The Five Strands of A Sedentary Empress

Ran off with the rummer

This is not the first time I've taken a survey from Mood's journal, but I think it's the only I've taken that she's written while imbibing tequila. For the record, she doesn't read drunk at all. When I've had two glasses of wine, my fingers stop working and I find everything I write hilarious. If she hadn't mentioned the tequila, I'd have never known.

Moving on...

1. Do you do drugs? Do you want to?

I've never even smoked pot. The closest I've come to any kind of drug experience was the narcotic drip I was on while in labour, and let me tell you, I would never want to go the baby delivery route without it. I do understand the curiosity about drugs, though, and have often wondered what it's like to feel completely mellow or happy, but I suppose I've seen too much in the experiences of others to really let me consider trying. My best friend's brother's schizoaffective disorder was triggered by his drug use in college and now he's basically housebound, completely dependent on their parents and he's forty-years-old. The whole situation had a huge impact on the people in our circle, mostly because we all knew him when he was 'normal', and all it took was one bad night, a little too much of whatever he was abusing, and he ended up in the hospital, never recovering to his former self. That, plus other bad experiences with friends (too lengthy for a questionnaire) keeps the wondering to a minimum.

2.Do you believe in a god/gods?

I believe something is behind all of this. Like every single other person on the planet, I don't have any definite confirmation as to what or who, nor do I have any concrete evidence that there's nothing at all, but I feel like there's more to this life than just living and dying, and I tend to think of it as an energy.

3.Have you ever used an online dating service?

No, but I know people who have and they've all had good things to say about it, with the exception of V. who, after three months of email correspondence, met her match in a coffee shop and discovered that not only was his profile picture about twenty years old, but he also had some sort of mobility issue which made it difficult for him to walk or speak clearly. He probably should have mentioned that to her beforehand, but she was the one who felt the most ashamed because of her instant break of connection, and she forced herself to spend the entire day with him. It ended right away, and she still feels guilty about her reaction. My feeling is that he knew exactly what he was doing and that he was the one who should have been ashamed for not being honest.

4.Do you smoke? Do you want to?

No.

5.Are you afraid of clowns or any other carnival creatures?

No, but my best friend is terrified of clowns, to the point that she almost bursts into tears when there's one around, and I've never understood it.

6.Do you like watching random stuff burn?

In a very detached sort of way, like when there is a fire in the fireplace, I tend to stare at it and lose my train of thought, just drifting around in my head, until the flames recede and all that is left is smouldering embers. Then, I feel a bizarre need to stoke it, to add another log of wood, just to get the blaze back. I don't know why.

7.Are you a virgin?

Pfft.

8.If not, how many people have you laid? If yes, do you want to stay a virgin?
I hate the expression 'laid'. It sounds disrespectful. I also hate 'making love', because there's a definite 'ick factor' involved there. I pretty much hate every expression associated with the act of having sex except for 'having sex'. I guess I'm a literal sort of person. Oh, and two.

9.Do you consider yourself to hold a certain amount of intelligence?

I do alright.

10.Do you consider yourself to be any hotter than some of your friends?

Weird question. This is tough because everyone's definition of 'hot' is completely subjective. One of my friends is what some might call hot because she likes slightly revealing clothes and she does the tattoo, streaked hair, pierced belly button thing. That said, some people find that trashy. My other friend is the sort who favours a bohemian look, with long, naturally curly hair and a face which doesn't require makeup. My other close friend likes the country girl look, always wears jeans and t-shirt, has a very simple hairstyle and she doesn't even wear earrings. Then, me, the one who has the long, layered hair, won't leave the house without makeup and who often is wearing black with assorted jewellery and the occasional scarf. Put us in a trashy bar, the first friend gets the guys. In the same setting, I'd probably be runner-up. This is the only environment in which the term 'hot' might be appropriate.

11.Have you ever had a crush on someone of the same sex?
Not really. If I find a woman to be mesmerizing for some reason, it's more likely because I wish I looked like her.

12.What's the worst gift you've ever gotten for Christmas?
A snowmobile helmet, a fishing pole, a book about cursewords, a mirror with Shakespearean quotes all over it, a training bra...

