Out of the Ashes...

Headlines...

I have to agree with Tor’s entry today - it seems even normally educational television/films are getting more into fairy tale types of doom and gloom. Heck, even today, the media outlets seem to sensationalize the “what if...” scenarios of a global pandemic AND THEN when something strange along those lines crops up they feed the public panic.

The films/shows grab good ratings. And people buy more papers or access websites more often during these “we’re all gonna die” times. Guess what? We ARE all gonna die. Duh! Deal with it...

Guess what else? There are nearly 7 BILLION people on this planet. Freaking out when under 200 have died (again, WORLD wide) is just illogical. This new flu thing could kill as many as 1000 (give or take) and it’s still not really much to be upset about. Well, okay - unless YOU or someone you know kicked off. Okay then, fine. But most of us won’t even contract the thing...and even if we do, we’ll be fine (eventually). You’d do far better worrying about getting into your automobile than about this thing. Better yet, worry more about what wars are coming. Trust me, cars and wars kill far more a hell of a lot quicker. More devastatingly, too.

Still, people are scared...soooooo...in an effort to lighten said foolish fears, I’m gonna poke fun at the news today. I’ll try to stick withthe headline followed by one of my short smart-aleck quips.

Please bear in mind that I did read these stories and know darn well what’s behind them. I will remind SOME of you that this is humor NOT based on the facts - and that there is a point. *rolls eyes*

Here we go...

SWINE FLU HITS 40 IN THE US - Forty confirmed cases, eh? Let’s see... 350+ million (legal or not), zero deaths so far, and FORTY are ill. Let me know when that number reaches 20,000.

WHAT KILLED PONTIAC? - Another native tribal leader? Oh, wait - they mean the car brand. Oops... Um, General Motors did? NEXT!

LAPTOPS HELP SICK KIDS STAY CONNECTED - I have a cold, so I;m sick. I’;m typing on a laptop, you are reading this, so we’re connected. Unless I fail to pay the bill, we’ll stay that way. Why do I not have a headline too??

PLUNGE INTO THE GALAXY’S MONSTER BLACK HOLE - No thanks. But may I refer you to my ex?

MEMBERS OF CONGRESS ARRESTED IN DC - About f’ing time! Take a wild guess who will pay for the bail...

NEWS HELICOPTER FINDS SWOOPING TORNADO - Did anyone inform the pilot that chasing storms with an aircraft is just not all that wise? Betcha he gets a raise, though...so to speak.

ALL SCHOOLS CLOSED IN MEXICO - And this makes a difference...how?

HISTORIAN GIVES OBAMA AN ‘INCOMPLETE’ - Incomplete what? Term? Geez...

FASHION-FORWARD FIRST LADY HITS ALL THE HIGH NOTES - Honestly, I’d much rather she wear jeans and maybe some short-shorts. Maybe a tilted ball cap and dang it! Show that ink, baby!

WHAT I LEARNED ABOUT MY HUSBAND IN BED - Um...TMI

SWINE FLU COULD SPREAD GLOBALLY - *laughs* Pssssst. Hey, CNN! It already has...

SHIP’S COOK SEIZED BY PIRATES FILES SUIT - Would that be in a US court or Somalia?

MISSING TOTS RANSACK NEIGHBORS HOUSE - Wouldn’t that be against the Homeowner’s Association Guidelines? How long will those tots spend in jail? HANG ‘EM!

SWINE FLU MASK SEARCH IN MEXICO - Masks MIGHT help a little, but mainly it’s human interaction. So...grab an internet connection and forget others exist for awhile. You’ll be fine!

IS THE WORLD’S MOST INFLUENTIAL PERSON MOOT? - No, I’m perfectly viable. Thanks for wondering, though.

That should do it for now. I am no longer bored and need to go fold laundry. See ya!