Food Relevance from a Drunken Cook

"The nobility of a true hero! - Act 1, Scene 1."

The set up is a small cooking demo in one of the malls here in Saskatoon. This is an annual event and it is usually executed by a member of the local CCFCC. The chef we'll call Uncle Chef and he is one of the most intense but funny chefs I have ever met. He is very opinionated and goes on rants every time I’m around him, although I’m not sure of his seriousness throughout these attacks of the tongue but I always find them humorous regardless of the topic. I really get a kick out of Uncle Chef and he never ceases to amaze me no matter the situation.

         So I get to the mall a few hours before we are to begin our demo as one of the promoting stores is finishing our equipment set up. As I show up to the site I see uncle chef and his partner in crime unloading a flat deck cart of all the groceries. As I approach, the two welcome me and proceed into the drunken debauchery tales of the previous night. Always intrigued I listen contently and begin to help setting up.
         The day is planed to be a short two hour demo promoting a realization of no recipe style meal designing. Between the three of us we are going to teach students as well as customers how to freestyle in the kitchen.  The 4-5 students from the local trade school are set to arrive within the hour and our demo or showcase will begin shortly after that.
         The whole time we are getting the Mise en Place I was totally enthralled by the stories Uncle Chef and his partner in crime were telling me. Their night previous was a complete commitment to the practices of the religion of drunken debauchery. True pioneers of the belief that drugs, sex and food is the only life style worth living. Legends among men these two have proven to be time and time again.
         So the demo was proving to be a success having no less than 40-50 onlookers at all times with an endless supply of passers by who we all know will wait anywhere up to an hour if the possibility of free food is apparent. The students were completely dumbfounded now that the dill and cream cheese were used up and there creative enthusiasm has been cut off due to a lack of anything to cook with, right? Uncle Chef is committed to a rant at the crowed, something about butter being healthy as long as you don’t consume a pound a day. So the Partner in crime and I decide to go take a break for a quick smoke.
         As we come back in and approach the stage we can here uncle chef’s voice over the speakers but only the students are cooking. As we near the production the crowed looks on and we here Uncle Chef’s voice a little more clearly.
         “Oh yeah, we got fuck’en trashed man. The funniest thing, there was this dirty little chick hanging around being a tool and we were just laughing at her, fuck this broad was just fucking dumb, you know, just fucking dumb. I mean she just wouldn’t take a hint man, we were just trashing her and it was so fucking funny.”
         Uncle Chef’s partner in crime approaches behind the stage to see Uncle Chef deep in conversation with a friend passing by.
         “Uncle, your mikes still on!” The crowd who quite possibly was interested in the story being told by the legendary Chef only herd a surprised “Oh Shit!” to be cut off quite abruptly followed by an elongated silence watching a bunch of students pout about not being able to use cream cheese or dill any more.
         Amazing! Absolutely, unbelievably fucking amazing! A true pioneer in the prasti… wait, the Art of drunken debauchery, because with a situation breaking into uncharted territory and using the caliber he did in that moment of true excellence it from that moment on can only be considered an art form for sure.

Uncle Chef you are a hero among men and I vow to you, here and now if I may, if the opportunity arouse, I would follow you to the death without a moment of hesitation. I would be happy to take a bullet for you in the heat of battle; I would consider it an honor to protect the legacy witch is Uncle Chef.