Twilight: One Foot in Front of the Other

Soon You Will be One of Us

At last, the blazing fire that had been burning though her was beginning to fade away.  It was always the same, the pain rushed and tore through every blood vessel in her body, like a fire following a line of fuel. The pain made her wish, no pray for death. The thought of no more pain ever, was like heaven to her.  The haze that it caused was over whelming, but it to was fading. Even the feeling of spinning was now gone. She could feel and hear Carmen at her side. Confusion began to come to her, the last thing she remembered were huge, cold hands lifting her, they were so gentle as they wrapped around her. It was followed by a distant memory so faint that it might just be her imagination, of cursing and something about how aggravating she could be. Everything was very fuzzy, what was that about “being a good thing she was so dang cute” or was that her imagination too. Her head throbbed, her body ached, and every nerve in her seemed to scream pain.


“She is muttering again,” Whispered Carmen sadly, “I know she is in pain, but… I just can’t”


“I know I hear her,” sighed Carlisle “you know it will pass”


“I know but it breaks my heart to hear her ask for death. She pleaded with me the last time, too,” Carmen’s heart was heavy with sorrow


“It will pass,” repeated Carlisle


“Carmen,” Shan muttered


“Shhh, rest it will pass, you can’t fight it, soon you will be one of us.” Soothed Carmen as her thoughts drifted through past memories. Her heart ached at the thought of never again seeing her flush with embarrassment, or being able to look into those sparkling hazel eyes. She would miss hearing her heart beat, she had become accustomed to the rhythm, it brought such comfort to her.  It did help a little knowing that the nightmares would no longer taunt her; it would not take long for those hideous memories to disappear for good.


Shan opened her eyes, spots were everywhere, and the room began to spin. She closed them again to let it pass before beginning to move. Ignoring the stabbing , throbbing pain, she tried to sit up only to have Carmen’s gentle touch stop her. 


“No, now don’t fight it, it will pass,” Soothed Carmen in that musical tone of hers


“Water,” was all she could manage


“You don’t need water, but that will come later, don’t fight it,” Carmen spoke softly


“She’s Awake?” asked Emmet poking his head in the door holding a glass of water


“She is drifting in and out. It should still be a day or so more, her heart still beats,” answered Carlisle


“No, it is done” Shan muttered trying again to sit up “please, water”


“Here,” said Emmet offering the glass of water


“She doesn’t need that, Emmet. It is the thirst that has her,” Said Carlisle annoyed at him; he had been popping in every time Shan made a sound or moved.


“I can go and get her some good bear juice,” offered Emmet winking at Shan in hopes of making her smile, but only frowned when he got no reaction


“Please!” whispered Shan reaching for the glass and rolling up onto her side for it.


“Give it here Emmet,” hissed Carmen giving him a very annoyed look “here, try it, but it is not what you’re thirsting for,”


“Please, more,” Asked Shan in a horse voice after downing the first glass in one breath “so thirsty”


“Should we?” Asked Carmen looking to Carlisle


“I don’t see any harm in it, and it is what she is asking for,” replied Carlisle observing her


“Thank you,” mutter Shan to Emmet as she downs the second glass


“Shan how do you feel?” asked Carlisle


“Thirsty,” sighed Shan pulling herself up and swinging her legs off the bed. “Sore”


“Should she be getting up?” asked Emmet reaching for her as she stood on shaky legs


“I be needing a shower,” groaned Shan while hanging onto Emmet to steady herself


“Shan, the transformation is not over, your heart still beats. You will not be one of us until the venom hits your heart,” said Carlisle while watching her stand in amazement


“It is done, and I want a hot shower,” groaned Shan and tries to let go of Emmet to head to the bathroom


“You need to get back into bed,” urged Emmet


“Shan you need to listen to me, you were bitten. By the time we found you, there was nothing I could do to stop it,” explained Carlisle


“Yes, I know Trish bit me, and no I do not know why she did.” Sighed Shan and trying again to break from Emmet’s grasp only to have to lean onto him again


“Let her shower, than you can talk with her,” smiles Carmen as she tries to take her from a now very annoyed Emmet


“Who is Trish?” asked Emmet snuggling Shan tighter in his arms “she needs to lay back down” 


“Let her go,” said Carlisle motioning to the door


“But,” began Emmet as his vision blurred and his ears rang from the smack that a very impatient Carmen landed on the back of his head “Ouch! What did you do that for?”


“Let her go and get!” ordered Carmen


The shower felt good on her aching muscles, so she let the water run over her until fatigue would no longer allow her to stand.  It was going to take a few days before the soreness would subside. “So much for thinking that I would never have to go through that again,” thought Shan as she stepped out of the shower into the awaiting towel in Carmen’s hands.


