Food Relevance from a Drunken Cook

Headline – What the f@#$ is that! End quote

Ahh! Waskesiu… In my life so far I think some of my wildest, funniest and most memorable days were spent out there, drinking, fucking and cooking in ways bordering on religious. I still talk to most of the people I met out there and for the most part I have very few regrets regardless of the life style I had. I got it all out of my system early and think it helped me to become who I am both personally and professionally. Also for the better part of five seasons I was haply working for, in my own opinion, one of the best chefs in this province. He taught me quite a bit about the short order world and it was his demand for perfection that helped me obtain the strict Mise en Place style I live by now.
         When I think back to those days everything seems blurry and I struggle to remember exact details of the most memorable moments of comic relief I experienced, I assure you though, my readers, that it will come back the more I think about it and there were more than a bunch of times I was crippled by laughter. One that I remember and tell a lot may not be so funny to some but I laughed out loud for a long, long time after this one.
         I think it was my third or forth season and the chef had hired a lot of new cooks that year. One in particular was a really nice and funny gut that loved getting smashed on a daily basis so he fit in well. Although he was liked by quite a few people I got to say he wasn’t the smartest guy around. The chef had a wrath to be reckoned with and I was fortunate enough to never really experience it directly but I did how ever witness it first hand many, many times. It usually surfaced in the lack of common sense involved with basic jobs, like if someone did something really stupid, like they didn’t think about it he would definitely let you know in his own professional way.
         So this guy that became known to us as bubbles, for his resemblance to one of the trailer park boys, was working down the hill and I was working up the hill. We were both on night shifts but he was a cook and I was prep. I remember that was the year I learned all about the emulsification process and was really intrigued by it but I became completely annoyed by the dam Caesar salad dressing, it took so freaking long to make and I had to stand there, hunched over the mixer, slowly trickling the oil into the mixing vinegar and egg. I hated it thoroughly, believe me. 
         Well one day I had just finished the dressing and was cleaning up when chef came storming through the back door muttering to him self and with out saying a word, took my fresh pail of dressing and left me standing there, just like that. I needed that dressing! Not knowing what was going on and creeping closer to the rush I began scrambling to begin a new batch and thinking what the fuck the whole time.
         Anyways, after all was said and done, the end of my shift came around so I decided to go down the hill and inquire about why I had to make two dressings that night. When I got down chef was having a smoke out back and clearly he was passed the moment and having a friendly way about him I asked what had happened.
         He said that bubbles had made some Caesar dressing using the ancient recipe, when he couldn’t find the red wine vinegar he decided to use plane red wine. Chef didn’t notice until he was calling on line in the beginnings of the rush when bubbles put up a couple of purple Caesar salads. Chef clearly didn’t like the purple Caesar salads so he raced up the hill and stole mine. Very classy move bubbles, not bad at all. Purple Caesar salad!
         Oh man! You wouldn’t believe what we put that guy through that night when we were all getting pissed up at the bar. I can only hope after the razing we gave him and what I can only imagine chef gave him he will hopefully never make that mistake again.
         Alright bubbles, I’ll give you 6.5 points for originality.