Pearls of Wisdom and Foolish Mutterings

News of the Bizarre

A woman in Haltom City, Texas (Dallas area, I believe) called 911 from a restaurant to report that she didn't get enough shrimp in her shrimp fried rice. She was quoted as saying, "what has to happen to get a police officer up here?" Excuse me, but can I just say:

ARE YOU FREAKIN' KIDDING ME? HOW MANY KINDS OF STUPID DO YOU HAVE TO BE TO CALL 911 OVER SHRIMP FRIED RICE?

Unfortunately, when the police arrived, the woman was gone. That's a shame, because if you're stupid enough to call 911 for something like that, you darn well need to go to jail.

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And in other ridiculous news.... A Saudi man has divorced his wife by sending her a text message. He followed up his text to her with phone calls to two relatives stating his intent to divorce his wife. A court in Jeddah has finalized the split. Saudi Arabia practices a strict form of Islamic Sharia law. Under the law, a man can divorce his wife by repeating the phrase "I divorce you" three times. Evidently, a text message counts.

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Unfortunately, our next story comes to us from Texas again. (Fellow Texans, don't shoot the messenger, please.) The Oakwood, Texas Chief of Police has been fired and jailed for using a taser gun on his wife. IDIOT. No other details are available.

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I'm sorry, but this one is just too funny to leave out. Again, from Texas... Five men from Houston were sharing a Waco motel room on Tuesday night. (Wait, it gets weirder.) Two of the men were eating in the room and one of them apparently needed some Beano in the worst way. His flatulence so angered one of the other men that the man threw a large knife at the gassy man, cutting his leg. I guess the leg cut didn't prove his point (pun intended) well enough, so he then stabbed him in the chest. I can hear the conversation now:

Knife guy: Stop farting , man, or I swear I'm throwing this big-ass knife at you.

Gassy guy: PPPPlllllllttttthhhhhhh!!!!! Pppppplllllttt---Owwwww! Whadja do that for?

Knife guy: I told you to stop farting man. It stinks in here! If you do it again, I'm stabbing you in the chest.

Gassy guy: Whatever. Ppppppllllltttthhhh, Pppppllll---------

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All of these stories are real live news stories that actually happened. Which is proof positive of two things:

1. Truth really is stranger than fiction.

2. Life is hard when you're stupid.