On My Happy Cloud

Does Anyone Ever REALLY Listen to Me??

(WDC girls excluded...)

Do you ever remember being told "there's a difference between hearing and listening"? You know, what they teach you about proper communication in your high school english class? Well turns out there is a difference but damn it, am I the only one who gets that?

I have flippin' been cursed to be a listener. Do you know what that means? I listen. I don't talk. I just shut the flip up.

Ok, the real problem is 1.) I'm in a terribly shitty mood today and 2.) NO ONE EVER LISTENS TO ME!!!

If I'm rambling on about something stupid...fine, whatever you don't need to listen. I may even be rambling about something that means something to me but if you feel it's stupid then go about your business and ignore me and most likely I will shut up realizing that I'm simply talking to myself but god damn it if I'm talking about something meaningful, can you just flippin' look at me and let me have some clue you are listening?

You have to know, I think Bobby is perfect in every way but he is like every guy I've ever known in the way that he talks, expects me to listen and then when I talk either gets distracted with something else or turns the conversation around to be something about him or interrupts me with a joke. AAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!

Seriously, I'm a pushover in my nature. This happens to me all the time with everyone I know and it always has my whole life but right now I'm getting SO DAMN SICK OF IT!

Actually, it makes me wonder if I'm just that fucking boring.

*sigh*

What the hell? I can't tell you how frustrating this is. How frustrating it is to be talking and have one of the three above mentioned things happen to me. I'm talking about something to him and I look up in the middle of what I'm saying to see him looking at his computer smiling. "What are you smiling about?" I ask calmly hiding the rage that is boiling up in me (oh, hell I'm a red head...I've got a temper, whatever...) "hmm?" He asks pulling himself from whatever he's looking at. "I'm talking to you" I say giving him a shit-filled grin. "I was listening." HA! "Noooo, you said 'hmm?' when I asked what you were smiling at."

I'm getting fed up with this but then again...I guess that's what fucking journals are for....pardon the language but I'm pissed right now.

Much love,

Elaine Bradley