“Feeling better?” asked Carmen smiling “she still has her beautiful eyes,”


“A bit better I suppose. Carmen, why did Emmet have bandages on his hands?” asked Shan as she dressed


“I am afraid he burned them. Esme has tried to get him to go and hunt, but he did not want to get too far from you.” Answered Carmen while she brushed Shan’s long hair 


“How did he manage to burn them,” asked Shan with a slight giggle thinking “only he could manage to burn his hands”


“Glad to see you feeling better,” sighed Eleazar from the doorway


“I’m sorry I worried everyone,” whispered Shan when she seen the pain in his eyes


“We just wish you trusted us. We could have helped you a lot sooner had you not ran.” Sighed Eleazar


“I do trust you, it’s just that I knew there was nothing you could do, and I didn’t want the Volturi to find out.” Explained Shan in a quiet voice


“We would have protected you from them as well,” began Eleazar until he looked at Carmen glaring at him. “I will say nothing more on the matter”


“GOOD!” hissed Carmen


“Please, I don’t mean to cause you two to fight,” sighed Shan as Eleazar returned back to the living room


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Emmet was mad and still rubbing his head when he flopped down on the steps of the front porch. “That slap was totally uncalled for. How could they let her get up, let alone shower? She was so unstable; she was going to slip in the shower. If she broke her neck, there was going to be hell to pay. I didn’t save her just for a shower to do her in,” He closed his eyes and the memory came flooding back, her tiny body draped over the steering wheel “she looked so helpless, if someone else had found her...” He couldn’t finish the thought. She was so pal and her heart was racing even more than usual. She kept moaning, “Please, just kill me, please” He looked down at his bandaged hands. Esme had tried to get him to go and hunt, but he just couldn’t bring himself to go. “She was so hot,” it was as if he had reached down into a fire and picked up a burning log,”How could anyone get so hot, and still be alive.”  Than that stupid Jeab, caught up to him on the slippery mountain road, he almost ran him over. “Teach that idiot not to move,” thought Emmet remembering, “He actually thought that standing in the middle of the road would make me stop. Like I had time to deal with him” He was still staring at his hands as Esme sat down beside him.


“You need to go hunt,” said Esme softly


“I will soon, I promise,” sighed Emmet


“You seem very attached to her,” commented Esme


“She’s a friend, and family,” defended Emmet


“You seem to regard her as more than a friend,” continued Esme


“Everyone is worried about her,” defended Emmet again


“I am not saying that we all don’t care for her.” Began Esme as she touched his hands “it’s just that your thoughts seem to be focused on her an awful lot and it is starting to worry me.”


“I’m fine,” growled Emmet as he stood up “, and you can tell little brother to stay out of my head.” 


“Emmet, we know that you’re upset but, that is no reason for growling at Esme,” scolded Carlisle coming out the door


“What has Edward been telling you? Why are you so worried about me, just because I care about a family member?” spat Emmet trying hard not to growl.


“It just seems that you care a bit more deeply for her than just family,” soothed Esme “Emmet, we don’t know much about her.”


“She has had a hard life. There is no way of tell what effects it has caused. We are only asking you to take it very slow.” Continued Carlisle


“Take what slow, we are friends,” defended Emmet than turned and stalked away.


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Alice was on her feet, hugging, and squeaking “your still so squishy” as soon as Shan had walked into the room “I really was not ready for you to be cold and hard. Squishy works much better for you” smiled Alice so sweetly that Shan could only smile back


“Yea and I would have missed the sound of that heart of yours,” smiled Kate giving her a big long hug                             


“Well I, for one am going to kick that stubborn tiny ass of yours as soon as your felling better. You scared us half to death,” scolded Tanya than smiled “Glad your feeling better”


“Thanks, I am sorry I worried everyone,” smiled Shan sitting down thinking “great now she has Kate hugging me”


“Love the new hair color, it is so pretty,” smiled Rose “the reddish tint suits you”


“Red,” repeated Shan


“It is longer as well,” smiled Carmen


“She sure looks different,” commented Jasper quietly


“Yea, younger,” replied Edward


“That happens during the change, but the hair color is new,” sighed Shan “Is the festival over?”


“Yea, it sort of ended early.” Answered Tanya “you find one dead cold blood and everyone panic’s and leaves town”


“ Trish,” sighed Shan


“Most everyone has moved on. But if you like we can look to see if she is still here.” Answered Eleazar


“No, I meant it was Trish that they found,” shrugged Shan


“So that is who she was,” commented Eleazar “She is the one that bit you?”


