Hope Burning

Chapter Four: Mark

         Mark leaned against the kitchen counter and pinched the bridge of his nose trying to relieve the tension.

         “No mom. I’m ok. I am exactly where I want to be and no I am not lonely!” He was a terrible liar and knew his mother saw through his lies as she always had. He just didn’t want her to be worried about him anymore.

         “Look I have to go. I’m going to be late for an appointment. I’ll call you later. Love you.” He barely managed to squeeze out the terse reply before he slammed the phone back into its cradle and sat down heavily at the large wooden kitchen table putting his head in his hands.

         Mark thought about when he had moved to Angels Bay two years ago to escape from his past and the memories. He’d tried staying in the house he had shared with his late wife for a year after she died. It had almost driven him mad.

         Around every corner he had expected to see her but he never did. He would wake in the middle of the night thinking she was there beside him but when he reached out her side of the bed was always as cold and empty as it had been when he went to bed. He wasn’t able to sleep. His appetite was non-existent. He could not escape from his dead wife and he wasn’t sure he wanted to.

         His family and friends were worried and tried to send him to a doctor and when he refused they sent one to him, whom he promptly kicked out.

         That had been when he decided he had to get away. Not just from the house, or the town or the concerned friends and family. He had to get as far away as possible and go somewhere as different from the place he had lived with Kai as he could. He had to leave everything and everyone that could remind him of his wife and the life they were supposed to have had together.

         He got rid of almost everything he owned and quit his job as an architect. Once he had made the decision it had taken Mark less than a month to completely move from New Mexico to his new home in Washington state.

         He could still hear his mothers voice from a moment ago. “Mark. . . It’s been three years. I know you don’t want to hear this but it is time to meet someone. To move on. Kai would not want you to be alone. She would want you to be happy again. You know that honey.” Her voice was strained with love and concern as it always was these days.

         And as always when he heard her name his chest constricted and he couldn’t breathe. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to will away the thoughts of her and the visions of her that floated to the surface of his mind.          

         The walls he had built in his mind to keep the pain from overwhelming him had begun to crumble since Jessica had come to town . The more he saw of her the more she reminded him of Kai. Not in looks but in her quiet strength and independence. The deep wells of secrets she had hidden in her eyes. Since yesterday he had been thinking of nothing but Jessica and now it became almost too painful as he realized how much he was beginning to feel for this woman he didn’t even know and shouldn’t care for. This woman who seemed to be in as much pain as he was and probably didn’t want anything to do with him.

         “God Mark you are such a complete fool!” he fiercely berated himself aloud. His voice nearly cracking with emotion.

         As he raised his head from his hands he caught sight of the figure standing outside his open backdoor not five feet away with hand raised to the frame ready to knock.