On My Happy Cloud

It's Been 34 Days.....

That's too long.

But we have the internet going again now. There is a billion and one things I would like to say on here but I really will need more time.

First of all, money is a problem. Money. Or the LACK of money, I should say. I just simply do not make enough money to pay my bills and live comfortably at the same time. I kind of wonder if my supervisors and head honchos at the hospital look at the pay they give us and think to themselves "how can anyone live on their own with the pay we give them?" Good things I don't have any kids....what a depressing life that would be for all involved....

My car's brakes are going out. My brother-in-law is going to be kind and fix them for me today. I'm borrowing my mom's car, bless her. I had to take it to work yesterday because I was to stressed to drive mine the 30 miles. It's literally metal on metal....grinding and hot. Scary. Like my life....metal on metal, grinding and hot. Heh heh. I'm so damn clever.....

Anyway. Of course when I took mom's car my dad decides to cut his leg with a chainsaw...lucky dad, the chainsaw was turned off. Still needed 7 stitches though....and mom didn't have her car. ha haha, Mom wasn't mad at me or anything. She just thought it was ironic....yeah, of course. She's getting pulled under my dark rain cloud with me. Stay away from me, everything I touch turns to shit. I'm like a gross form of Midas. I'm a shit Midas.....

Luckily, I'm blessed with my family. I called my mom couple of nights ago. "I overdrew again and I don't know if I'm going to have any money left over when I get paid (fucking car insurance automatic withdraw shit...) She said to call her back later. I didn't. I felt embarrassed for calling her in the first place. She texted me later and told me to stop by after work...she had food for me. Her and my sister gave me a bunch of food. I feel stupid now for even saying it...but really it made my night.

And then my car happened. It's just been one thing after another this week and I've been relying on my mom for everything. She put a phone on her family plan for me and told me to pay her 10 bucks a month for it. Now she tells me it's on hold because she knows I'm having a lot of trouble. And then she lets me borrow her car for two days until mine gets fixed.

I hope things go up from here. I'm falling and falling and just waiting to hit the floor so that one day I can wake up, look at the ceiling and know that I can only go up from there....

Bobby has an interview in Bloomington today at an art studio. I'm really excited for him. I think he's excited too. Him having a job will make things easier for both of us.

I'm hoping to stop in downtown Bloomington (one of my favorite places on earth, even if I don't spend much of my time there) and get some coffee and go to the library and browse.

Don't tell anybody this secret: I used to live in Bloomington with Ryan and now I live in a different county. My license still has Bloomington on it. I signed up for a library card in Monroe county (where B-Town is) and used Ryan's address to get it. Heh heh. I'm a filthy cheat. But now at least I have access to a good library.....

Which reminds me. I found out that there's a good chance Ryan's wife is cheating on him. Honestly, that's not a surprise knowing her personality. I wonder what he thinks about how that feels.......

Much love and happiness friends. It's good to be back.

Elaine Bradley