“Yes, she seemed to think that it was a way to get back at Ramsey,” answered Shan


“Do you know what killed her?” asked Carlisle


“Me, or rather me venoms blood, when she bit Me.” answered Shan “I be more deadly to you than you are to me. One bite, and the next fifteen minutes is your last most painful minutes. ”


“Ramsey’s doing?” asked Eleazar


“Aye, he figured if he was deadly they would fear him,” sighed Shan


“How are you feeling,” asked Carlisle as he sat down on the coffee table in front of her


“Tired, sore, fuzzy, not as bad as usual though,” answered Shan


“As usual, how many times have you done this?” Asked Carlisle


“I not be real sure, but at least 100 I suppose,” sighed Shan “I was really hoping not to ever do it again”


“I would like you to come back to Forks with us. I need to run some test.” Said Carlisle softly


“Forks?” repeated Shan looking at Carmen “tests” she moaned


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Emmet found himself down by the creek, he was not sure, why he headed there, he was not sure about a lot of things. Life had somehow become much more complicated in the last few weeks. He defiantly was not bored anymore. Life had always been somewhat easy, well with the exception of the thirst. But relationships, family, that all had come so easy. Esme was right, he was attached to Shan, “so why did I get so mad, at her?” wondered Emmet as he sniffed the air. It had change directions and now carried the scent of moose on it. He didn’t really care for moose but he had promised Esme, and his hands were becoming irritating.


“What do you want now?” growled Emmet throwing the moose over a cliff and removing the bandages from his hands


“I prefer goat myself,” commented Jeab “what did you do to your hands?”


“I really don’t care, and none of your business.” Growled Emmet shoving past “are you ever going to leave?”


“See there you go again. I am trying to be friendly, and show some concern, and all you can do is be rude.” smirked Jeab as he followed “Didn’t that mom of yours teach you any manners”


“At least I know when I am not wanted,” growled Emmet turning on his heels to meet Jeab “LEAVE!”


“Such hostilely, really have you ever considered anger management classes. I have heard that they really work, not that I myself have had any need to go to one.” Continued Jeab as he dodged around Emmet “so how is that sweet girl friend of yours. That was her truck that you tried to run me over with, right. It was quite rude you know not to offer a friend a ride”


“Friend? What would make you think we are friends? Was it the beating I gave you, or when I through you over the cliff?” huffed Emmet in annoyance


“That was very rude and totally uncalled for throwing me off the cliff like you did. I was only trying to help.” Defended Jeab “You really do need to take those classes. They will teach you how to properly vent.”


“You think I need to vent do you?” Growled Emmet as he lunged for Jeab. Fortunately, for Jeab he was a bit more limber and was able to dodge Emmet.


“Okay, so you’re not so open to the classes, guess we will just have to come up with something else.” Smirked Jeab but made sure there was plenty of distant between them


“Go away!” growled Emmet 


“Ah come on you like me, admit it,” laughed Jeab “I do believe we are going to be such good friends.”


“In your dreams,” groaned Emmet as he took off towards the house with Jeab trailing along


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Shan stood in the shower letting the water wash the sweat away, trying to slow her heart and breathing. Trish’s memories were cold, and cruel. Ramsey defiantly did not help matters. He had experimented on her as well. That was why she had been unable to heal, leaving her with all those scares. She wanted to die, but in her mind, giving Shan her memories somehow got even with Ramsey. A reasoning that Shan was yet to figure out.  As Shan got out of the shower, her heart began to ache. She really didn’t want to go to forks. Zedekiah was right; she had found a home here.   


“Shandalynn, you okay?” came that sweet song full of concern


“I be fine, Carmen” answered Shan drying off and dressing “you don’t need to worry so, it be another dream is all”


She knew Carmen was sitting on her bed. She always came. Eleazar would be pacing, trying to figure out something to say that would stop her from running. They tried so hard, at first it made it worse, but now she found comfort in their concern. 


“Come, sit, let me comb your hair. I do like the new color.” Smiled Carmen


“I don’t, it be too red,” sighed Shan “I think I will dye it back blonde”


“Don’t you dare! It is gorgeous, you just leave it be,” exclaimed Carmen than smiled and winked “besides, I think Emmet likes it.”


“Urge, it is red, it make me freckles show more,” blushed Shan looking at herself in the vanity mirror


“You are beautiful just the way you are,” smiled Carmen


“How long will I have to stay in Forks?” asked Shan quietly “I don’t want to offend Esme, but I really don’t want to go”


“I know, hopefully not long,” sighed Carmen “we will miss you”


“Are you all packed?” asked Eleazar


“Aye,” sighed Shan


“Don’t  worry,” Smiled Eleazar “I have already told Carlisle, and Emmet that they cannot keep you”


“Someone call me? I can take her bags,” commented Emmet with a devilish grin on his face


“There over there, Emmet,” smiled Carmen


“You better take care of her.” Growled Eleazar watching him “this is only temporary,”


“Is this all, you sure you don’t want to take the rest of your things?” Asked Emmet as innocently as he could,


“That is all Emmet,” growled Eleazar following him out the room


“I am just checking” laughed Emmet racing out the door “geez so touchy”


“He is enjoying this way too much,” groaned Shan


“He seems to care for you,” smiled Carmen “you should give him a chance”


“We just be friends,” sighed Shan


“Shan, he does not look at you as a friend. He cares for you.” Urged Carmen “just  promise me you won’t push him away okay “


“Are you ready?” asked Esme softly


“I guess,” smiled Shan