Twilight: One Foot in Front of the Other

The Smell of Fear Filled the Room

Standing in the middle of the polished wood floor was a tall slender man, gray hair, and the deepest brown eyes, decked out in top hat and suite tails the picture of a true gentlemen. The music was soft, and the beat slow, he reaches out taking a slender white hand, with jeweled covered fingers, “come my dear let us dance”. A medium height slightly graying brunette dressed in a black evening gown, and six inch hills smiles shyly and enters his embarrass following his lead to the soft music, “you dance divinely my dear” Flashes of lightning flicker in though the windows, as a cold breeze gently ruffles the curtains, filling the small room with the fresh scent of rain. Forty years of marriage and they still danced every year on their anniversary. He had taught dance all his adult life, but he never loved it more than when he held her in his arms. Slowly they twirled, and shuffled, flash of light, a gust of wind, lights gone out, flash of light, her tender smile, flash of light, her face wet, flash of light, her face a twist of terror, flash of light, her eyes void of life, her body now limp in his arms, her scream still lingered in the air, no not hers, his “Anna my dear, no!!!!!” blood splatter his suite, hands, and face, her blood. Flash of light, two strangers stood laughing, eyes cold and black, enjoying his pain. Rage as he never had known before filled his soul, a leap, and a jump and his grandfather’s sword cane was in his hands. Another jump, a stabbing pain, blackness….





Shan woke with a start, soaked in sweat, heart racing, breathing rapid, another nightmare, and just two hours into her sleep. Always a nightmare, always only hours after lying down, never waking peacefully. Holding her head in her hands, she concentrates on slowing her breathing.





“Is she okay?” asks Emmet looking towards Shan’s room where the sound of her heart not only had begun to race but also grow much louder, she was speaking but much to muffled to understand, the sound of bed sheets told of her tossing and turning. “Shouldn’t you check on her?”





“Nightmare, she has than every night,” sighs Kate “We’ve tried talking to her about them, but she is just not ready”





“Every night? You’re kidding right?” Emmet’s concern was obvious in his tone





“Hopefully it was not too bad, we could use a fourth” replies Tanya looking at yet another crappy hand. “Not to mention having to hear Eleazar huff about it the whole time she is gone”





“Is that why she disappears, because of nightmares?” inquires Emmet





“Yea, the bad ones any ways. It is your bet Emmet.” Tanya was watching him curiously thinking, A little curious about our girl aren’t we?





“Earlier in town she said that she was a mixed blood. Where is she from” ask Emmet while placing his bet on the table





“We don’t know, like I said she does not talk, just too soon I guess. She has only been with us a short time,” answers Kate calling the bets on the table.





The water was cool; it felt so good on her sweat-covered face. Looking up at the mirror a strange familiarity came over her. She knew that slender man, she had seen those rage filled eyes, except when she seen them they were no longer brown, they were cold black. He no longer carried his gentlemen like neither actions nor his tender way of touching a lady. He was cruel, hard, and cold. Rubbing her neck she remembered him all to well, as well as the pain that followed their meeting. Three days of excruciating pain, always three days. Though her breathing and heart were back to normal, well normal for her any ways, she found herself trembling. ""It is really over, but will I ever get past the dreams? How many will I remember, how many were there? And why remember him? Why remember his memory? He did not seem to remember, or was it that he just did not care any more. Me head hurts. Why can’t I just have peaceful sleep, or not need sleep like the others? And that stupid tune urge get out of me head already. All this fuss over dancing. ""





“Shanndalynn? Are you okay? Came the sweet gentle almost song like voice, from the doorway, Carmen was standing there watching her stare at her self in the mirror trembling. ""She looks as if she is seeing another world and not her self in the mirror. A frightening world. What did they do too you, and how can we help you?"" Carmen wanted so much to hug her, but she knew that would only add to Shanndalynn’s pain.





“I be fine now, just another dream” sighs Shan splashing more cold water on her face trying to force out the last of the memories.





“Well come along then, the others are playing cards and hoping for a fourth.” Carmen’s smile was so warm, but her eyes were full of concern. She can’t keep going like this.





“Deal me in. Who is winning?” Asks Shan softly as she sits down to join the game.





“Kate as usually.” Replied Tanya dealing out the cards





“I think she’s cheating” winks Emmet looking at Shan. She had her long blonde hair up in its usual ponytail, a t-shirt and jeans on. But it was her manner that made him watch her, she moved so gracefully.





“I never cheat, that is you remember?” grins Kate watching him





“Who me; never” smiles Emmet looking now at his cards





“Yea right” chimes in Tanya





The hours seem to pass rather quickly as they played, Shan said very little, placing her bets, listening to them laugh and banter, she was amazed at how well they got along. It was obvious that they had been friends for a long time. It was hard to comprehend the differences, as her thoughts began to drift, ""if cold bloods had the ability to be kind, family orientated creators, than why were there so few that did? Why waste such long lives wonder alone, being a monster? You would think that more would use the gift of immortally to help improve lives, instead of destroy them. Why is it that so many writher they be cold or warm blood, choose to let foolish pride make them so evil.""





