Defying Fortune

Glass

((The Music))
A very trippy song after a very long and rainy day. The first time I heard Bat For Lashes was when I was flipping through channels one late night while staying in a hotel. I caught the last of her act after she appeared on the Letterman show. Left a definite impression although I missed her name. It wasn't until a few months later I was listening to the radio on Rhapsody, and a different song of her came up. I fell in love with the song, and the album (Two Suns), and found the song I had first admired. When I first got the album, I had it on repeat. Was able to create an entire novel out listening to it over and over again. Might even write it down one day, lol.

((The Life))
Life is an interesting thing. There are times when I have no understanding of it at all. Or people at all. And it leaves this rather odd feeling behind it. There are times when I feel like I've stepped off a bridge without even knowing it was there. There are times when I relive the most embarrassing moments of my life without a trigger in sight. There are times when I am utterly lost.

WTF?

It is times like these that I get creative. I quilt. I cook/bake. I sketch. I paint. I write. I do something where I can put all my nervous/anxious/angry energy into some else more productive. Then I trash it. Almost like a non-harmful self-destruction. It is my way of getting pissed.

This time however I've got no urge to do something else. I don't feel the need to pick up a pen to write, to put pencil to paper, to pick up some thread and piece together a quilt designed off the top of my head. And I can't tell you why.

These emotion, these feelings, are like a storm inside. It brews and spins and thrashes, but has yet to blow over. Where is the reprieve? Where is the damn energy? Where's the outlet?

There are so many things I'm unsure at the moment. It is like the filter in my brain to make sense of things isn't working the way its suppose to. The more I push to understand, the more I can't seem to see what's going on all around me. Maybe there's a story there. Maybe I can do something with this immense uncertainty.

Or maybe I'm just fundamentally screwed.