Pearls of Wisdom and Foolish Mutterings

SECRETS

And so it was that the little girl called Kimberly found herself living a life entirely different from the one she had grown accustomed to during the first three years of her existence. Where there had been peace, there was now tension; where there had been security, there was now fear; and where there had been love, there was now anger. She wanted to go back to the farm, to her Gommy and Bert. She knew not to ask for that, though, because the child-woman kept saying to her, “Do you like living here with your new brother? Mommy and Daddy are so happy you are here with us.”

At least she did get to play with the baby boy whenever she wanted and that made her happy. Since her new mommy liked to sleep a lot, Kimberly learned quickly about taking care of her brother. After a while, she stopped wishing she could go back to Gommy and Bert, because if she did, who would take care of the baby boy?  Kimberly liked to push her brother in his walker; it always made him laugh. She would push him faster and faster, screeching around the corner into the hall as he squealed louder and louder. When she reached the end of the hall, she always turned around and went back the way she had come. Even when she was tired, she didn’t quit, because when she did, the baby boy would start to cry. Then the child-woman (“I know you can say mommy, you say Gommy, that’s practically the same. Say ‘mommy’, Kimberly, say it.”) would come out of her room and ask her what she did to make the baby cry. She was smart; she knew it was her job to make the baby happy.

One day she had the idea to push her brother very fast in his walker and then let go. Her legs were tired, that was all; she didn’t know he would crash into the corner of the wall. When she ran to him, he had blood on his forehead and coming out of his mouth. She tried to pick him up, but he was too heavy for her, so she pushed him in his walker into her mommy’s room. That was the day she learned the best way to wake up her mommy. She tried shaking her and begging and pleading with her to wake up. Her mommy just kept sleeping. When Kimberly looked at the baby, he was crying even harder and now the blood was all over his face and on his fists as he banged them on the tray of the walker. She was so scared; she didn’t know what to do. She just stood beside her mommy and leaned over her to stare at her eyes, hoping she would wake up. She was thinking to herself, “Wake up, wake up, wake up,” when, suddenly, her mommy’s eyes popped open wide and she jumped like she was scared.  Then her mommy heard the baby and saw the blood and she flew out of the bed. Kimberly followed her mommy into the bathroom and watched her clean the blood from the baby’s face. Her mommy kept asking her, “What did you do, what did you do?” Kimberly didn’t want to tell her that she pushed the walker and let go. Finally, the baby quit crying and her mommy stopped asking.

Later, she heard her mommy telling her daddy that she had pushed the baby into the wall. It scared her when her daddy looked mean at her, but then her mommy put her hand on his arm and said, “It was an accident.”

“Where were you?” 

"Oh, I was in the other room for a minute,” her mommy said, “they were playing, weren’t you, honey?” Kimberly nodded her head. She was smart; she had already learned that secrets were very important in her new family. 



…to be continued…