.:Dreams and Swords:.

I Do? : A Look At Marriage & Pregnancy

         Marriage and Pregnancy - a modern the chicken or the egg conundrum.

         More often then not these days pregnancy is a big factor in why many get married. While the notion seems noble, I often wonder if the action is more a way to erase guilt than to be honorable. I've heard all the arguments - the child should have a mother and a father, the child should carry his father's last name, its the right thing to do - there are parts of it I don't understand. While I somewhat agree with the first two arguments, the last one has me questioning - is it the right thing to do? Being a committed couple for all the wrong reasons not only damages the relationship between the two people involves, but it also damages the premise behind commitment for a child in the first place.

         Why can't a child bear the surname of his father and have two parents without getting married? I mean, if the couple wasn't ready to marry each other before the arrival of their child, why in the world would they decide to do it after? It seems to me the few benefits of a married couple on a governmental or legal sense are often overshadowed by the problems that it brings once done.

         One of the biggest obstacles is the decision to marry with a pregnancy in the works is the reason of commitment itself. The more I talk with friends about their marriages after such instances the number one worry they have is whether the father of their child married them out of devotion or because they were expecting. That simple idea can kill a relationship, hanging over the heads of a couple like a black cloud, because no matter what is said there is little that can dissuade the fear.

         My own stance, however naive it may be, is that people are better off being secure within their relationship by not being married and together than marrying for parenthood's sake. If two people will be more committed together by just being together without the paperwork than by all means. What is a better example for the youngsters - a happy couple together for the right reasons or a bitter couple together for all the wrong ones?

         Ultimately, people should chose for themselves what's best for them. Pressure from family or society, while not always easy to ignore, should be the last thing on the list of concerns for people considering a matrimonial union. Not only does it make you nuts, it has little to do with what should be a one-in-a-lifetime deal if you can help it.

         So there ya go, my two cents. While I know I will get some flack for this position I figure it is better to get it off my mind than spouting it to some stranger on the street. Feel free to tell me what you think. :)