Pearls of Wisdom and Foolish Mutterings

Enough Already

For whatever reason, I have been extremely sensitive lately. I’m not sure why – maybe it’s just another ugly tentacle of that monster menopause. Whatever the cause, it’s not fun being me right now. I’m hoping this won’t last long – whatever this is. I’ve tried to stay upbeat, concentrate on the positive, all the stuff I know to do when a dark cloud descends on me. I even paid a visit to my doctor today to discuss it with him.

My ‘fake it till you make it’ approach is wearing rather thin, and I’ve faked it until I’m ready to throw in the towel. Or maybe just take the towel and cry into it. Tears stand poised to gush from my eyes at the slightest provocation. Maybe that’s what I need – just to let the tears flow. Enough with the stiff upper lip, already. For some reason, I find myself looking for a reason to justify the tears; and refusing to let the tears flow unless I have that reason. Seriously, what kind of bullshit is that, anyway?

Maybe I’ll just give myself permission to have a good old pity party – just get it all out of my system. I’m sick of pasting this stupid grin on my face when what I’d really like to be doing is huddling in my bed, under the covers, crying for no reason at all. Oh, I’m sure that somewhere deep in my psyche there is a reason, but I’m sick of all this navel-gazing too. Maybe I’ll do something revolutionary and give myself permission to laugh when I want to laugh, cry when I feel like crying and not even think about offering any kind of explanation for either the laughter or the tears.