taken Tylenol PM to help me sleep. Holy crap! Apparently it's been so long since I took any that I completely forgot the TOTALLY FREAKING BIZARRE dreams it causes me to have. My dream factory was on overdrive and I woke up this morning with the following thought in my head: Where the heck did that come from?

Dream A: I was traveling the world visiting shopping malls in different countries - but only countries with a history of violence, like car-bombings and such. My companion was a recently widowed woman (her husband died in a bombing at the first mall I visited in my dream -  he was incredibly good-looking, BTW.) Evidently, this new friend of mine was able to put aside her grief in order to accompany me on my round-the-world shopping excursion. We weren't able to get any shopping done, though, because bombs kept exploding at each mall we went to.(I hate when that happens.) She and I spent most of our time running away from explosive devices cleverly disguised as large green Rubbermaid containers, sound systems and, last but not least, plain black boxes. My friend and I were able to recognize the bombs at each mall, although we were apparently the only mall-goers with that ability. She was very trendy and had great shoes.

Dream B: I was in New York (minus my mall-hopping friend) working at the American Embassy. Yes, I know there is no need for an American Embassy on American soil. Don't shoot the messenger. I'm just telling you what I dreamed. Now, back to my dream--as I said, I was working at the American Embassy in New York. Three women came to see me--an incredibly old Russian woman by the name of Anna, who only spoke Russian, and her two daughters. They were looking for the Russian embassy, which I wasn't familiar with. My boss called while I was talking to the Russian women, who I off-handedly mentioned to him, referring to Anna by name. He started speaking in a quiet voice and told me that I had two choices: one--send the women on their way and forget I ever saw them; or two--warn them the Russian authorities were looking for Anna and risk raising the ire of said Russian authorities. While I was debating what to do, the women walked out on to the street where they were immediately apprehended by a brigade of goose-stepping Russian soldiers (am I mixing up my cultures here or did the Russian army march in goose-step fashion like the German army did? Whatever.) bearing guns with bayonets and lead by a man wearing a Papal robe and a Beaver-fur hat straight out of Dr. Zhivago. The Dr. Zhivago/Pope guy arrested Anna (the old woman--try to keep up, okay?) and proceeded to beat the living crap out of her, while her daughters stood by smiling smugly. Then, a woman walked up and slapped the daylights out of her and told her not to ever step foot on Cuban soil. WTF?

Dream C: Still in New York, in this dream, I was on vacation there. I was staying at an old hotel run by a big, tough, leathery old guy with a heart of gold. Guess who was one of his permanent tenants? That's right - Anna, the ancient Russian woman, who had recovered from her beating by Dr. Zhivago/Pope guy, but still had the beating-induced limping gait. There were a lot of mice in the hotel, but Ancient Russian Woman's kitchen was immaculate and I wondered how she kept the mice out of her apartment. I was about to cook dinner in her kitchen, but  couldn't find the pans I needed, so I decided not to cook. Next, I discovered that this hotel was the setting for a popular reality show with a really catchy name that I wish I could remember. Just before I woke up, I had purchased a $20 camera to take pictures with, only to discover that my cheap camera had a video feature and I had unwittingly filmed my entire time there. I was a little worried about Anna appearing on film and I felt stupid because I hadn't realized my camera had a video feature.

Then I woke up. I just laid there in my bed for a few minutes with a WTF look on my face. Then I came to my senses and got out of bed as fast as I could, before another dream could overtake me!

GOOD MORNING, AMERICA!

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