The Five Strands of A Sedentary Empress

Seven Card Spread

I won FTL. Really? What's this? A bit of chocolate in a world of gruel. Or something like that.

I woke up in a horrendous mood, but at least it makes for somewhat good poetry. I have an idea for one, which I'll try to do later because right now I'm not able to focus, not with all the noise in my head. I have decided that I am a bit depressed, completely independent from my anxiety issues, and I think I've good reason for it. I've noticed that I'm sleeping too much, becoming somewhat distant from the live people in my life and that I can't even taste food properly. I am constantly feeling guilty for not having an income, and while I am actively trying to find something, it's not enough. So, what I do is sleep, or, in the last few days, play tetris (thanks, Shannon). I can't even get into reading because it feels like such an indulgence (yeah, like video games aren't), and I am hating Valentine's Day and all of its commercialism, and I hate fashion and it's constantly undulating waves of change, and I hate people who say things like 'I have to have that' knowing that they will and can. I hate my Facebook friend who was one number off of winning millions in the lottery, but who decided to broadcast the thousands she won instead. I am snappish and hard to please. Last night, completely out of the blue, M. decided to go buy some parmesan cheese at the grocery store because I am sort of unable to buy as many groceries as I used to, and he came back with bag upon bag of foodstuffs, like a thinner, taller, blonder version of Santa. Now, I should have been over the moon, but in the bags were things like extra pulpy orange juice, carbonated water, rice chips, applesauce, one box of cereal (Cap'n Crunch, but we eat loads of cereal and I like Multigrain Cheerios), four bags of caramel corn and on and on and on. No chicken. No fruits and vegetables. Mostly things that he likes, things he needs to be happy, and while he did get me some croissants (which I appreciate, a lot), most of the groceries were things I can't do much with in terms of cooking a meal. So, I love him for trying, and am annoyed that he didn't think about the big picture.

I went to the computer class yesterday and it went fine. It's a little weird, going to an adult class in a high school which is still in session with belligerent, spitting, cursing, unwashed teenagers. They're basically dismissive of the 'old' people walking through their halls, and have the decency not to laugh at us as we trudge up the stairs, winded and red-faced. The woman I know in the class, Anna, can't attend everyday as she has no one to look after her son when he's not in school (he's in the wee one's class), so today, I'll be alone, but that's okay. I didn't learn anything new yesterday, but at least we get a diploma at the end of this which will prove we know about Excel and Word and other things which are part of the twenty-first century job criteria.

You can do anything!

I've heard that so many times before, from so many different kinds of people, and I used to believe them. I really did.

My skin is dry and I've noticed that the white hair at my temples seems to be multiplying. I don't think it's posh.

Let's try a little seven card spread, shall we? As in, tarot cards.

Will there be any positive changes in my life?

First card-The Garden-Very positive:a place to meet a friend, or a business/office. It is essentially a place where people meet and come together.

Hmmm...school?

Second card-The Mountain-Foreign affairs, or something important and big, possibly an obstacle to climb over.

Ha ha ha.

Third-The Tower-A powerful card. Long life, or something from the past, someone older. An occult card which can mean protection from a hidden power, or something which is destined. Bestows a good, long life to the person it is next to. There is a sense that fate will direct the person in the reading.

No idea.

Fourth-The Heart-obviously indicates love. Suggests good omens in personal life, and in a seven card spread, it means that love is an important issue and likely to turn out quite well. Next to a moon, this card means the relationship is still unfolding beautifully.

I have been worried about M. and I lately, to be honest, mostly because of my withdrawn attitude and general lack of humour. I always wonder if he'll tire of me and go. This is slightly reassuring.

Fifth-The Moon-A card of beauty and luck. Forecasts new ideas and invitations. Tells of growing good fortune and influences the other cards around it in a positive way.

Sixth-The Book-The card of the unknown! This book is unread, so it suggests that knowledge about any given situation must now be researched, as certain facts have not yet come to light. Can mean the industry of writing and publishing itself. Book and Fish together means money earned through books. It is a bright card, but suggests that events are still to be disclosed. Patience!

Seventh-The Fish-A fortune, money and sometimes, dreams card. Simply put: money! Represents sound finances and a happy monetary element. This is a card of activity and business.

Okay, this was not a bad spread, and frankly, it hit on everything which has been worrying me this past while. Coincidence? I have no idea. I do them only occasionally, in fact, yesterday was the first time in two years I actually used them, and it hinted at a proposal, which I find hilarious. I have predicted babies for friends who were desperately trying, who later had their babies, and also marriage troubles and outcomes. The last time I did them was on New Year's Eve, 2006 with my friend V. My cards alluded to a two-faced woman who was going to try to 'ruin' me. Later than year, my two-faced boss laid me off, and I have to say that I immediately thought of the cards when it happened. So, I choose to believe in the good of this spread, you see. I need to. It is giving me a reason to get dressed, to go to class, to find joy in M's pulpy orange juice which I don't drink.

Hmm...