Out of the Ashes...

Da Kid's Future

Oh...my.

Got some bad news recently. REALLY bad. The smokes I buy are going up in price. More to the point, they’re no longer doing the two-for-one stuff I’ve enjoyed for the past two or so years. I was paying $21/carton - it will now be $35. Screw that. So, I have to quit. Even if I could afford the price increase, I wouldn’t just out of principle. Smokes are just not worth that much. Sucks, man, because I really do enjoy the nasty habit.

*sigh*

Couple weeks ago, I had my kid over. As usual, we were prepping for a movie or two. I like his summers off. It means we do NOT have to spend our time together doing mainly (or only) his homework and reading. For the next couple months, we can veg out and junk up. Yeah man!!

Well, anyway, before picking him up, I had a chat with his mother. Apparently, he used a scary part of one of the films we watched to say he was scared to go to bed. The odd part was, that film was watched OVER two moths prior. I don’t care how imaginative someone is, they just don’t spend that long being scared of 30 seconds of frame. Barb’s a kindly sort and thinks no ill of our son. So, I had to explain that he was using that so he could stay up later...get his way when he wants it. I used a few examples as “proof.” Was it actually his bedtime? Yep. Does he only do that when it’s time for bed? Uh-huh... Was he acting slightly different prior to that (indicating that he was indeed thinking of whatever scares him)? NOPE! Bingo.

So I advised that she just turn to him right then and there...tell him to hit the rack. She did, and HE did. No more problems that night. I refused to speak with him that night because that would have given him something he wanted - thus validating his excuse and invalidating his mother’s authority. Barb didn’t quite understand that. But it worked.

The very next day, I picked him up. Just before watching another movie (Jurassic park, in fact) I had a short talk with him. Okay, it was more of a YER BUSTED revelation. I said, “This is a good film, but the dinosaurs can leave you a bit freaked. People are eaten and the Tyrannosaurus is scary enough to give ME shudders. However, little one, I know you can handle it.”

I went on to let him know that his mother and I are on to him. Not much scares him, especially in films we allow him to see. I let him know that even if the film DOES scare him, since he’s used fear as an excuse (cried wolf) too many times, we won’t believe him. Thus, if he really is scared...since we will no longer believe him...he’ll just have to deal with it. He knew I was serious, and I could tell from his expression that he knew he’d been caught.

We watched the film. And a few other since that had questionable parts. We’ve had ZERO problems since that talk.

During that conversation with Barb, I also pointed out that fear will never go away. We all have scary thoughts and sometimes wake up from such dreams. Cam cannot be protected from them. He has to learn how to deal with it anyway. So, hey! Tell the tyke to man up and call on ya if there’s something real to fear (such as a nuke war, tornado, robbers in the house, crazed wolves or coyotes in the yard, military activity (friendly or not), black helicopters, and so on. Until then...deal. And he has.

Obviously, I will not be pushing it by showing him films like The Omen or any given slasher pic.

Late in the school year, he was also nailed about something else - AT school. He kept telling Barb that no one likes him and he keeps getting picked on. He’s a small boy, even for his age, but I saw no evidence of that during the times I’d visited his class. Granted, I didn’t do that much this past year and things that can change on a dime. So, I checked it out with a simple visit. What I saw was the exact opposite. I reported that to Barb, of course. Still, he persisted int hat bunk, so she went in to ask the ones in authority.

Cam’s teacher last year was a gentle kind of man. In my opinion, not tough enough for my kid. Cam needs serious supervision in order to keep his head straight...until he learns it’s best to do that himself. Cutting breaks for late homework is NOT something I like to hear. Screw that. Hammer the kid, will ya? However, the teacher’s aide IS a tough bird. Oh, yeah. She allows no BS from the kids. When she speaks, they obey - no questions asked. So, Barb went to HER. Soon as the question was asked about Cam’s story, the woman turned and shouted out “CAMERON!!” Busted again.