Shan jumped at the sound of Emmet throwing down his cards “that is it for me, I’m not going to have any money left for” trailed off Emmet looking at Shan confused “I’m sorry Shanndalynn, didn’t mean to startle you”





“O that be okay, it was me fault, I wasn’t paying attention” She was smiling weakly at him, embarrassed that she had jumped.





“You think too much,” comments Tanya shaking her head. “Maybe if you thought less you wouldn’t be so stressed all the time”





“Who said I be thinking!” hissed Shan face turning red





“Well weren’t you?” snapped Tanya “You been sitting there sulking every since you had that dream”





“Tanya! How rude. Shan wait! Now look what you did?” growls Kate as Shan heads outside slamming the door behind her.





“What? She is always so stressed, dang Kate you and Carmen cuddle her too much,” growled Tanya throwing her cards across the table in aggravation.





“Better than you and Eleazar always pushing her” Replies Kate still growling her self.





Emmet looked from Tanya to Kate in amazement, before following Shan out the door, ""Wow talk about your over reactions, why is everyone so touchy about her. Eleazar being over protective, Carmen all motherly, Kate her defender, and Tanya is so impatient with her. No wonder she runs off, it is the only way to breath around here. They all seem to be pulling her in different directions.""





The flower covered field behind the house blended into the cool dense woods. Here peaceful sounds of life always rustled in the air. From birds singing soft melodies, to frogs crocking, even the squirrels scampering though the leaves gave this place a comfort, it lent peace, to any that would listen. As Shan followed the old worn path though the dense trees it worked its way down to a creek. She let that peace flow over her, and once again her thoughts began to drift. ""Do you know that there is a place so peaceful, so beautiful that one can do nothing but stop and stare at all the wonder? It is full of brilliant colors, magnificent music, and glories scenery. Where the sky is so blue and the snow capped mountains glistens in the sunlight almost as much as we do. I want you to go to this place and see it for your self."" He was sitting in the floor, leaning up against the wall staring at her though the bars. His eyes sparkled as he spoke, and he smiled even chuckling at times. He missed this place that he was painting in her mind, this place she now walks though and finds herself stopping so she can take in the vast beauty of it all. ""Tell me than why leave such a wonderful and peaceful place, if it is indeed as you say. You always speak of such” wonderful places” as you call them but yet here you be in a dirty cell next to me. I think you have confused dream with reality."" O how she wished now that she could take her spiteful words back. She missed him, hard to believe that at one time she had wished him died. He had grown on her, his incisive talking, and whistling. Running her hand in the cool creek sitting there on the bolder, she could see his face so clearly, hear his voice so musical, like Carmen’s’ when she is trying to comfort her. Both so kind, warm, I bet not many would think warm of a cold blood smiles Shan, watching the swirls in the water beneath her fingers. ""The world has good in it, some times you have to look for it, but it is there. You must find yourself; take back who you are, than you will begin to live. Life is what we make of it, look at me, I was like them after I was turned, it has taking me many years to find my self again. You can too. You can live again! ""





“Hay!” smiles Emmet sitting on a bolder next to hers.





“Hi” softly smiles Shan, still watching the swirls, “I needed some air”





“Yea, it was getting a little snippy in there” raising his eyebrows a bit shaking his head





“Urge! They tell me you have to deal with it stop blocking everything out, than when you do stop and consider things your thinking too much!” throwing her arms up in the air in frustration “I am not them, I can’t do things their way, why can’t they understand that? I don’t expect them to think or do things me way!” Than she sighed, and looked back into the creek, trying so hard to swallow the anger she spoke with her thick Irish slur, “Sorry don’t mean to brother you with me own problems.”





“What where you thinking, if you don’t mind me asking?” asks Emmet while skipping rocks.





“Just different stuff,” mutters Shan





“I wrestle killer bears for you, and you still don’t trust me. Boy you’re a tough one.” Teases Emmet with his boyish grin





“Urge, will you ever let that go?” smiles Shan rolling her eyes





“Nope, told you for life” replies Emmet





“I was thinking how different all of you are, and wondering why there are not more like you” She was looking into the water again, as she spoke.





“We have chosen a hard path, it’s not easy. Convincing your self that you’re better than everyone else is the easy way out, unfortunately most think it is the only way out” He was studying her as he answered “May I ask you a question?”





“No” shaking her head





“No? Seriously?” surprised by her answer





“It has been my experience that when someone asks to ask you a question, it is not one you wish to answer” sighs Shan





“True, but I am going to ask any ways” laughs Emmet than becomes serious again “what was your nightmare.”





