Caught Between Heaven And Hell

The Fallback - Maria

I actually got to talk to her. I felt more comfortable and I was able to talk. It gave me a feeling of self-satisfaction. Although I was back in that place, living this horrible life with no family at all. All my family had been killed. I had no one. This place had taken everything away  and out of me, but the feeling right now. The feeling that I have one friend.
I stood in roll call, feeling horribly weak. I begun to feel light in the head and swayed to the left, then begun circling. The guard screamed at me; I couldn’t stop from falling I shut my eyes and didn’t feel anything. My eyes opened to a guard kicking me repetitively. He was bashing my head. Then I somehow managed the strength to rise. He walked away and I managed the strength to stay standing.
I ate the breakfast and then started to do work. I was digging again. I was still feeling very faint and wheezy. But even worse then usual. Then I lined up in the lunch line. They poured a small amount of drink into my mess-tin. Then I walked out. One of the guards stood in front of me and proceeded to push the tin up so the cold liquid fell on my clothes. Then walked on. Some of the soup landed in the snow, but I was too weak to care.
I sat behind the ruble as I heard gun shots I didn’t want to know what was going on. I didn’t want to turn around. I didn’t want to see. We were probably picked for a shooting area today. I shut my eyes and curled up in a ball, praying in my mind that they wouldn’t shoot me. But I was too scared and too weak. I could do nothing more, but suffer.
After the rest of the work for the day, it was dinner. I got in the queue and begun feeling worse then this morning. I ran my hands down the side of my body and shocked my self as I felt my ribs. No fat at all. Then fell again. This time when I woke up, there was people walking over me in the attempt to get food. I just laid there. I wasn’t strong enough to get up. I was enjoying not standing more then I should have. Then I saw the guard coming and moved to my feet and when I finally got to bed I was so relieved that I fell into the hay, I laid with my head facing the foul smelling hay. Exhausted. And fell asleep within 5 seconds, even through the pain. But the reality; I am not good for work anymore. That means that I will probably be killed sooner rather then later. Just like the rest of my family. The last one to go.


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