On My Happy Cloud

Good Things

You know you've found someone amazing when they make you realize you deserve good things. When they don't even know that's what they're doing.

I have to be honest. Because of the insecurity I've always lived with, I have extremely low expectations of people. I always expect people to let me down somehow. I have hope that I let bubble to the surface but never let it get into a full blown boil. I guess in that regard, I could never be completely happy and most times I will let down and dissapoint people before they can do it to me. It's a defensive play. I'm always playing my game on the defense.

I admitted to Bobby that I have these low expectations. That I always hope for things but talk myself out of them and yet....he continues to surprise me. Everyday.

He woke me up this morning with breakfast in bed. Toast, some kind of fantastic egg-scramble creation of his, and coffee. Oh hellz yeah. Breakfast in bed? Seriously?

I do admit I hate Valentine's day but I have to hate it, you have to understand. I never have really gotten anything nice from a guy and if I have it's because he felt obligated to do it. What a waste. A few weeks before Valentine's day I told him that I hate the holiday and I don't want anything. Really? Yeah, a test. He isn't getting you anything. Just like years before you will hope and you will get let down. Again, I'm surprised. I was at his mom's waiting for him to get off work when I fell asleep on the couch. He woke me with a red bag with a rose, chocolates and a card. A card? I got a card? Amazing. More amazing than the rose and yes, even the chocolates.

We went out Sunday night. This was the night that changed a lot of things between us. I was drinking. He has no idea of the low tolerence I have and I probably should have admitted it first off. I drank quite a bit and got drunk. Alcohol is my truth serum (so wanting to use a Harry Potter reference here but can't think of what it's called. Jamie?) I grabbed him by the face and said " I need to know you are falling for me." He tensed up only slightly before replying with "I am falling for you and it scares the shit out of me. Just please...don't fuck me over." On the way up the victorian staircase to my apartment later that night he stopped me and put my face in his hands and looked at me. "I'm crazy about you and I am falling for you."

Unreal.

There is more about that night but I really don't have much time to write about it right now. I'm just insanely high right now. No, not on pot. Just high. lol.

I will write more later.

Much love and happiness

Elaine Bradley