Pearls of Wisdom and Foolish Mutterings

This One's for you, Party

My buddy partyof5 and I have had a running conversation lately. I've been sending him all the "Texanisms" I can come up with concerning folks of a certain ilk. (Excuse me for a moment while I go off on a tagent... Don't you just love that word ilk? If you've been paying attention - otherwise known as 'hanging on my every word', you'll have noticed that I've become fond of using that word lately. It's a great word. Become friends with it. Buddy up to it. You'll be glad you did. But I digress.)

Now back to the subject at hand:"Texanisms" describing folk of a certain ilk. I've sent Party such jewels as:

He's three bricks short of a load.
Her bread's not baked in the middle.
He's about a half-bubble off plumb.
And the one that started it all: His cheese done slipped off the cracker.

You'll surely be happy to know that after extensive research - and when I say "extensive research, I mean I stumbled upon a book called Redneck Words of Wisdom in a gift store in Austin yesterday, for which I paid the paltry sum of $12.95 + tax - I have discovered additional colloquialisms to impart to y'all.

Now, I know there may be those of you out there in other Southern states who would like to lay claim to some of these colorful sayings. But, to you I say, NAY. What I am about to relate to you will be known as "Texanisms." Here are my reasons, which I am sure you will find to be of great merit.

1. This is my blog.
2. I bought the book..
3. Because I said so.

Any questions? No? I didn't think so. Let's proceed, shall we?

In the "Folks of a Certain Ilk" category:
She's a taco short of a combination plate.
He's a few fries short of a Happy Meal.
She's a few sandwiches short of a picnic.


Now, for my own personal favorites. These are all straight from my grandparents' mouths, so they aren't just Texanisms, they're Panhandle Texanisms!

You'd better shut your mouth or I'll slap you into the middle of next week.
She'll talk your head off and then holler own the hole.
Don't make me whup you like a red-headed stepchild.
You lie like a cheap rug.
Don't let your alligator mouth get ahead of your hummingbird ass.
I guess she told you how the cow ate the cabbage!

Well, that was fun. Now, I think I'll make like a baby and head out.