My Bipolar Life

Dreadful Memories

Today has been a difficult day for me and it is only noon. I have been up since 1:30 a.m. and I am guessing that I am in manic mode again. My house is spotless... you could eat out of my toilets. I have tried reading a book, but I cannot sit still long enough to get engrossed. I have a book that I am supposed to have read by Tuesday (a week from today). It is a great book, "Three Cups of Tea" but it seems when I have time to read I cannot sit still and when I don't have time, I can focus. Such is my life.

I guess I have too much idle time on my hands today, because all I can think about is my being molested when I was a little girl. All that keeps echoing in my head is "Kiss it here on the end it will make it stop hurting". God only knows what has given me the strength over the years to keep from murdering that man. I often wonder if my illness is just a born illness or if it the side effects of years of melestation by two different uncles. I have given up trying to figure out why but my mother decided not to prosecute the bastards when she found out about it. Even when I have been hospitalized due to my illness and the memories of the abuse she refuses to visit. She has not been a mother to me since she was told, which to me means that she chose her brothers over me. My therapist asked if they were abused as children, and to my knowledge they weren't, but why else would they all stick together like that?

HORRIBLE DAY AND MEMORIES PLEASE COME TO AN END !!