Surprise

Does anyone notice me?

Ever since i got tired of trying to be heard and decided am better off being invisible, i've been waiting. For what exactly i don't know but knowing someone noticed me would help me feel much better. I admire my pal Angela a lot. She's easy going and gets along with pretty much everyone. Even those she doesn't like she still talks and laughs with them. Maybe if i tried i could do it but i feel too much. Most times i think with my heart and am not a very good actress. Today for instance a colleague said hi as he passed by. I should have smiled and nodded back like Angela did but my conscience wouldn't let me. This is a person who lied downright to my face with no apology. Pretending things were ok,to me, seemed like accepting whatever he did was cool which is not. One of these days however i know i'll have to push some of those feelings aside. Worst of all is that i can never face a person and tell them when they wrong me. Its easier to sulk in silence and pretend that am ok and everythings fine. Most time i wish people would notice just how bad it hurts or how i feel. Call it immature or what you may but i learnt long ago that at times you have to be thick skinned to survive. If you are not then you can join the rest of us who swallow it up but when we are alone locked in a room safely we let the tears fall. We cry our hearts out and curse at the world. That time when we are most vulnerable we empty our souls and let all the pain,hurt,anguish,sadness flow out. For when the door opens we have to wipe our tears, put our best foot forward and dive into the world again. Our only hope...that our hearts will hold up and when the shots come our defense will not crumble. In case i didn't mention please pardon any errors i might or have made, i've been updating the blog using my phone which is not very effective. Oh and we have a blackout which is not romantic at all the place is just spooky good night everyone!