Complex Numbers

Run Like Hell

It never fails.

Never.

Every damn time I get a cold, with the accompanying buckets of snot in my nose, I never have tissues at hand. So I have to use the nearest thing I can find - usually, asswipe.

By the time I get to the store to buy tissues and give the cashier the cold, my nose is as red as Rudolph's balls, and I have to get the lotion kind, which always feels like I'm blowing my nose with a moist towelette from the 60s.

You'd think that if it's soft enough to use on your ass, it'd be soft enough to use on your nose, but you'd be wrong.

It's almost enough to make me want to shave off my goatee, because I can never be sure of not having snot all in my mustache after an hour-long nose-blowing session - but then what happens is as soon as the stubble comes back, it collects tissue bits and then I end up looking like the rear end of one of those Charmin bears.

I hate having a cold.

But hey, at least I'm not oinking.