“See not something I wish to tell” replied Shan





“It might help if you talked about it” suggested Emmet





“Please it is hard to explain, I would righter not” keeping her eyes low





“Okay, but if you ever need someone to talk to, I am a good listener” smiles Emmet “You said that you’re a mixed blood,





Who was your father?”





“I.e. I be a mixed blood, but I don’t know who me parents are, I remember very little about me past.” Her eyes seemed lost as she answered; as if she was some place else “It’s complicated, but me adopted father was Zedekiah”





“It seems lots of things are complicated for you. He is a warm blood?” Asks Emmet still watching her





“No, he was a cold blood like you” her voice was solemn and soft as she spoke





“Was? Sorry did not realize. We should head back Esme and the others will be arriving soon,” smiled Emmet standing up and offering to help her up





“Thank you, for listening I mean” smiles Shan letting Emmet pull her to her feet. Neither spoke as they followed the path back to the house. The quite was nice, though it did not last.





“There you two are,” smiles Carmen as they walk though the door, “Look who is here, Esme, Jasper, Edward, Bella, Nessi, and Alice this is Shanndalynn”





“Hi, it is nice to meet you,” smiles Shan





“Alice! No wait,” begins Carmen but is too late to stop her “she doesn’t like to be touched” trailed off Carmen





“It is wonderful to meet you,” Greets Alice as she gives her a huge hug





“You too” stammers Shan staring at Carmen’s smiling face with big eyes,





“Wow your really warm and squishy” smiles Alice stepping back looking at her





“Squishy? I am quite tone thank you very much,” retorts Shan indignantly





“Alice!” exclaims Esme with shock on her face





“What she is!” defends Alice smiling, “hug her”





“Please don’t” smiles and laughs Shan realizing that Alice meant nothing by her reply





“Why are we hugging Shanndalynn?” Asks Eleazar as he and Carlisle came in.





“We’re not, smiles Shan backing away from everyone and rolling her eyes





“O man and I was next in line” teases Emmet as he winks at her





“Funny” smirks Shan





“I am Carlisle, how about I just shake your hand” he greeted with a warm smile that quickly began to fade “something wrong?”





Shan stood frozen, wide eyed, heart racing, all blood brained from her face, as the smell of fear filled the room.





“Shanndalynn!” Eleazar was by her side in a flash “What is it, talk to me!” worry flooded his heart, if he did not get her talking she would run again, to who knows where for who knows how long. He hated it, not knowing where she went, it was torcher to him. “Shanndalynn look at me!” growling he grabbed her by both arms and shook her





“No! Let Go!” she yelled struggling to free her self





“Shanndalynn” came Carmen’s musical voice so soft and caring “Carlisle is family, he won’t harm you. Please Eleazar let her go” placing her hand on his shoulder





Shan locked eyes with Eleazar and began to shake; her eyes full of fear, anger, and confusion “he smells like a lab” her voice so quite that only he and Carmen could hear her.





“Carlisle please could you go out side, I’ll explain in a moment” requests Eleazar over his shoulder and easing up his grip on Shan





“Of course” replied Carlisle taking Esmes hand on his way out “Perhaps we all should give them a moment”





“Now what is her problem?” growled Tanya coming in the door than racing to her side when she realized the fear in Shan’s eyes





“She will be fine, just give her a moment” Carmen answered still musically speaking so as to calm Shan





“Why?” Stammered Shan, still locked on Eleazar





“Do you trust me?” Asked Eleazar with caution, afraid that the answer would be no





She only shook her head yes at him





“He will not harm you, I promise you that. He is a doctor.” Eleazar had let go of her and was watching, waiting, fearing that this would make her run.





“Doctor? You never said he was a doctor” panic screamed to her, run, run now while you can, but another part of her whispered musically “you can trust them my daughter, you must trust them” Eleazar’s eyes so full of fear, full of love, made her listen to the whisper. “He smells like a lab” she whispered again lowering her eyes





“I am sorry; I should have talked to you. This is my fault.” Eleazar spoke gently, watching his daughter fight to make her stand made him proud, but ashamed at the same time. Carmen was right he was not seeing the changes in her. He was not giving her enough credit or time.





“Your fault?” he had never apologized before, Shan was unsure what or how to deal with that, he always yelled. She always yelled and some how they reached common ground.





“Yes, it was unfair not to warn you, that he was a doctor. I figured that by the time you realized he was you would already trust him. You smelling him was unexpected.” Explained Eleazar shaking his head





“The smell… it… brings” began Shan trying to explain





“Smell we understand.” Smiles Carmen “It affects us in many different ways”





“Carlisle, must be so offended, I didn’t mean to offend your friend,” tears spilled over her checks in a rush as she looks at Eleazar, “I am so sorry.”





“I will explain it will be fine. He will have many questions for you though.” Smiles Eleazar as he slowly places a gently hand on her arm





“Urge, Questions. But the smell?” moans Shan but does manage a small smile and slowly places her hand over his.