Manipulative, isn’t he? Yeah, well, that’s kid fer ya, eh? Give an inch, they take 100 miles. Period. Trouble is, Cam’s MY son. He has a natural charm, and used improperly that turns into manipulation of others. It ALWAYS starts at home, too. Not that he learned it there, he gets practice there. No longer, though. It helps that I, his step father and his maternal grandmother are on to him and can help Barb along in seeing that her boy just ain’t the angel she wants to think he is. *snicker* Nope! In that, he’s a lot like me.

Although I must say, it’s a cool thing to be able to hear a few things, know what’s happening, and outing the little crud on the spot. The “how does he KNOW this?” look is classic. Yeah. That’s one of the fun parts to parenting. Him being like me in many key ways allows me to put my rather questionable past to dang good use.

*MWA-HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA*

What does grab me a bit is that Barb and I were together for 16 years, married 15. How can she NOT see this? Geez! Maybe it’s a mother thing, I dunno. But that’s okay. She can be that way all she likes, since there are at least THREE of us around her and Cam who are in the know. He’s her angel, but we know he has a definite little boy devilish side. This is why rearing children is naturally a TEAM effort (whether or not the parents are together). And just because we are a nice big team keeping his arse in line as best we can, he’s already WAY better off than I ever was at the same age.

I must give Barb’s husband, Donnell, credit for all this, however. Barb is not the greatest at communication. After all, I missed a LOT of school functions, because she simply didn’t tell me. Not on purpose... She simply forgets. Always has been that way - always has driven me batty. This coming year, I’ll just have the school send me the same dang notices they send to her.

Cam really is pretty well-adjusted. His school report card was A’s and B’s all but one grading period. That’s when he had a C, and we cannot tolerate that. It was math. He always whined he couldn’t do it. I countered with “no, it’s because you don’t want to. It’s hard. Nothing worth doing is easy. If it’s hard, do it.” He rose to the challenge and accordingly raised his grade. He has the same promise that I once had with school, but he also has the same problem with laziness. If it’s hard, quit. I did that because in a single parent household with no others present or made available to teach such lessons, I was allowed to give up. He was proud of getting A’s and B’s. Of course, I recognized the achievement. However, I coupled that, gently, with “you can do better, and now you know it. I want all A’s next year, okay?”

I also consistently tell him that school is his JOB. He may not like it, and he may think he can live by just getting by with just enough to pass to the next level. But since he has the capability we will not allow that. Sometimes, he gets so frustrated he cries. These times are KEY. As much as I feel the pull to do so, I do not coddle him. I usually get tougher, but then hold a mini-celebration when he finally “gets it.”

Subtraction was something that vexed him to no end. From doing it with him, I understood why. Apparently, the kids today (at least in our school system) are NOT being taught the way I was. I learned to do subtraction from left to right. THEY learn from right to left. Honestly, that makes no sense. No wonder he was having a hard time. I taught him the way I was taught...and BOOM! He started getting it. I also taught him something the teacher seemingly forgot - how to check his solutions (for subtraction) using addition. Do it backwards, in short, and if the addition answer matches the number from which is being subtracted, it’s correct. He does this now by HAND. No calculators. As a result, he ended up raising the math grade by one level in short order - and mostly on his own.

As such, he’s now mandated to do better this coming school year.

Gee. I can’t wait until he starts into the multiplication and division. *rolls eyes*

During registration, Barb and I have kind of agreed to request the toughest teacher for 3rd grade. There is one who’s great, so for him we want her. No more easy going instructors for this tyke...at least until he’s able to compensate on his own for that lack of classroom discipline. A’s don’t come easy, but since he’s under mandate this coming year we’d best do our part.

One thing we know: never trust any school system (private or public) to ensure a child’s academic success. You see, the fact is they just don’t care that much. They can’t. That’s OUR job. His future is in no one else's hands...