Down the Rabbit Hole

Where to Begin...

It has been ages since I made an entry..not for lack of material or need, but just because of so many other new demands. Jaden arrived early, healthy and more beautiful than even I could have imagined. The last month has been spent bonding, growing, adjusting and most of all, learning. Becoming a mother has been humbling, amazing, terrifying and awe-inspiring all at the same time. There have been low points when my doubts and fears got the very best of me. The first two weeks were some of the most difficult. Jaden was a c-section and though it was relatively uneventful, not having natural birth did make things harder. My milk was late and I think our bonding as mother and child was not instantenous. Breast-feeding was painful and awkward because of my incision which didn't help either one of us. Over time, and as everyone said it would, things got easier. Now, Jaden is nearing her two month birthday and I am astounded as to how quickly the time has passed. She has lovely blue eyes and her father's nose. She is the light in every one of my days. Over the last two months I have felt more gratitude, grace and love than I could have ever thought I would. Our family has been blessed ten-fold. My daily routine still has its ups and downs. Becoming parents has been an adjustment for us. With new demands on my energy and time, there are many spaces in the day and weeks when I forget that Jaden's father is also my partner. Neglect, though unintentioned, has caused a lot of tension and stress. It is easy to understand why so many marriages don't survive the birth of a child. I know three couples who have been or are on the verge of divorce. I think all we can do is try our best, remember to be patient and most of all, be grateful that we have the ability to share this life with one another. Life is not like those warm and wonderful greeting cards would leave you to believe it is. It is often hard and takes work but it is filled with moments of immeasurable joy, like the ones when Jaden breaks into a wide, silent fit of giggles or reaches up to clutch my fingers with her tiny ones.