13.Do you like to brag?
I like to feel proud of myself, and if I have something to be proud of, I definitely want people to know, so, yes, to some degree. Usually only to a few close friends or family.

14.Do you have a problem with gay people?
Nope.

15.Have you answered truthfully to every question?
Yup.

16.If yes, do you intend to keep going with the honesty now?
I see no reason to lie. We don't know one another, not really.

18.What did you dress up as last Halloween?
I didn't. I gave out candy and sat on the couch watching Ghosthunters while eating loads of miniature Oh Henry bars.

19.Do you have a nice ass--your personal opinion?

M. loves it, says it's 'perfect', but I kind of think it might look nicer if it were smaller.

20.Do you let your mom decide what you wear?

I'm a grownup.

21.What's your curfew/bedtime?

It varies, but I seldom fall asleep before midnight. Again, I'm a grownup and I'll be skipping the next question.

23.What's the craziest dream you've ever had?
I had a sexual dream about my best friend's husband once. It really freaked me out because he's fairly loathsome in reality, and I started to analyze myself, wondering if I was harbouring some sort of subconscious attraction. Still don't know, but I have to say in the dream, he was pretty good.

24.Do you talk to your parents about your sex life?

I am not really into watching my parent's heads explode, plus, as I've already stated, I'm a grownup.

25.Do you...like...do you have one at all?
A sex life, I assume. It's not as good as it used to be, and for the last year, due to my coming off the pill, it has been much less than I would like. I'm of the opinion that this is a problem, but his feeling is that because he always has urges for me, that things are just great. I suppose that he means that the want is there, and because of the birth control issue, the fact that we're always tired or what have you, and the fact that he's over fifty, I shouldn't be concerned about our lack of sex. I disagree, and I think I'll be bringing it up again soon.

26.I hope so for you. I want good things for you.

Yeah, thanks for bringing it up. I was in a good mood until just now.

27.What brand is your favorite pair of shoes?

I really don't care about the brand as long as the shoes are fashionable and practical all at once. You get older, your priorities change.

28. How do you want to die?

Old, in my sleep, in my own comfortable bed, unexpectedly. No illnesses, not tragedies, please.

29.Where do you see yourself in twenty years?

Hopefully happy, with a career I love, still with M. except officially married, planning trips to take to places we haven't been yet. The house should be paid off, the wee one will be graduating from university, we'll be content.

30.Do you like your privacy?

I'm really, really open about myself, but when I want privacy, I mean it.

31.If you do. Why the hell are you taking this survey?

I was bored, and I'm not feeling especially shy today.

32.According to you, what's your biggest flaw?

I am easily harnessed by fear.

33. Are you superficial?

Not really?

34.Have you ever had a celebrity crush? If yes, who?

First major one, as in ridiculously intense, was John Taylor from Duran Duran. Took years for that to go away. Since him...I appreciate Johnny Depp, George Clooney and a handful of other male actors, but I wouldn't categorize them as 'crushes'. I guess I'm beyond that kind of thing now, and most stick to developing crushes on 'real' people which is far more dangerous, yet satisfying.

35.Do you like to dance like no one's watching?

I hardly ever do, anymore, but there are some occasions when I break my inner freak out.

36. Do you consider yourself to be a computer geek?

I don't need a computer to qualify.

37.Do you watch soap operas?

No.

40. So...ever been naked in front of your secret crush?

How would that work, exactly? I mean, to be naked in front of someone implies the crush has kind of been exposed, no? Unless it's your gynecologist. Anyway, the only people I've been naked in front of have had some idea I was into them.

41.Do you have many friends?

I tend to keep my circle small, but I'm always looking for people I have things in common with.

42.Do you like Superman?

I'm not really into comic book heroes. I haven't even seen Spiderman. I did like The Crow, though.

43.Tell me about someone you definitely don't like?

Most of the people I don't like, by definition, don't have much to do with my immediate life. I can't really be bothered going into the reasons why. Suffice it to say, I'm pretty much over schoolyard politics.